Talk to me about my space - Page 5

[Dar]

I like when I can just wait a few minutes to respond and find that someone has done it for me... two people, even.

So yeah, maybe I could turn my back for a second at the library and a man with a gun and chloroform could appear and drag my daughter off into the bushes...but that's just not a big worry for me. Outside of CSI, I don't think it happens. Even if it does, you can't live life giving up opportunities because of the one in a billion chances that something will go wrong.

Originally Posted by moonfirefaery

And no matter how much I trust my son to make the right choice, I'm not going to send/allow him to go to dangerous places. I'm not going to let him drive on the freeway the day after getting his liscense or walk around in the ghetto at night. I'm not going to send him into a snake pit or a hornet's nest and just say "I trust you to handle it." To me, that's what Myspace is. There are a lot of nice folk on Myspace, but there are a lot of very savory folk on it as well.

Do you mean unsavory? There are unsavory people everywhere...

Seems to me that there are classist/racist overtones to your "ghetto" comment, so I'll leave that for now, except to note that when my daughter has walked around "ghettos" at night she's been with friends who live there... and if my child wanted to drive on the freeway and had adequate information about it (driving experience, knowledge about the freeway, etc) I can't see why I'd try to prevent it.

And yeah, we're not really afraid of penises here, either... and really, if someone felt compelled to put a photo of himself masterbating on his myspace, and we saw it before it was taken down, we'd definitely laugh, because that's just pathetic...

dar

[Dar]

Originally Posted by moonfirefaery

We learned about this in high school. It is a fallacy of logic, an appeal to ignorance. You ask a question to insinuate that if the person cannot answer, their point must be incorrect.

Are you equalliy worried about your child being kidnapped by fairies? Just because I can't show you an cases of it happening doesn't mean that it couldn't...

http://www.ilovebeingamom.com/child-...predators.html
The ISP enables you to track sites visited, track downloads with graphics, and even check your e-mails. NOTE: It is essential that your check all information your server provides you, since they too have the ability to Track your every move. Predators can work at server providers’ offices!

Making money off the internet predator hysteria.

http://www.wiredsafety.org/cyberstal...ing_qanda.html
'Armed only with an IP address and the desire to target another individual, a stalker or sexual predator will easily be able to pierce the fragile veil of anonymity afforded to Internet users. '

This was 2 or 3 years ago, and the "loophole" is closed. It was about record companies being able to get access to people's addresses from ISPs so that they could sue for illegal downloading. I have yet to see the cyberstalker who was able to successfully convince an ISP that he was truly a record company.

http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2006/ap...l_predator_law
In this case, a girl had simply listed her zipcode on NEOPETS and found herself in a world of trouble. There's a nice set of statistics at the bottom.

"A world of trouble" being a man asking for photos and telling her he knew where she lived? Which he may or may not have, judging from the article. How is this different from the man on the street who says the same sort of thing.... except that is this case, she has no physical contact with the man.

Google it, and yo'll find lots of sites advertising software that can match a real address and loads of personal info to an IP address. If a parent can use it to track a sexual predator soliciting their children...so too can the predator use it.

I tried... didn't find any. I know you can trace IP addresses to a city, but an actual address?

No, just that it can be just as dangerous to agree to meet a stranger in public with an adult as it is to agree to meet one in private alone.

I strongly disagree..

I'm not saying the genatalie and masturbation would be scary or harmful, but that doesn't mean I want my child on webpages where it's lurking around the corner, just as I don't want my kids watching Playboy (or even Nip/Tuck, lol)

My child doesn't especially want to be on these webpages, either... so she doesn't click on them.

I just asked her how many penises she's seen in her 2 or 3 years on myspace. "Zero... but I've seen a couple boobs," was her reply. She has seen a few on google images, accidentally... and of course some in real-life photos, at the gay pride store. Just some data points.

Dar

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by moonfirefaery

No, just that it can be just as dangerous to agree to meet a stranger in public with an adult as it is to agree to meet one in private alone.

