New Baby Arriving Next Week & Sibling's Mixed Feelings

[lisamarie]

My ds is 6 1/2 yo and is a sweet, highly sensitive little boy. He has been an only child and his baby sister is due to arrive next week. We are very open and talk about everything and he is planning on being there at the birth when she arrives.

Up until recently, he has been so excited and has been counting the days. But at the 30 day mark, he began to question whether or not he wanted a baby sister and now at the week mark, is very anxious, stressed, emotional, weepy and is really concerned about whether is is wanted, loved, etc. He has even been acting out at school. It just breaks our heart!

We have read books and watched movies about birth and babies and talked and talked about his sister's arrival, but what can I do to ease his fears??? I've spoken w/my midwife and my son's counselor and they all say its normal, but does it get better after the baby comes?

Thanks~

Lisa

[alexa07]

I think it will get better. Kids who are highly sensitive tend to worry about new things. I think thing will be ok so long as you are acknowledging to him that his feelings are normal, or even talking about your own feelings (excited about the baby, but nervous about change too) and talk about how you will all get through it together.

[ekblad9]

Since your son has been an only child for so long it may be hard for him to comprehend sharing mom and dad. There are five years between my first two and I can remember a bit of aprhention from Brandon right before Hannah was born. It wore off almost immediately and now they are the best of friends! I'm sure you're nervous and he can sense that too. Just explain that it's an adventure you guys will be on together!

[Sofiamomma]

Sophia was both worried and excited right before the baby came, too. She was concerned about being left out, but once Ellie was here she was soooo in love! It's really very cute. I haven't seen any signs of jealousy, but she has asked once to spend some time alone with me. I've told her I'm planning a "date" with her and just need to find a time for Gramma to babysit. We also continue to read together. She seems to take great pride in being able to take care of herself. She says she feels grown up. She also likes that I am not working. I don't know if it would help with your ds, but maybe you could point some of these things out to him? I'm sure he will be fine, he sounds very sweet!

[lisamarie]

Ohhhhhh, its SUCH a HUGE relief to hear this! Glad to hear that things work themselves out after the baby arrives. He is such a compassionate little guy and I know he will be a great big brother, but has such deep feelings.

Thanks so much for the feedback, I REALLY appreciate it!!!

Warmly~

Lisa

[pmjmomma]

My oldest dd was almost 5 when our baby was born. She also sounds very much like your son in that she is sensitive. I think a lot of the problem was that she was old enough to think about things, and understand consequenses, unlike her 3 year old sister who was just thinking of the fun. She would constantly tell me that she was scared of the baby being born because she knew it was going to cry at night sometimes, and she wasn't sure if the sound would wake her, or scare her, or if she would sleep through it and the baby would wonder where she was.

yes, it did get better. My dd will still tell me that it's hard having younger sisters, but she also knows that she loves them very much, and would not trade them for all the uninterrupted parent time (or untouched legos) in the world. And in a lot of ways, she adjusted better than her younger sister, becuase we could explain things in advance and give her choices that she could understand. Like in the above mentioned instance regarding her fear of the baby crying at night. . . We gave her the option of sleeping in the living room so she would probably not hear the crying at all, sleeping in our room so she probably would, staying in her room and having us wake her if the baby cried or doing nothing and seeing what happened. She stayed in our room for one night, and when she saw that the reality was nothing like what she created in her mind, she went back to her room and hasn't woken since.

hth, a little.