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Talk to me about my space - Page 2

post #21 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamameg View Post
And in our case, it's the truth. We don't trust him or think him capable of good decision making a lof ot the time. We are working on those things with him, but he's not there yet. In our case, the 14 yo is developmentally delayed and is at about an 8-10 yo maturity level, so I know it's an extreme example, but some teens may very well not be equiped to handle the internet unsupervised.

This makes sense to me. It sounds like you are dealing with a special circumstance, and I can see how that would be a little bit different. That you are working on it is a great thing and not quite the same thing (IMO) as someone saying that a child viewing the internet in his room is "allowing them to view trash" because the parent "doesn't care".
post #22 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinas3muskateers View Post
Dont you watch the news? Are you aware of the amount of perverts on the web? Sorry privacy or not my job as her mother is to watch what is going on when she is on there, if I didnt I wouldnt be doing my job.
I do watch the news, with my kids even, and we have discussed all of that more than once. (Dateline even lol ) As far as doing our jobs as mothers I would say that we both are, we just interpret the job description differently.
post #23 of 94
My 13yo sister had a Myspace but she was getting too many nasty comments from some other girls so my mom deleted it. She was getting called a slut and stuff like that. Apparently dressing more mature gets you called a slut these days even if you haven't even kissed a boy yet. :

Anyway, she still has a Xanga account, which is much like Myspace. No one has ever bothered her online other than that one particular group of girls. I like that she has it because I can keep in touch with her and stuff. And since I see her site often, I can always let my mom know if anything is going on.
post #24 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa View Post
That you are working on it is a great thing and not quite the same thing (IMO) as someone saying that a child viewing the internet in his room is "allowing them to view trash" because the parent "doesn't care".
Well, I have to say I agree with you on that one.
post #25 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa View Post
I do watch the news, with my kids even, and we have discussed all of that more than once. (Dateline even lol ) As far as doing our jobs as mothers I would say that we both are, we just interpret the job description differently.
Same here... and another thing - we're all on the web right now, having conversations and interacting and all those sorts of things. An occasional pervert sends me an email or posts something here, but I ignore it or take care of it. It's not a big deal. I don't think the internet is all that scary, really, for me or for my daughter. I've met some of my best friends online.

Of course it's important to follow some basic safety precautions, but those have been part of Rain's understanding since she first got online, years and years ago. As she's gotten older, more potential issues have come up, just in conversation... we talk about stuff. I think going online is a lot less potentially dangerous that hanging out downtown, but Rain is okay doing both...

dar
post #26 of 94
Quote:
As for being able to surf around and "find things you shouldn't" ... you can do that without ever even thinking about having an account.
Yeah but just reading and surfing isn't likely to attract pedophiles to you.

Quote:
are you saying that respecting children is bull ?
I think that restricting their privacy is much more respectful than letting them run totally free.

Quote:
Sorry privacy or not my job as her mother is to watch what is going on when she is on there, if I didnt I wouldnt be doing my job.
This is how I feel. Safety is more important than privacy. If someone can interfere with my child's physical or moral health, that takes precedence over privacy.

Quote:
I don't think the internet is all that scary, really, for me or for my daughter.
I agree, but it can be so I think caution is prudent. I have been fooled before, and so far, it hasn't put me in danger but... it could happen.
post #27 of 94
Not only do you have to worry about the perverts but you have to worry about other girls as a pp mentioned, they can get nasty! They can be so terrible cruel to one another and middle school is the worst. They gang up on each other so easily. One minute there is a group of 6 of them that all love each other and a week later the have singled one out and toture her verbally with names like slut, whore, etc..

I feel much more comfortable with my PC in my living room. She will NEVER have one in her room untill she is an adult then she can do what she wants online its not my business. She is my business now. But this is just imo
post #28 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by urchin_grey View Post
My 13yo sister had a Myspace but she was getting too many nasty comments from some other girls so my mom deleted it. She was getting called a slut and stuff like that. Apparently dressing more mature gets you called a slut these days even if you haven't even kissed a boy yet. :
This is a very minor point in the grand scheme of this thread, but the words I bolded just jumped out at me. I was being called a slut for at least a year before I ever kissed a boy - or a girl, for that matter. I didn't dress "more mature", but I was more physically developed than most of the girls.

