I understand how you feel it was your fault; I would feel the same way too. Just remember, you didn't set out to have this result, you were trying to do right by your children. I don't think you did something horrible, you were burnt out (as many mothers are) and are suffering the heartbreaking consequences of taking on too much. Thankyou for sharing your story to remind us to slow down. We all know as parents that we sometimes take on more than we can handle; and you don't always see the breaking point coming. You've probably saved lives by sharing your story and making us all think twice.
When you return home, and it feels as though everyone's judging you; just know that we understand and that we're here for you when you need us. And as other's mentioned before me, please take care of yourself; you still have someone who's looking to you for guideance on how to handle this situation. And please get your DH, Connor and yourself into greif counselling as soon as possible!
: for you, and your ENTIRE family, both here and in heaven
Rest peacefully sweet babies, you're with God now.