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Anyone else concerned about telling Family?

post #1 of 33
Thread Starter 
My husband and I have told everyone but my mother. Any advice on telling a mom who doesn't like your husband or any of the choices you've made for your life? I am her only child, and this is the first baby. : Any advice or word of encouragement would be greatlyl appreciated.
post #2 of 33
Navy Mommy, You're in MOnterey?????? Yay, I'm in Marina!! Woo Hoo! A local mama!!!

Now on to your question... I was a little scared to break the news with my first pg. It was scary. My parents had all these ideas in their head and fantasy's about who they wanted me to grow up to be. I knew I wasn't in a good financial position to have a baby. I had only been married for 2 months and they hardly knew my husband at that point. They wanted me to finish school, get my degree, start a career, make money, buy a house... you know, do all the things that they never did. But I always had to do things my way, to their dismay . I knew I wanted a baby right away and my husband was wanting to wait a bit, we got pregnant accidentally. I waited a few days before telling my parents. I needed to get over the shock myself, first. But when I did, I just told them matter of factly that DH and I were pregnant and that I was thrilled. They expressed their concern at first, but eventually they warmed up to it. And by the time I was 20 weeks and showing they were honestly excited. Now they are completely obsessed with their grandbaby, they couldn't love her more. I was nervous at first to tell them about baby #2 on the way, but once again, I just followed it up with how excited I was and how ready I felt to have another baby and they are totally supportive. I think if you just really express how excited you are, it's hard to not be excited along with you. And in the end, it's your life, it's your choice, it's your husband, it's your baby.

Welcome to MDC, mama!
post #3 of 33
Thread Starter 
Thanks. My husband goes to DLI out here, our apartment is actually in Pacific Grove. ... haha we move in Oct. 15th!! YAY!
post #4 of 33
I work in PG! Where are you moving?
post #5 of 33
I just wanted to say that babies have a way of softening people I'm sure your mom will be thrilled to find out that she's gonna be a grandma! Best of luck!
post #6 of 33
Thread Starter 
the shangri-la apartments. I've never been there. Right now I'm in Dallas finishing up some stuff and he's set it all up. Do you know where that is??
post #7 of 33
We are worried about telling family too. We might be moving out of state so we don't know which news to break to them first.
post #8 of 33
I just wanted to mention you're not alone is being worried about how to tell family.

We are expecting #5, my mother will probably die when she finds out. She has had nasty things to say everytime I told her I was pg, she doesn't think it is a good idea for me to have kids, she thinks it will hold me back in life, prevent me from being "successful" ... What she doesn't understand is that the kids make me successful. I am planning on not telling our extended family (including our kids) until after Christmas. Even on the phone tonight, I was talking to dh's aunt and I mentioned my pile of chaos that happened (in retrospect it was quite funny, I had four kids and two dogs running in different directions, two covered in paint, and one with a bleeding nose) and she said well how would you do that with 5 kids? of course she doesn't know that I"m pregnant but obviously she thinks its a bad idea too.
post #9 of 33
DH and I haven't told anyone either (except my acupuncturist). I'm waiting until after the 6 week u/s and maybe the 8 week nurses visit. My mother is so paranoid about "not saying anything for 3 months" that I'm afraid that she will freak out if I tell her early. It was really hard when we were home last weekend, since I didn't drink. I told them that "my acupuncturist said I couldn't drink until my rash cleared up" LOL! (I have eczema, and haven't been able to use my super duper healing cream... my arms are a mess...)
post #10 of 33
With my first pregnancy I hid it from my parents because I wasn't married and they wouldn't approve. So at 5 months along I couldn't handle any more of the baggy sweaters and I left a note on her computer screen before I left her house one day. It took her a few weeks but as soon as she got to go out shopping she started to get very excited. Now she can't imagine not being a Grandma!

I am almost 6 weeks along now and hiding it from DH. He doesn't want any more kids and has made that very clear. So I'm dreading his non-supportive reaction. I'll tell him soon though.
post #11 of 33
Well....I wish I had advice, but I don't. However, we can paddle this boat together!!!
See...I got pregnant with DS at the tender age of 16 (after being on the pill for about 18 months). And I never told my parents...my mom found a Planned Parenthood card in my room. That was when I was 8 weeks along. My mom freaked and my dad...well...he didn't care much. They both love Makena so much now! They always have.
BUT my mom although she would never admit it, to her kids are a burden and take away from you and your goals. Not to mention they wish I'd just go to medschool instead of being a midwife!
BUT, with my miscarriage, I didn't want to tell them, but DP was like we should. I had a bad feeling about the pregnancy. And we told them at 5 weeks. They freaked a little, but oh well. What did I honestly expect? Plus, I told them while my Grammy was around and so it makes things better.
NOW.....I am 6 weeks plus a couple days and will not tell them untill Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday, my Grammy will again be here and I will be like...15 weeks. Let's just hope I wont be at a birth!!!
As for DP's parents and family, they are all sexist rednecks(pardon my frecnh, but they have done nothing good for us and actually have screwed us over a handfull of times...I could go on and on) AND his parents moved to Hawaii...so we will just send a birth annoucment in the mail.
post #12 of 33
I am fairly sure that MY parents will be supportive although it may be along winter if my dad decides not to talk to me again (we didn't speak for 18 months after I moved out for university). My mom has been hinting for babies for a couple of years now. DH's parents will be absolutely thrilled, but they already have a few grandkids, this will be a first for my side.

