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Jump start me

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
I have write a rebuttal to his requests to modify the divorce. It is something I really do not want to do, something that doing will take me to a place of anger. To write down how transparent his latest attempts at getting out of paying childsupport, to have to justify the children's needs, the daycare, the medical expenses YET again. To contend with the threats of removing them from my home, to be forced to respond to his lies, it just feels like abuse of power AGAIN.

This man has not paid most of the things lined out in the original divorce, he lied to me about what his income was for four years. Every time I have talked about needing more money for XXX or YYY, he threatens me with taking things back to court... So I did. Please keep in mind this man makes over 100K a year, is in law enforcement and has used his position to intimidate and incarcerate me. (charges were dropped, but not without FIGHTING hard and tough)

So I finally went and changed childsupport, and he has fought it, and is now reviewing our entire divorce. So things like who pays for what, how uninsured medical expenses are paid, retirement, ate up for review.

So now I have a GREAT attorney, one who will not stand for the manipulation of my former spouse, nor is impressed with my former spouses attorney.

Okay so now I need to write this rebuttal, get off my butt.

What has been KILLING me, even though I know the actions of the father have nothing to do with the children, I am shorter with the children, stressed out to the max, and not being the fun, crunchy AP mom that I really am.
post #2 of 7
That's because right now, you are dealing with lots of sucky negative energy that is sapping your will to live.
Write the rebuttal. Print two copies, get rid of one of them (posting, or whatever you need to do): and then burn the other one and let the horrid suckiness vanish with the ashes. Karma is a wonderful thing- he'll get his in the end.
You're doing the right thing, and in the end, it's all going to be fine.
You're doing
post #3 of 7
Helen, that is such a fantastic suggestion! I think watching the paper go up in flames could be wonderfully cathartic.

mama. I've never BTDT, so I have no point of reference personally, but I've been around some incredibly messy, bitter divorces (grandmother is a high-powered divorce attorney in Nashville) and I've seen first hand the pain that jerky spouses cause.

I hope it's over with soon so that you can get on with your life!
post #4 of 7
Thread Starter 
The crutch of it is... we are already divorced, he just wants to go back and change the money aspect of it. He thinks that even though he makes more than 80% of the income considered for support, all bills should be split 50/50.
I gave up 7 plus years of my life to live in the crap town where he has built his career. It has taken the divorce, and moving back to a place where there is a college and university to get my life back on track. So he thinks that because it is not his choice for me to go back to school,and the kids to get braces, he should not have to give up his new Excursion and new F250 truck. :

Fine, I never took the portion of his retirement, he left me with none of the assets, (granted he took most of the debt, but he also took all the equity) Maybe it is time to change that....

I have no problem supporting the children, I HAVE been for four years, while he has paid the absolute minimum in CS. I have worked crappy waiting tables jobs, taken in daycare, and now it is a time for me to blossom. My new husband is currently taking the bus, or riding his bike to work, so that I can have our ONE vehicle to take the kids to school/daycare/soccer and take myself to school.

While my ex has three new non fuel efficiency trucks, a 5th wheel trailer and spends more on one car payment than the children get in CS. : But I am evil and greedy. :

So to answer that other crazy thread, I do not expect him to fully support his children, BUT I do expect his children to be supported in the manner in which he supports his new wife, (and her four kids) Or in the manner that his over 100K income would be supporting our family if he had stayed faithful, and not chosen his "new" family over the one he had already produced.
post #5 of 7
I totally agree with you! It's ridiculous to think that his children's way of life has had to change so drastically. Frankly, my biodaughter goes without many of the material things (I think we've got two pairs of pants that fit her...luckily she's only 5 months old and doesn't care) so that her two older sisters can have everything they need and several of the things they want, as they are older and therefore their needs and desires should come first, IMO. They may not be my biological daughters, but I've been around since they were babies, and their own bio mother calls me their second mom/third parent. They're my daughters as much as the one who came from my body, and my husband and I live our lives so that all of our girls are taken care of, and our older girls who can make decisions get to enjoy different activities.

Sorry, I'm rambling. I hope this is over with quickly and mostly painlessly for you. Good luck getting everything straightened out, and hopefully the courts will make him pull his head out of his a** and provide for his children as they deserve.
post #6 of 7
Thread Starter 

Will you do "boyish" clothes for your daughter? I have fuzzi bunz that are size small, and med. The smalls are pink and purple, the meds all shades of blue.(12small and 6 med) I have tons of cute all cotton baby clothes.. my youngest is now 23 months, but they are "boy clothes". I really like navy blue, or periwinkle and tye dye/batic stuff. We are not using them, and no prospects in place...

I am more than willing to pass them along if you continue the passing to others.
post #7 of 7
That's so sweet! We're willing to put her in anything that keeps her warm since the weather is quickly getting cold here. For some reason, when people bought 6 months and above sized clothes for my daughter due in June (putting 6 months in December!) they got a lot of shorts and tank dresses. Oh well. Even though she was born in April instead of June, she's caught up size wise and is in 6-9 months now. They get so big so fast! :

So in answer to your question, yes, we'll put her in anything we can get our hands on. DH is more worried about having to put DS in girl clothes than he is about putting DD in boy clothes if that makes sense. A little girl in blue doesn't call as much attention as a little boy in pink ruffles.

And we pass along everything. I belong to a playgroup here, and we have a clothing swap every few months.
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