You didn't say what the sex was of the healthy pregnancy and your miscarriages. A woman's body sees a male fetus as slightly more foreighn than a female fetus.
Also egg quality declines sharply in your mid 30's. The optimum egg "laying" happens between 23 and 28, then it's downhill from there. Not saying that an older woman won't have a healthy pregnancy, but rather her chances go down significantly, especially if she has a risk factor noted above.
In my case, I had 3 misscarriages when I was in my late 20's before we found out I wasn't making enough progesterone to keep a pregnancy going until the fetus could make it's own. I would go about 6 to 8 weeks and then abort.
I went to an alternative osteopath and he did some blood tests and coupled with the fertility charts I was keeping, we figured out the progesterone problem. He prescribed some progesterone cream that I had to use starting the 2nd 1/2 of my cycle. I had to get it from a compounding pharmacy that makes it's own drugs (hard to find these days).
The 1st month I used the cream, I stayed pregnant and had a healthy pregnancy (I had a girl). I used it a total of 8 weeks, past the point I would abourt and then we did some blood tests and found out that blood levels were normal, so I didn't have to continue.
I was very overweight at the time and he told me that fat stores estrogen and there was a residual amount that wasn't combatted by the normal progesterone I would produce, so I had to supplement. So loosing some weight may help if you are in the "overweight or obese" BMI category. This will also contribute to Polysystic Ovaries (usually insulin regulated), so if you have POS it could be a lot harder to get quality eggs.
If you are skinny, gaining as little as 5 to 10 pounds before getting pregnant will help you keep from aborting. Of course in today's society a woman would rather go through extensive fertility treatments instead of actually getting a little fat. I have a friend now who refuses to accept that 5 pounds will make a difference and still keeps her size 3 figure expecting to sustain a pregnancy!
In the end we decided one would be the perfect number and decidced not to try again, so I don't know if I still have the problem or not. I encourage you, as I encourage all friends who are having conceiving a 2nd (or 3rd) time to look at your family. If it doesn't seem complete, why not adopt? If it seems complete, why not let one be your prefect number?
There are numerous ecological reasons to have only one child. Not to mention ecconimic reasons. Also, will you inadvertantly send the message to your oldest child that he/she is not good enough? If you try so hard for a 2nd (or 3rd) will the older child feel that you are trying to get it "right" because they are so "bad" that you need a "do over"?
This is child logic, it does not make adult sense but kids of divorce ALWAYS feel it is their fault. If they had been good enough their parents would have stayed together. You don't want an older child to think that the only reason you wanted another child was to "get it right" this time.
Many times parents inadvertantly send this message because they become so fixated on the pregnancy and forget about the older child. Sometimes they ARE trying to right the wrongs that went awry with the 1st pregnancy/child. I encourage you to look at why you want another child before comitting so much energy to getting and staying pregnant again. Will it deprive your older child of parents who are focused on their well being?
I say all this being in the minority. At the waldorf school there are many families with more than 2 or 3 children. We are a singleton family, sometimes we feel left out and almost looked down upon. Dh asked only one time "why" she didn't have a sibling but never actually asked FOR one.
Being pregnant I knew that this was my only child, no second chances, so "do overs". I decided that the 4th time was the charm and I wasn't going to tempt the fates by asking for more. I have a beautiful healthy baby and because of knowing she was my first, my last, my only child, I refused to listen to other people. It is why she was breastfed until 3 1/2 when she self weaned and it's why she's going to a waldorf school (even though both sides of the family think she'll live under a bridge from the lack of education). It's why every choice, every decision about her life has been deliberate, done with the knowledge that I won't get another chance.
I guess the trick is knowing which child will be your last, so you don't have any regrets or "next time" thoughts. I may be putting the cart before the horse in the 5 stages, but maybe acceptance of a singelton family is not so bad.