That was 25 years ago. The technology is different, but the behaviour is very similar.
post #29 of 94
Quote:
The technology is different, but the behaviour is very similar.
Doesn't mean we should let them use the new technology in support of that behavior.
post #30 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonfirefaery View Post
Doesn't mean we should let them use the new technology in support of that behavior.
I never said, or suggested, that it did. Calling someone a slut isn't acceptable, be it online or off. I just have a "thing" about people saying "these days" about behaviour that's been going on for a long, long time. (My mom went through similar things in the 50s.)
post #31 of 94
I gotcha.
post #32 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I never said, or suggested, that it did. Calling someone a slut isn't acceptable, be it online or off. I just have a "thing" about people saying "these days" about behaviour that's been going on for a long, long time. (My mom went through similar things in the 50s.)


But when they call you a slut, make a web page about it and post all kinds of nasty things on a message board... it makes it a little more intense when we were kids.

You can have a whole paged dedicated to hurting someone, and the world can see it.
post #33 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
This is a very minor point in the grand scheme of this thread, but the words I bolded just jumped out at me. I was being called a slut for at least a year before I ever kissed a boy - or a girl, for that matter. I didn't dress "more mature", but I was more physically developed than most of the girls.

That was 25 years ago. The technology is different, but the behaviour is very similar.
I agree, and I didn't even mean to write "these days". I didn't even mean it the way I wrote it. I mean, I'm only 21 so I was a teenager not very long ago so I wouldn't even know how kids acted 20+ years ago though I know my mom was treated that way too.

Sorry I wrote it like that.... I guess I just meant "these days" in a cliche(?) sort of way... if that makes any sense. :

I do agree though with the PP.... It *does* make it a lot easier for someone to be ganged up on. I mean, if I wanted to call someone a slut/whore/bitch it would be a lot easier to do it behind a computer screen than to do it to their face, kwim?
post #34 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonfirefaery View Post
Yeah but just reading and surfing isn't likely to attract pedophiles to you.


I think that restricting their privacy is much more respectful than letting them run totally free.


This is how I feel. Safety is more important than privacy. If someone can interfere with my child's physical or moral health, that takes precedence over privacy.


I agree, but it can be so I think caution is prudent. I have been fooled before, and so far, it hasn't put me in danger but... it could happen.
I TOTALLY agree with you on all points.
post #35 of 94
MySpace or anything else on the computer is done at the kitchen table. If one of my kids ever closes out a window when I go by, that's it. No more computer. Right now, our 12 yo has not been using MySpace.

By keeping the computer totally public, I feel we are avoiding as many problems as possible. We would rather encourage IRL friends, but as with me talking to people on this forum, sometimes people with the same interests aren't always next door.

This works very well for us. I'm not overly nosy, but he realizes that use of the computer is not his right and a way to withhold information. We have also stepped up the time spent in physical activities. Less time to be drawn to the computer.

Gloria
post #36 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonfirefaery View Post
I think that restricting their privacy is much more respectful than letting them run totally free.
Well, what do you mean by totally free? Because the definitions matter. Do you mean that by not censoring or controlling my Dd's My Space page (and other online convos) that I am letting her run totally free? What does that mean to you? Does it mean that she is without any guidance at all from me and her Dad? Does is mean that we never discuss issues regarding internet safety? Or does it mean that we just aren't in total control over everything she does online? We talk a lot in our family. The talking, debating, sharing of opinions, finding common ground, and etc are what help us trust each other.

She has conversations about music that I probably wouldn't be all that interested in regarding bands I have probably never heard of. She goes back and forth with her best friend and another girl about things I wasn't present for (movies they watched, the boy her friend saw at the mall but didn't talk to, etc). She might share a bunch of this stuff with me anyway, but I don't think I need to examine all of what she is saying. We touch base often. If that is what you are considering "totally running free" then we accept that label proudly.


