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What's the funniest thing your child has said lately? - Page 2

post #21 of 191
Not my son, but his 6-year old friend. After explaining to DS's friend that I was young, we didn't have the internet - at all.

He got a horrified look on his face and said:

"That is, quite possibly, the most tragic thing I have ever heard."
post #22 of 191
Quote:
Originally Posted by P-chan View Post
I was leaning back on the couch and my three-year-old son plopped down next to me.

Son (poking): Is this your breast?
Me: Yes.
Son: Is that your other breast?
Me: Yes. I have two breasts.
Son (poking my stomach): Is this your third breast?

Time to start the abs work, I guess.
:

My 4 y/o DS said, "Are you and Daddy married?"
Me: Yes. We got married a long time ago, before you were born.
DS: So that's when you became a woman.

I tried to argue this point saying I was already a woman before DH and I married, but DS insisted that I wasn't a woman until DH and I made it official.
post #23 of 191
I love this thread. That bank one was great!

post #24 of 191
my dd then was 3 1/2 when we would babysit our friend's 3 and 5 year old son on a regular basis. now i dont have a car so my dd knows all the rules fo the road. and she proudly taught her friends too. they were struggling with driveways. the street and alleys were fine but they still couldnt figure it out and it was making my dd all frustrated.

during one of those times i told her 'ur daddy is so smart to get u a cool flashlight like that' (he is my ex and it really was a cool thing) my dd's eyes grew really big, she became all silent and then took a deep breath and said v. seriously 'yes mommy daddy is v. smart. he even knows driveways. i didnt have to teach him that.'
post #25 of 191
While visting family out of town, and eating dinner with everyone gathered around the table talking, my mom asked me if we liked the hotel.

My DD cut in saying

" Its great! you know the best thing is the big bubbly bathtub! and you know what the coolest thing is!"

(she paused here and beamed at me and her daddy)

"Its big enough for mommy and daddy to have sex in!"

I turned red, my sister in law choked on her food, and my grandma was shocked. I swear that we didnt say anything like that in front of her- she came up with it on her own! LOL

Oh goodness she really knows how to make an impression.
post #26 of 191
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmd View Post
Not my son, but his 6-year old friend. After explaining to DS's friend that I was young, we didn't have the internet - at all.

He got a horrified look on his face and said:

"That is, quite possibly, the most tragic thing I have ever heard."
ROTFL



My dd, almost 5, cracks me up all the time. I have my current fave in my sig, and have 2 more.

I have a female cousin in her 30's. Dd asked who she was married to, and I told her nobody. She then asked who took care of said cousin, I said nobody, she just takes of herself. DD gets a satisfied smile on her face and says, "Oh, then she is married to herself."

And on the topic of marriage, my baby-crazy dd says that when she is 21 she is going to have a husband, a baby, and a boyfriend!
Guess we need to have a few more life lesson talks before then.
post #27 of 191
Note: We say Baba instead of Daddy.

DH has just taken a shower and DS is following him around. DH is wrapped in a towel, and DS is only wearing a shirt.

DS: Baba, you're NAKED!
DH: You're naked!
DS: No, Baba, you're not wearing clothes, so you're naked.
DH: You're not wearing pants, so you're naked.
DS: [sighs and takes on a pedantic tone] Baba, I am wearing a shirt. You are not wearing clothes. You're NAKED.
DH: But you're not wearing pants, so you're naked.

I walk into the room.

DS: Mom, Baba's naked.
Me: He is?
DS: Yes.
DH: You're naked too!
DS: Baba, I am wearing a SHIRT.
DS: [to himself] I'm wearing a shirt, and Mom's wearing a shirt, and Baba's NAKED.

I was dying by the end.
post #28 of 191
Quote:
Originally Posted by autumn_faune View Post
And in our house, courtesy 22mo dd:

You know you're pregnant when the nursing toddler finishes both sides and decides to try latching on the the protruding bellybutton. (BTW, it tickles!)
I'm not pregnant and Sage did that last week!! My bb doesn't really stick all of the way out, but it is funny looking since my bowel resection, they cut a nice vertical incision right down my pretty, flat, no stretch mark tummy
post #29 of 191
Today in Target Sage ate part of the tag on a shirt we were buying. The cashier looked at her and said "Were you hungry honey?" Maia pipes up with "No, she ate mommies boobies when we first got in the store, she was just being ornrey."
post #30 of 191
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazycandigirl View Post
" Its great! you know the best thing is the big bubbly bathtub! and you know what the coolest thing is!"

(she paused here and beamed at me and her daddy)

"Its big enough for mommy and daddy to have sex in!"
Bahahah! Does she know what sex is yet (I assume she probably does if she knows you need room for it)? I went camping with my ex (when he was still my hubby) and some friends of ours with children. At one point their then 6 year old was sitting by us, and she said very matter of factly, "I can leave if you want to have sex now". Thing is, later on they found out that she thought kissing was sex. Heh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by waterproofmascara
And on the topic of marriage, my baby-crazy dd says that when she is 21 she is going to have a husband, a baby, and a boyfriend!
Heheheh. This is not such a bad thing. I have just that! Well, except my baby is almost 4 years old

Speaking of which, he said something funny today -- we were driving past a driving range and he saw the cart that was driving around picking up all the golf balls and asked me what it was. I told him, and he said, "I want to do that when I am 70 years old". I said, "well... that seems like a reasonable thing to do at 70." He continued, "and when I am 80, I want to be a construction worker. And at 90, a doctor (god, I wouldn't want to be his patient!) and at ten one hundred (heh) I will be a bicycle rider!" He plans on living to a ripe old age
post #31 of 191
my 4.5yo to my friend's naked 2yo daughter - "You should put some clothes on! No one wants to see your twig and berries!"
post #32 of 191
I love these threads. Yay! These kids are a never ending source of comedy.