I'm a little concerned about my grandparents reaction. I'm not sure that anyone will tell them anyways. My grandparents are all in their late 80's and in poor health. My mother doesn't expect at least two of them to make it through another winter. I can just see that if someone told them, my senile grandparents would be SO offended that I didn't invite them to the wedding that MUST have happened if we're having kids now! This will be a first great-grandkid on my mom's side so I think someone will tell them but I have no idea.

(DH and I are common-law, but have no plans to get legally married for at least a few more years due to some legal issues with his ex. My parents are ok with it and so are his...)
post #13 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthyMamaofDaisy View Post
I am almost 6 weeks along now and hiding it from DH. He doesn't want any more kids and has made that very clear. So I'm dreading his non-supportive reaction. I'll tell him soon though.
Oh Mama, I hope you're wrong about your DH's reaction. Please keep us posted?
post #14 of 33
I haven't read any of the replies yet...

I could have written your post! My mom and my relationship is so rocky, I don't even know if we are on speaking terms right now. : I want to tell everyone - and most of our friends do know - but I know she'd be super angry if other family found out before we told her. I thought I wasn't going to play that game again, but wound up just emailing her today to tell her. Still waiting for a response...

She wasn't happy with my first, she was mad b/c I was too young and she was just nasty about it. I don't understand why, I didn't live with her and she never, ever supported us or even babysat, but whatever. She wasn't happy about the second because she thought they were too close (18m) and didn't think they should be any closer than 5 years. My third, her (or my dad, I forget) said "well...congratulations, if that's what you want." I didn't even want to tell her with my fourth, so my sister did. And she didn't understand why I didn't want to tell her! So this time, I just emailed her. At least it will give her time to hear it without having to react immediately.

Hopefully, it goes well for you! Sorry, obviously I don't have any words of wisdom for you, just wanted to let you know I can relate.

...off to read the other posts.
post #15 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthyMamaofDaisy View Post
I am almost 6 weeks along now and hiding it from DH. He doesn't want any more kids and has made that very clear. So I'm dreading his non-supportive reaction. I'll tell him soon though.

Oh, I'm so sorry! I hope he responds better than you expect...you never know! Hugs, momma!
post #16 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Navy_Mommy View Post
the shangri-la apartments. I've never been there. Right now I'm in Dallas finishing up some stuff and he's set it all up. Do you know where that is??
Yep, I know exactly where that is. I helped a friend move out of those apartments a few years ago!
post #17 of 33
When I was preg with #2 (who is now just about 18m), I was nervous about telling my father, as it was another unplanned pregnancy and I was not married, etc. Given that my father certainly isn't conservative, I didn't think he'd react *that* badly, tho I was still nervous. However, he was bull**** to say the least (for various reasons), and didn't speak to me for months.

I finally sent him an email and was like, dude, I'm an adult (29 at the time), I'm not looking for your approval, get over yourself, or you needn't be involved in this baby's life.

He got over it
post #18 of 33
Thread Starter 
[QUOTE=MonkeyPrincess;6151438]I haven't read any of the replies yet...

I could have written your post! My mom and my relationship is so rocky, I don't even know if we are on speaking terms right now. : I want to tell everyone - and most of our friends do know - but I know she'd be super angry if other family found out before we told her. I thought I wasn't going to play that game again, but wound up just emailing her today to tell her. Still waiting for a response...

Well, everyone does already know about this first baby... I wasn't going to do it that way, but it's just worked out that way. I was suppose to pick up some final things from her home before finally moving all of our stuff to CA.. but she told me that she was going to be gone for the next 2 weeks, and I'm leaving sooner then that. She said she would just 'mail me my stuff' so, I guess I'll probably end up emailing her. She's been truly horribly about me and my husband. We are that typical happy young newly weds...

Anyways, I guess what I want to know now is, Do you think someone can have a happy pregnancy, and happy family/life without the support of their mom? I have the support of my dad & my step mom, and all 4 of his parents...but not my mom. Do you think it's enough?
post #19 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzo View Post
BUT my mom although she would never admit it, to her kids are a burden and take away from you and your goals. Not to mention they wish I'd just go to medschool instead of being a midwife!
this is my mom to a T ! except I went to nursing school and my first was born when I was 18
post #20 of 33
My mom wasnt too happy when I first got pregnant with Darlene. It was a little tough at first.
Now, my children have completely changed her. She wouldnt trade them for the world. She loves them as much as I do!
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