I do think that, in a sticky situation, my Dd is generally safer with me than without. It doesn't mean that she is always with me though, or that she will always be doomed without me.

(or even Nip/Tuck, lol)

Ahh yes. We do do this parenting thing differently lol.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by Dar

I just asked her how many penises she's seen in her 2 or 3 years on myspace. "Zero... but I've seen a couple boobs," was her reply. She has seen a few on google images, accidentally... and of course some in real-life photos, at the gay pride store. Just some data points.

Following your example I just asked Dd how many penises she had seen in the last 3 years. Her answer was much the same. She said she has seen 2 penises: One while looking at a band webpage, and one intentionally when she wanted to see the difference between a circ'd and uncirc'd penis. Boobs do pop up more, not the least of which in the art I create.

[moonfirefaery]

LOL, it's not a big worry for me usually either, but it would be if we were going to meet a stranger from the internet.

Yes, I meant unsavory, and while there are everywhere, there are places where there are ore unsavory characters than other places.

I didn't say anything about race whatsoever. Every place I have ever lived, there are people of MANY races living in the 'ghetto' and a higher crime rate.

Information isn't the same as experience.

I'm not afraid of penises, just don't think my kids have any business seeing them on the internet.

Are you equalliy worried about your child being kidnapped by fairies? Just because I can't show you an cases of it happening doesn't mean that it couldn't...

Another fallacy of logic, a false analogy, where you compare two things that are ridiculously unsimilar and only compare in a very superficial ways. Fairies haven't been proven to exist; child predators and IP tracking software do exist.

Making money off the internet predator hysetria.

That doesn't make the threat any less real.

I know you can trace IP addresses to a city, but an actual address?

It's not as simple as just entering an IP address and getting an actual address. It takes a bit more work, but no, it is not incredibly difficult for a person to use someone's IP address to locate the computer they are using. Police do it all the time. Do you think they are the only ones capable?

My child doesn't especially want to be on these webpages, either... so she doesn't click on them.

Just out of curiosity, how does she know before clicking on someone's profile whether or not porn will be on it?

I do think that, in a sticky situation, my Dd is generally safer with me than without. It doesn't mean that she is always with me though, or that she will always be doomed without me.

I agree; they are safer with you than without...but that doesn't mean I want my kids in those sticky situations either way, so I probably wouldn't want them meeting anyone off the internet!

Boobs pop up a lot. Even on profiles of 13 year olds unfortunately..

[Dar]

Originally Posted by moonfirefaery

I'm not afraid of penises, just don't think my kids have any business seeing them on the internet.

I'm imagining that you don't read Savage Love with your child every week either... wait, I just noticed that your son is *15 months old*? Um, it doesn't seem that you have any real-world experience parenting preteens or teens... and while of course you have the right to express your opinions, I can't help but take them with a large grain of salt coming from someone without any experience with parenting a teen or preteen at all...

That doesn't make the threat any less real.

That people are making money off it? No, but it sure makes their webpages very suspect as sources of information. If I'm selling something to protect you something, it's in my interest to convince you that the threat is serious and that it could affect you. There's a clear bias...

Just out of curiosity, how does she know before clicking on someone's profile whether or not porn will be on it?

Does she know 100%? No, but then neither do I. We can use good judgement to reduce the likelihood, though, which has worked so far. If it doesn't work, we can close the windows.

Boobs pop up a lot. Even on profiles of 13 year olds unfortunately.

Probably... but not the ones my daughter is friends with, and not the ones who have close, trusting parental relationships.

dar

[mama in the forest]

:

[Tinas3muskateers]

After reading the post on here I feel that people are failing to see that teenagers have minds of their own and want to explore their "adulthood". They have parents for a reason. To guide and look after them. It is my job as a mom to protect my child. Even as a teen she is still a child. Under my care. Anyone will tell you the number one saftey rule for teens and the internet is to keep the computer in the open, not in a bedroom locked away. We can give our children knowledge, wisdom and trust but they have their own minds and will make their own choices, even ones they know we wont approve of. Why? Because they are young adults testing the waters, learning lifes lessons and why risk their saftey by letting them take the lead in such dangers territory?

