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having issues with DH being circ'd - Page 3

post #41 of 173
I didn't read past the posts that I'm addressing, so please forgive me if this was covered.

Aisrealtax, I would ask if you notice a trend regarding the age of the women... As a youngster I also not only "could take a pounding", but it was pleasurable. I thought sex (with my circed partner) was the best thing ever in my early twenties.

Would it have been even better with the gliding action of an intact penis? Probably. Do I greive even a small interference (in my younger days) in mine and my partners' connection and pleasure? You bet.

But now it is just plain painful. It's a major loss in my life - sexual pleasure from intercourse, that is.

I don't really see it as akin to a mastectomy. I don't think that our DH's bodies would necessarity suffer pain during something so fundamental as sex, from a lack of boobs. It would be more akin to a man losing a different part of his body and the grief associated with that. But when it's a functionally important part of the sex act - specifically that the modification create pain - there are deeper complications entirely.

And I really dread what is happening to my body as the damage accumulates. I really hope that when I'm older I'm not in constant pain, or have incontinence issues from a lifetime of being jackhammered.

And let's talk about what it does to DH to know that his pleasure hurts me. Only sadists are into that. For DH it's a deep sadness he can't really cope with.
post #42 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by twins10705
I definately wouldn't say I was normal in that area and expect dh to be turned on by it. *sigh* such a tough subject
True dat.
post #43 of 173
Quote:
The serenity prayer works. Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Life is never fair, but you can change some things. Use that anger to change circumcision of new babies.
ITA. For me, the grief comes and goes. It helps to remember that even if I had known back when I met dh about the evils of circ, I still would have chosen him. He is my best friend and we will find ways to have a good sex life in spite of this.
post #44 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaingirl3 View Post
ITA. For me, the grief comes and goes. It helps to remember that even if I had known back when I met dh about the evils of circ, I still would have chosen him. He is my best friend and we will find ways to have a good sex life in spite of this.
I feel the same way. I still would want to be married to DH, even if I had known before. He's a wonderful guy, and a wonderful father. I am happy though that he's open to fixing things by looking at restoration
post #45 of 173

New

What does restoring mean? How is it done?

I have an uncircumsized husband. I have only been with 2 men. The other was circ.

I am very happy with my husband.

Not trying to brag, just learning about being an advocate for male babies.

I plan to go to the March next year at the Nation's capital and take my daughter since one day she will decide for her baby. I hope my husband will influence her enough to not do it.

Take care.
post #46 of 173
My DH is restoring, but I really thought intact was gross before I came to MDC. But to me I really would not care if he was restoring or not, I love my DH and enjoy having sex with him wether he is intact or not. I really don't care about it, makes no difference to me YKWIM. Maybe you could get an intact toy, that's foreskin moves just like a real mans
post #47 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by PJJ View Post
What does restoring mean? How is it done?

I have an uncircumsized husband. I have only been with 2 men. The other was circ.

I am very happy with my husband.

Not trying to brag, just learning about being an advocate for male babies.

I plan to go to the March next year at the Nation's capital and take my daughter since one day she will decide for her baby. I hope my husband will influence her enough to not do it.

Take care.
www.norm.org

We all hope your daughter will never have such a choice. I can't wait to see infant genital mutilation outlawed for good.
post #48 of 173
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by twins10705 View Post
www.norm.org

We all hope your daughter will never have such a choice. I can't wait to see infant genital mutilation outlawed for good.
post #49 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by aisraeltax View Post
i totally agree. i simply posted b/c it seems that some posters do have good sex lives and i wanted to offer the perspective that it may not be better with an intact man, if he is deficient in other manners relevant (if ykwim).
i feel badly for any woman who experiences what you describe but i just never have.
i just didnt want some women thinking that the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. as a friend of mine has said, that grass also needs mowing! lol!
I see what you're saying, but if I have a great sex life with my circ'd dh, how much better for both he and I woul/could it have been if his parents hadn't consented to his mutilation?:
post #50 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovemy2ds View Post
My DH is restoring, but I really thought intact was gross before I came to MDC. But to me I really would not care if he was restoring or not, I love my DH and enjoy having sex with him wether he is intact or not. I really don't care about it, makes no difference to me YKWIM. Maybe you could get an intact toy, that's foreskin moves just like a real mans
Do they make those? If not, someone should email the gals over at Good Vibes!
post #51 of 173
If you don't mind sharing, what are the ages of the women, here, who are having trouble due to their partner's circ?
post #52 of 173
I'm 38. It's only been recently that it has been an issue.
post #53 of 173
19. and it only started to bug me since getting pregnant. It made me extra sensitive to the hammering and chafing :\
post #54 of 173
I am only 28 but got married when I was 23 and have always had issues. Dh's circ is very high and tight. If we go longer than say 5 minutes I end being sore. I just thought that is how sex was.

