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TTC 6+ Months October Support Thread - Page 6

post #101 of 497
Ok...so I know I said I was ok with it being a new cycle and I am for the most part - not like I can really do anything to change that at this point. But always echoing in the back of my mind is that "what if".

What if I had my one shot and that's all there ever will be?

I wish I could just let that go, but I have to admit that I can't and I'd be devestated - almost like I'd be going through my c/s all over again knowing that's all I'll ever know. I know so many of you are ttc #1 and I feel horrible complaining or being upset about this. I should get over it and be thankful, you know, come what may and whatever, but my heart aches for more.

Anyways...thanks for listening.
post #102 of 497
Thread Starter 

pampered mom. I have similar thoughts. I have regrets (I weaned my son to start TTC... it seemed necessary, but in retrospect--tragic). Anyway. Hang in there.

Let it be- would you like me to add you to our list? Just let me know.
post #103 of 497
Thanks so much you guys,

I have to tell you, as happy as I am today I still feel a bit guilty deep down that I won this lottery because I know the struggles you all have - I went through it myself for the last 9 months.

I will be checking in hoping for BFPs for you all soon.
post #104 of 497
Let it be- would you like me to add you to our list? Just let me know.[/QUOTE]

Sounds good!

Congratulations Sarah Jen!
post #105 of 497
CD 18, probably the Big O Day - I find myself wandering around the house during these important days in a fog, nothing on my mind but making sure nothing gets in the way of what needs to happen! (i.e., no mexican food, no huge meals, it is stressful!)
post #106 of 497
Hi Lilyflower, and everyone. If you've been chart snooping you know I am on cd2 today, my last cycle was a record short 25 days : I O'd early and my LP was a bit short even with the progest supplement.

I have been super busy this past week and it continues, but I hope to be back tomorrow with more updates (I finally got dh to do a SA ! and we got preliminary results) and personals.

Just had to jump in and say hi though ! :

Pampered Mom I just had to say I am right there with you on the secondary infertility thing.
post #107 of 497
Congratulations to SarahJen!!

Well I wrote a few days ago that my acupuncturist wanted me to hold off on TTC for a while. After lots of talking to my hubby and soul searching, I decided to let her have the month to work on me. So no TTC this month. I think it'll be a nice change of pace. I'll know to expect AF and won't be devasted when she shows up. It'll also give my hubby and I time to just be a couple again. And I hope next month we'll be ready to actually conceive.

I likely won't be around too much but I'm rooting for all of you!
post #108 of 497
Thread Starter 
I've added you Let it Be. Welcome.

I'm so sorry oceanmommy.

Allisonrose- sounds like a good decision. I respect your restraint and I hope the acupuncture works. I finally got in touch with the place I was interested in here. She wants to do a session within three days of ovulation (not too hard to schedule when on clomid) and I think I'm going to give it a try and see what she says and how I feel.

We had a rough night here last night. : I asked my husband what he thought was going on and his response was, "I think we will have this baby...but it might take years." I can't tell you how much this upset me. It crushed me really. For so many reasons. Not the least of which, here I am on clomid feeling so ill and why are we doing all this if he doesn't think it will work? And why YEARS? I mean, what the heck is wrong with me ALL of a sudden?? I'm just lost. I don't know what to feel, what to do or what to plan anymore. Part of me thinks, just walk away. Do it now. But, I wonder if I will ever stop wondering why we are missing someone, or being jealous of women with bigger families, pregnant women... SIGH. This is so isolating. My husband wants to try and find the money for more testing, but that doesn't seem fair. Money is so tight now and I can't ask for more sacrifices from my exisiting family.
OK. End of my whining session.
post #109 of 497
Oh Oceanmommy, Hopesmom, Pampered_mom and everyone who is hurting . I'm so sorry. I reallly wish it didn't have to be like this. And I truly hope your time is soon.

SarahJen, congratulations!!! Happy and healthy 9 mos!!!