Speaking of which - my own DS was talking about dinosaurs the other day (not unusual for him) and said, "I am a pentaceratops, and M. is a teleosaurus. I am Pent, and she is Tella."

Get it? Penn and Teller? Ha ha!
post #33 of 191
DS: I was going to marry my kindergarten teacher. But, Mommy, I found out she has finished college. I'm pretty sure that people who are done with college can't marry kids. So I guess I'll have to find a new wife.
post #34 of 191
This isn't so much just what DD said, but an interaction:

Today my DH made pumpkin ravioli. When he served it to 3 y/o DD she asked him to cut it up for her so she could eat it more easily. As he did, some of the filling started squishing out.
"There's something else in there!" she said.
"Yes there is, that's pumpkin."
DD got the most horrified look on her face and said, "That's PUMPKIN!?"
DH said, "Yes it is" and then quickly realized that DD was talking about OUR CAT NAMED PUMPKIN!!! He immediately started going, "No! No! Not pumpkin! PUMPKIN! The other pumpkin!" Forgetting that DD has actually never eaten pumpkin before.

Of course by this time I could not stop laughing and was no help at all to bail poor DH out of it while DD looked at the filling in her bowl with absolute horror.
post #35 of 191
Quote:
Originally Posted by rileysmommy View Post
...him: oh, well then, thats really easy, just have the husband stop putting sperm in the vagina then
LOL! Such a simple concept, a child could figure it out! Now if only we could educate us "adults" LoL!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Elyra View Post
... So I picked him up to move him 2 feet into the dinning room where he could finish his discussion with himself. I picked him up like he was a turtle because he was all balled up and all of the sudden he yells:

PUT. ME. DOWN! I am probably dangerous!
BAHAHAHAHAHAH! That's probably the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!



Quote:
Originally Posted by crazycandigirl View Post
..." Its great! you know the best thing is the big bubbly bathtub! and you know what the coolest thing is!"

(she paused here and beamed at me and her daddy)

"Its big enough for mommy and daddy to have sex in!"

Oh jeez! I'm waiting for that day in MY life!! LoL.



Quote:
Originally Posted by waterproofmascara View Post
..And on the topic of marriage, my baby-crazy dd says that when she is 21 she is going to have a husband, a baby, and a boyfriend!
Guess we need to have a few more life lesson talks before then.
Or maybe she's onto something ...Just kidding!



Quote:
Originally Posted by littleteapot View Post
.."There's something else in there!" she said.
"Yes there is, that's pumpkin."
DD got the most horrified look on her face and said, "That's PUMPKIN!?"
DH said, "Yes it is" and then quickly realized that DD was talking about OUR CAT NAMED PUMPKIN!!! ... DD looked at the filling in her bowl with absolute horror.
Oh that's too funny! Still laughing!




Ok, my story isn't quite as funny as those, but I have one. My boy is three and talking has been a struggle for him. It's hard enough for ME to understand him and I spend all day with him. The other day, I asked him to wash his hands; and out of habit (because I normally have to ask twice); I repeated myself a few minutes later, asking him to wash his hands. He looks at me and AS CLEAR AS DAY says "I did...mum...I did". But it wasn't just what he said; it was also how he said it. The fluctuations in his voice were very matter-of-fact. You probably had to be there to get how funny this was!
post #36 of 191
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elyra View Post
PUT. ME. DOWN! I am probably dangerous!

OK, i need to find a way to work this line into a conversation.
brilliant!
post #37 of 191
My ds went through a phase being obssessed with penises and vaginas.
He asked me about pads and why I wear them, so I told him.

Anyway, out of the blue, one day he says...

"Mom, when I grow up, I want to be lady"
Me: "why honey?"
"So I can wear pads in my underwear to protect me from the blood from my bloody vagina"...
My dh almost fainted.
post #38 of 191
LMAO - These are too funny.

I'm pregnant so we have lots of interesting discussions about babies. The latest:

Me: What will the baby eat?
DS: Nana!
Me: Where does Nana come from?
DS: Nanas!
Me: There will be nana milk again when the baby comes (DS recently weaned).
DS: I'm going to feed the baby!
Me: How?
DS: My nanas will grow up tall and I will feed the baby!
Me: Ok. Have they grown yet?
DS: Not yet. They are going to get big! Big Mama nanas!
post #39 of 191
These are great!

My mom, Julia and I go on Saturdays to visit our friend from church who has MD. I am in the kitchen cooking(so I missed it: I had to hear it from my mom) and my mom and Julia and the friend(Al)were watching "Must Love Dogs" Here is the conversation between Julia and Al....

Al: "Is this movie almost over?"
Julia: "I hope so! I like 'toons better...do you like 'toons, Al?"
Al: "Sometimes."
Julia(with a flirtatious voice): "We have so much in common!"

My mom put a picture of Julia in a frame with their conversation underneath for Al to keep.
post #40 of 191
DD (just turned 3) gathered dh and I together for a tea party the other day. She gave us each a cup, "poured" tea, told us to drink it all up, then put her cup down and said, "Tea Party YAY!!!!! Hooray!!!" waving her arms in the air and then poured us more tea. DH was crying with laughter. It certainly was the most lively tea party I've ever been to.

Since dd has turned 3 she's been rather well sensitive. Crying at the drop of a hat when everything isn't just so. The other morning as we were leaving she was crying. I asked her why she was crying. She said, "I crying. I just need to cry." It was heartbreaking and funny at the same time.
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