Quote:
Safety is more important than privacy. If someone can interfere with my child's physical or moral health, that takes precedence over privacy.
I value my kids' safety very much. When they were infants it prompted me put them in the proper seat in the car, when they were crawlers it moved me to keep small objects they could choke on out of reach, when they were preschoolers it led me to talking about how we can look out for traffic & hold hands, and when they are teens it means I talk about sex, drugs, internet safety, friends, alcohol, and .... you get the idea.

Discussion is powerful. Modeling the kind of behavior you like to see is powerful. Tight control, banning, and censorship, particularly in pre-teens and teenagers just doesn't foster the kind of relationship I am looking for with my kids.
post #37 of 94
The Internet is pervasive and getting more so every day. (And this isn't just about Myspace. Myspace is one site.) Wireless access is everywhere and you can browse the web from phones and portable game systems, and even if your kids don't have devices like that, it's likely they'll have friends who do. Public libraries all have Internet access, too. I just don't see it as practical to expect to supervise teens' Internet use 100% of the time. Better IMO to talk about internet safety (as well as the differences between online interaction and real life, the consequences of anonymity, netiquette, etc) starting young, and keep the lines of communication open...
post #38 of 94
Anybody who thinks My Space is safe and tame should read the following written by a mother.

It originally appeared in the Los Angeles Times, April 8, 2006

Testing the Bounds of MySpace
A writer learns a lot from an experiment with the popular social networking site -- especially about her 13-year-old daughter.
By Catherine Saillant
Times Staff Writer

http://tinyurl.com/rrwmj

Quote:
I've covered murders, grisly accidents, airplanes falling out of the sky and, occasionally, dirty politics.

But in nearly two decades of journalism, nothing has made my insides churn like seeing what my 13-year-old daughter and her friends are up to on MySpace.com.

Here's a bulletin I recently found posted to her site:

"OMG! Add this hott guy! He will whore the first 20 people added to his friends list…. Add him! You can do it in his van!"

Loosely translated, the teenage girl was "pimping" a teenage boy, shown smooching his guitar, as a potential new friend — or more — for my daughter. If Taylor added him to her MySpace "friends" list, the tousled-hair teen would be able to look at her website and send messages to her.

The soliciting girl made the pitch to all 245 of her own "friends" with a simple keystroke.

In the MySpace world, this is called a "whore code." It's a mild — very mild — example of the coarse language and often profane messages that are plastered all over the social networking site like graffiti on bathroom walls.

It was this coarseness and an abject lack of manners (not to mention extremely poor grammar) that bothered me the most as I entered the second month of a deal that I had worked out with my often headstrong daughter.
It's an interesting article. I think the daughter manipulates mom and mom is too weak to counter it.

I think that for kids who are more peer oriented, than parent oriented (looking to family for guidance) this kind of thing can be more of a Pandora's box of problems. Unfortunately, most (not all) kids (IMO) fall under that category.
post #39 of 94
So maybe the underlying issue is the kind of relationship kids have with their parents, and myspace is just one way problems might be expressed... if you ban myspace, maybe they'll sneak out and meet guys for sex in vans, or whatever, or call them on the phone and plan it, or discuss it at school... myspace is a vehicle for communication, neither good nor bad in and of itself. If you trust your child and her ability to make good decisions and to call you when she's in over her head, then you don't need to worry about my space. If not, then I think the underlying problem is a lot deeper than having a myspace or not.

dar
post #40 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by smillerhouse View Post
MY daughter is 13.5 and loves myspace. I just try to basically know who she is commicating with. It is mainly freinds she knows and see reguarly. I at least once a month ask tko see her friends page. She also has a lot of bands on there. It seems very ilmportant for her to have this space and privacy. I try to know who she is corresponsding with on the phone,on myspace, on IM and of course supervise who she is with shen she gets together with her friends. I put limits on it. I want to have balnce i n her life-some academics (we homeschool),she plays volleyball,guitar,some time with family and enough rest. Friends though are first priority now and my Space I have come to accept but I keep an eye on it while allowing her that power of choice and privacy that seems so important. We do a lot of talking and will talk about stuff that is objectionable,why this is,etc.Sallie
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