Originally Posted by IncaMama
i *completely* agree with you, Kristi. I have had a bad taste in my mouth this entire time. The rest of the thread has been great because of those who have replied, but i think that it fails to overshadow the seemingly condescending tone of the OP.
...It's kind of like going into the PPD forum and starting a post "my emotions were completely even-keeled, stable and happy post partum and if I ever felt depressed I would feel so guilty and horrible...but I haven't...because it has been all gravy...tell me about your depression!"
It is nice to read the sharing and helping of mamas who struggle with yelling. I have only raised my voice to my daughter a couple of times (thank God) but like another poster mentioned, it was more a frustrated or scared reaction "the stove is hot!!!" or one or two "what is WRONGGGGG" after trying to comfort the 100th meltdown of the hour over (seemingly) nothing
: --- so it isn't ideal, but it is a far cry from anything verbally abusive. I honestly don't beat myself up about it and the mamas who think they are somehow *better* or more *loving* mamas because they would be wracked with devestating guilt are only (imo) falling into mama martyr syndrome which, though we all fall prey at one time or another, is not healthy or productive (imo).
The literally handful of times I have raised my voice to my daughter, I have felt badly about (temporarily) but then moved on, vowing to work harder on my coping mechanisms.
...and you know what? If nothing else, she knows that hey, mama is human too, she gets frustrated (impatient, scared) occasionally, but she doesn't say mean things to me, doesn't withdraw love, doesn't lash out, and when that split second is over -- we can be okay and happy again.
Furthermore, I think a world, childhood, relationship, without the *occasional* frustration is a false one. Someone is not being authentic because in the scheme of a lifetime (hopefully) of a relationship with someone -- someone is *bound* to feel frustrated or scared, or impatient -- and while I DO NOT AT ALL condone belittling, shaming, intimidation, threats, verbal abuse -- I honestly don't think the rare "stop a car is coming!!!" or "You drew crayon all over my new clothes!" with a slightly raised, irked tone is not going to do permanent emotional damage. Like a poster said... it is not ideal, but no one is perfect...even seemingly perfect mamas who never yell