Thanks ladies! don"t know what I'd do without you! I'm still feeling pretty good right now knowing that I have support and prayers and happy thoughts coming my way. I've decided that I can't do anything to change him or what he's going to do, but I have to focus on the baby now and getting her out safely and securely.
As of right now, I think my plan is to simply stay home unless I feel the need to go or if my midwives tell me that there is a problem. If he calls an ambulance, I know what to do (tell them I don't need any assistance). If he calls CPS, I'll deal with it when the time comes. Most likely they are not going to come out when the birth is in progress. If they do, I guess I will have to tell them they can't come in without a search warrant and that homebirth is legal in VA. If things get ugly with dh, I know that one of the m/w's would bring me to a safe place.
I just can't spend any more time worrying about what someone else is going to do because of my choice. Maybe we can work on the relationship after the baby comes, but I need all my energy for birthing right now. It's horrible that we couldn't come to an agreement about this, but I feel so strongly that I can't back down on my conviction.
He keeps trying to nail me down as to WHEN we are going to the hospital (after all, he can't support me if the plan is to stay home
: ). I just keep reiterating that I don't know if I can do what he's asking. First, I don't want to go at all and second, picking a "time" to go is pretty nebulous if you ask me. Birth can be unpredictable. I think that I will tell him next time he asks that I will go if and WHEN the baby's heartrate shows signs of distress.
I've tried to remain open to the possibility that this baby does need to be born in a hospital, but I don't feel that is the case right now. I'm sure that she will tell us if that is necessary and in plenty of time.
I'm done being angry right now and am trying to move forward to the task ahead. Been having some contractions this morning, so we'll see. I'll let you know if anything comes of them.