Telling other children

[sally Z]

when and how are you or have you told your other children if you have any. I have a 2yr old and not sure when to tell her

[mataji4]

some people like to wait a while, as 9 months is a long time for a child. but it's also real that pregnancy and a baby's growth is long. we told our kids at 5 weeks, mostly because it felt wierd not to tell them- the baby is going to change their lives and it's changing our's already, as far as my energy and tolerance levels! so i wanted them to know what was going on, that i was growing a new brother or sister and i think they are glad to know. my two year old just repeated "no, not right now" at first. but this morning at breakfast he announced that there was a baby in mommy's belly...so even at two they can begin the transition of becoming a big sibling/not the baby!

[Jenaka]

We just told our 2 y.o DD about a week ago. We said there is a baby in mommy's tummy and she keeps saying she wants to see the baby. We told her early because we wanted her to understand (as much as a 2 y.o can) that our family was changing and also to explain to her why mommy doesn't feel the greatest right now. I think keeping her involved as much as possible will help when the baby is finally here.

[Ks Mama]

I told my 2yo the day we found out I was pregnant... we were just so excited! I had been telling her about babies in general, and about being a big sister when DH & I had decided to try this month for another baby. She put her ear up to my belly to "listen for the baby". I'm sure it's a really abstract idea, and a LONG time away, but I couldn't see any reason NOT to tell her now. I also had gotten a couple of books from the library book sale on babies & sibling relationships, and we've been reading these.

Once the day gets closer, I'll start talking about the actual event, the changes that she can expect, etc.

There's a good chapter in the Elisabeth Pantley Book, "Hidden Messages" about bringing home a new baby.

[Laurorama73]

I'll be waiting a few more weeks to tell my DS, mainly because I don't want my ex to know yet.
It's hard to keep secret tho.

[todavia]

my son is 4 and we're waiting a while to tell him. several people have made good points on this issue in another thread that children are part of the family too and deserve to know what's going on. i agree for the most part but also feel like, as a parent i have the right to reserve some info or at least present it in a way that i feel is appropriate.

so, even though anything can still happen after that, i'd like to wait until i've heard a heartbeat and can feel a little more secure about everything - so probably closer to 12 weeks.

also, once we tell him EVERYONE will know (his daycare is in the same large hospital facility that my DP works in - i already had several people approach me over the summer asking if i was feeling better because keon had mentioned that i took my temperature a lot - oh yes much better thank you)

and he is at the stage where if something in the future is mentioned, he asks about it constantly - when is grandma coming over? grandma's coming now? is it time for grandma to be here yet?
he knows his days of the week and months and is pretty patient for a little guy but i think 28 + weeks of baby countdown with him be plenty.

so that's my reasoning at the moment. it could all change...

[Jilian]

I was going to wait to tell DS because I don't want my ex to know, but DS already knows. He keeps saying I have a baby in my belly. I have no idea how he knows because I have never said a word about it around him. This morning he asked me if there was a baby in my belly, I couldn't lie to him so I said yes. So now he knows.

[MammaV]

When preggo with kidlet #2, I was quite ill, so DD then 2 1/2 knew at about 6 weeks. I spent quite a bit of time puking and she had to do some things for herself that she was used to me doing for her. When DS was born she was almost 3 1/2 and wanted to be in the birthing tub. She'd been exposed to natural childbirth videos and had attended all my midwifery appts. She even tried to use the fetoscope to listen to heartbeats on her own. With my last pregnancy, I told her right away. She was 4 1/2 and was very excited. While I had a bit of the pukes, she helped amuse her brother. When I miscarried, she knew the baby died, painted pictures for her and was part of the journey. She has a good understanding and ability to comprehend pregnancy and childbirth and I didn't hesitate in including her in the journey from an early age. I feel that pregnancy, loss, childbirth, breastfeeding and that whole early journey needs to be shown to kids so they grow up with a feeling and understanding of natural pregnancy and childbirth and attachement parenting. OK, off my soapbox. I'll probably tell DD in the next week as long as DS agrees. He's still really scared of another miscarraige.

[MammaV]

One other quick note, I found that DD didn't have the same sense of waiting for baby to come as adults seem to have, but just experienced the pregnancy. We did buy an amariylls (sp) when preggo w/ DS and forced it so that it should bloom around my due date. But other than waiting for the plant to bloom, she just took pregnancy in stride without being frustrated at "when will this baby get here?!?" DS was born at 42+1, so the wait was fairly long....