I feel really guilty posting this at a time when so many are hurting, but it feels even worse to just disappear without letting you all know. It looks like this was our month as well. !!!! We only had one test in the house and I plan on going out to buy another test or two, but I'm guessing the + is real?!? Sure doesn't feel real yet. Still no signs of anything out of the ordinary, other than AF didn't show yesterday. Thank you all for the support you've given me!! If you don't mind, I'd like to keep lurking to see more of you get your +++, but wow, I can't believe it.
post #110 of 497

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post #111 of 497
Congratulations Secretly!!!!! This is wonderful news! It is so hard to say but still we are also here to celebrate the positives!!! Great news and enjoy!!:

Alisonrose -
I don't think husbands can really quite understand this as much, no matter how wonderful they are. I really think this is a quite personal feeling. I think they don't like to place as much pressure on the situation as that makes it more difficult for them. I am starting to realize that at least here. I hope you feel better today.
post #112 of 497
I am starting to believe that people who are ttc actually do get pregnant sometimes ! LOL I was starting to think it was just a myth. It is so good to have some bfps around here.

Well, as I said last night I have been very busy and haven't been able to post, I have a million personals I wanted to write but I will have to start fresh. Sorry if I missed something !

Tricia, sometimes I too wonder if it will take years and that prospect is very depressing. At the same time there is no giving up.

Allisonrose I think you made a good decision and I hope this cycle gives you a nice break from ttc stress. I hope I am not here when you return

Hi Lilyflower....how's your ovulation going ?

Let it Be, welcome to the thread. I hope you don't stay long there seems to be a bit of newbie luck running here, hope it rubs off onto you.

It seems my cycle buddies are lucky ! Anyone this month ? I am cd 3 today(Pampered Mom I am looking in your direction).

I haven't spoken with my dr yet to get the interpreted results of dh's SA but I got the nurse to read me the #'s:
concentration 78.4 million (yes !)
motility 49 (a bit slow swimming 2+ but straight)
morphology 23 (not so great ? )
vol 5.8 (well, it had been 5 days...)
liquification complete
viscosity normal

It was very exciting to get those numbers back, although when the nurse said to me the results were normal and "I don't know why you're not pregnant" it was like an ice pick in the heart. I don't know why either

I expect we're onto HSG at the end of this week maybe. I am both frightened and excited at the prospect.... I would love to be one of those hsg success stories we've all heard.

If anyone has any comments on the SA #s I would love to hear them.
post #113 of 497

: : :

{Secretly! How long have you been secretlytrying? I seem to remember you joining the one thread after me, but not much after me. I really get excited about the folks who've been trying quite a while and then get a bfp--gives me hope. Did you do anything different this cycle?}
post #114 of 497
: Congratulations SecretlyTrying! :

Sorry I've been out of the loop lately - I had 11 cavities filled/fillings replaced in the last week and I've been a little medicated! All of that just to be sure that it was all done before I O'd. Sometimes I wonder if I really am sure that I want to go through with this, but then I voluntarily show up at 4 dental appointments in 4 days and I think, surely that answers that question!

My heart goes out to all of you who are hurting! I'm really hoping that this month brings a wave of BFP's and lots of baby dust for us! I'm sad to say that I remember being here in the spring and it seemed like there were BFPs every day... hoping that it's time for that to come back around. I can't seem to keep myself from feeling optimistic lately - which is preferable to the alternative, I guess!
post #115 of 497

Yay! Secretly! Yay! SarahJen!

Warning: TTC #2 whining ahead--->

I've been feeling odd. I don't have sore boobs, when every month since I got pregnant with the miscarriage I have had sore boobs since ovulation. My boobs killed me with the first two pregnancies. I have been having light cramping. Not quite stretchy but def. not hot icky period-is-a-comin' cramps either. I'm trying so so so hard to not get my hopes up. It's like every month I have some new (phantom) pregnancy symptom and every month I get my heart broken so I am trying to just let go as much as I can. Gah. I so feel that "I guess I had my chance" and I HATE that it tears me up so much. I feel like I am betraying my actual here-now child and being ungrateful. I hate that I get twinges of horrid envy when I read on the front page of this website that somebody wants a Large Family sub-forum (my evil mind says...oh sure! Rub it in our faces! ). Oh and I would totally be gnashing my teeth as read this if I was ttc #1 so I know, I know, I know. It's all so freaking crazy-making.
post #116 of 497
Oh SECRETLY!!! Hooray!!!! I am so happy for you. How much longer are you secret? I hope you have a beautifully uneventful pregnancy.