Oh, and ditto to the pregnant thing. If I thought sex was painful before, it was unbearable while pregnant.
post #55 of 173
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post #56 of 173
So, is there a possibility that the dryness (I'm assuming that's the issue??) could be the result of a combination of things - including emotional states? How is it possible to tell the issue is exclusively related to the circ?
post #57 of 173
I'm 32 and became sexually active around 21-22?? I've had 2 partners.

My first partner didn't have the extensive removal that DH does, and sex was very enjoyable for *ahem* very lengthy seesions.

DH is larger, very high and tight circ, and sex has always been somewhat difficult - even when I was 25. Since pregnancy is when it became very painful from start to even a quick finish. It's beyond impossible for me to climax through intercourse - or even enjoy it. And I really miss it.

I don't see that this is simply about dryness. Lube just isn't the solution, like most doctors rather dismissively suggest it is. It's so far beyond that. I'm always way wet, even still. (Sorry for the tmi...) In the past that has been a problem in that my partner couldn't get the friction he needed to finish because of the moisture. That wouldn't be the case if a forskin were involved.

To me an analogy would be like having a precision-tooled machine with a crutial gear missing and then suggesting that it just needs some oil to work properly. I really don't mean that snarky, May. Just that for those with this problem it's so obvious that it's not dryness.

I do believe that pregnancy is a big factor in the "change" - as much as age is. Also the individual penis (size, shape) and the outcome of the circ (remaining sensation, tightness...) are considerations, I imagine. But it seems fairly consistent that eventually, most women have difficulty long-term from circed penises.

And don't get me started about how it's put on women to carry the shame of disfunctional sex - that we're "frigid" and whatnot. It's completely and exclusively on the shoulders of those who propagate genital mutilation.



twins - I feel ya. It's a massive problem in a marriage that causes unbearable sadness on both sides, with no easy answers. DH used to feel bad about early climax (another circ related complication), and now feels bad if it takes more than a few seconds. Can you even imagine that dilemma?!? It's completely inhumane for him.
post #58 of 173

I feel so sad for the ladies here (everywhere) who areunable to enjoy loemaking with their DPs because of circumcision :

For those whose partners are intereted in restoring and have tight circs, do you they would be willing to stretch their skin, not to the point of coverage, but until their skin moves loosely over the shaft? My dh is restoring and he's at the point where his skin glides over the shaft (butdoesnt have coverage of the penis) and this has made a huge difference in the way sex feels.
post #59 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by CryPixie83 View Post
I see what you're saying, but if I have a great sex life with my circ'd dh, how much better for both he and I woul/could it have been if his parents hadn't consented to his mutilation?:
i see what you are saying. i was just pointing out that it isnt always better with an intact partner. many factors are involved other than circ.

i do have to say that this thread has been very educational for me. I never realized that women had sexual issues with circ'd men. It never occured to me that a circ. penis "operates" differently inside a woman differently than an intact mans (in my mind's eye, i thought the foreskin just pulled back and stayed back during intercourse). This was very enlightening and gives me one more reason to be an advocate against circ. It also makes me much sadder for my first 2 sons who are circ'd. I will definitely speak to them about foreskin restoration, but how exactly does that work? Isn't that another operation? Does anyone know whether there is a lot of pain involved?

Perhaps i should start another thread.

im sorry for all the mamas that have issues with this.
post #60 of 173
I'm 22. Had this problem with my last partner at 18 years old as well.
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