Ocean, I'm so bummed that AF showed up for you. I don't know anything about sperm (well just the basics ) but I do know (like you said) that it is very very common to get pregnant the cycle of an HSG. I so hope that happens for you.

Tricia, mama. I don't remember, did your dh have a SA?

Racecar, I need to check out your chart. More mama because it is so hard.

Okay, well as usual I"m not supposed to be on the computer so I'd better scoot.

As always, I'm thinking of you and rooting for you all.
post #117 of 497
Secretly - congrats.

I'm glad for you, but I'm not feeling very cheery today. I'm actually tired, but then it's been a rainy icky day and that likely hasn't helped my mood. FF has moved my crosshairs again, so instead of mystery spot in my cycle I'm 4 dpo (again). I really shouldn't listen to FF when it thinks I've o'd on cd20. After 4 cycles you'd think I would know that it's lying. :
post #118 of 497
Thread Starter 
Secretly--wow mama. Congrats sweetie! How long have you been trying? Give us all some hope.

Hi again, Chrissy. Yes, my husband had a SA. Very normal. Its all me. :

And Racecar- I have the same feelings. Truly. I have two healthy beautiful children. They are blessings and I am missing part of that b/c of the pain TTC is causing me. I know that. I do feel ungrateful and I should be nothing but grateful. I know lots of people are perfectly happy with one or two children. But that isn't me. Unless it is... and if it is, how do I get there? And why does this hurt so much. If there was an answer... I'd share it. But know that you aren't alone.
post #119 of 497
ChristyM26 - Hang in there. I seriously can't imagine going through what you are with that length of cycle. I am so stressed about timing and my cycles are very regular, so I really can't imagine not knowing when you are ovulating, etc. I am not sure if that charting thing is really good for the emotions. It does seem to cause a lot of anxiety on its own.

As for me - I am hoping that my ovulation and timing was a good sign that it was occuring on the full moon.
post #120 of 497

secretlytrying - CONGRATS!!


oceanmommy - it definitely looks like we are cycle buddies at this point! :0) I don't know if that will last the whole cycle since I've been having these 45-47 day cycles as of late. I'm glad that so far the SA results look good - I can understand the nurses comment would be painful. It would certainly hurt me, too. I've got my : that the HSG does it for you. I have heard of lots of women (especially c/s women) who had one and it seemed to clear whatever it was out. In the case of c/s I often wonder if the surgical delivery of a baby somehow messes w/the balance in a woman's uterus. I have nothing but anecdotal evidence to back that one up, though. I think if we continue through the end of the year and still no luck I'll look into getting some testing done. I discovered my health insurance does have some coverage for infertility treatments so at least that's a plus. In the meantime I'm making some changes in our diet hoping that might help.

I know lots of people are perfectly happy with one or two children. But that isn't me. Unless it is... and if it is, how do I get there? And why does this hurt so much. If there was an answer... I'd share it. But know that you aren't alone.
HopesMom - You took the words right out of my mouth!! Oh how I wish there was an answer - or at least something to make the journey easier. I guess we just keep plodding along...we'll all walk through this together!

anonymousk - ouch!

racecar - : - oh and whine away (although I don't think it's whining). I think holding feelings in can be counterproductive to ttc.

ChristyM26 - - Hang in there!

lilyflower - :

cd3 here and a little bit uncertain about this cycle. I am tempted to go the OPK route again in addition to temping/charting. If I ovulate around the time that I have in the past then this cycle is a complete wash b/c dh will be out of town the entire week! Even though I hate these long cycles from the last two months, here's hoping this month I o later than usual again!

it's been a rough couple of months lately - here's hoping SarahJen and secretlytrying are a sign of things to come!
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