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by Tinas3muskateers

After reading the post on here I feel that people are failing to see that teenagers have minds of their own and want to explore their "adulthood".

No I agree fully that teenagers have minds of their own and that they are coming into adulthood. Where have we failed to see that?

They have parents for a reason. To guide and look after them. It is my job as a mom to protect my child.

I agree. I look after my kids and I help them learn how to look after themselves. They've got a pretty big chunk of it down already.

Anyone will tell you the number one saftey rule for teens and the internet is to keep the computer in the open, not in a bedroom locked away.

And that's fine for anyone who is so inclined. I just happen to disagree that it's a must or necessary. I think we can navigate the internet safely with my kids having their own PC.

We can give our children knowledge, wisdom and trust but they have their own minds and will make their own choices, even ones they know we wont approve of. Why? Because they are young adults testing the waters, learning lifes lessons and why risk their saftey by letting them take the lead in such dangers territory?

My kids and I do not always agree. It's alright though. On the big stuff we come to a place of agreement. We even come to a place of agreement on what the big stuff is! I don't see MySpace as automatically dangerous territory.

[moonfirefaery]

Well, apparently despite the fact that I myself was a teenager just 2 years ago, have an 18 year old brother that I offer lots of guidance to, as well as several teenage brothers-in-law going through teenage-specific issues that they share with me, have myself encountered plenty of things on MySpace that I doubt I'd have been comfortable with as a teenager, and I've done plenty of research and heard what 'experts' from both ends of the spectrum have to say, I don't have a valid point of view on this issue because my son is only 15 months old. I couldn't possibly know anything about being/raising a teenager because of that, so therefore I'll say forewell. I thought that you don't have to give birth to a child and raise them into teenagerhood to be aware of the issues that go along with being a teenager, to remember what it was like to be a teenager, or to have experience guiding teenagers through such issues. Thank you for showing me how wrong I was. Later.

Tinas3muskateers, ITA.

[mamawanabe]

2 rules

computer in the living room

me being a friend on dc's myspace (just create a dummy account if you don't ahev one) so I can see dc's friends (and talk about them with dc if necessary) but not the e-mails. If dc's account is set to private, than there can't be random e-mails, just e-mail from her online friends, whose profiles I can view. I think dc's e-mails are private, but being able to view the profile means that if there is anything going on (bullying etc), I will be aware of it an able to talk about it

[Dar]

Just a reminder than sarcasm is a violation of the UA...

And yes, I do believe that parenting (I don't like the implications of the word "raising") a teen is very different from being a teen, having teen-age siblings, or reading about teens. I think living through most parenting experiences is very different from reading about them, or having been parented.

dar

[EastonsMom]

I think that is WAY to young for myspace. There is far to much CRAP on and out there that I would NOT won't my son seeing or even thinking about at 12, even 13. I know todays tweens and you teenagers are NOT the Sam as my generation which was not all that long ago. I know my mom would have said HELLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOO to myspace and yes I would have been furious and mortified and everyother part of teen angst that comes up between parnet and CHILD but now as an adult and a parnet I can see and respect the barriers that were placed on me as a CHILD. 12/13 is still a child I think and it is such a formable age. Good luck. I think the things I got the maddest at my mom about in retrospect were the most important and needed boundries. I am SOOO not looking forward to that age. Good luck again!

[moonfirefaery]

My opinion about the safety of the internet and whether MySpace is safe for teenagers and how to protect a teen onlinet isn't less valid because of my son's age. Taking care of and providing guidance to several teenage siblings may be different from parenting, but it does give you experience 'dealing with' teens. I don't have to have parented a teenager to remember what I was like as a teenager and what I probably needed from my parents. Parenting experience isn't the only valid basis for an opinion.

Isn't name calling against the UA as well? Why is it okay for you to insinuate that I am racist for using the word 'ghetto' but not for me to be sarcastic? You may not have come right out and said 'you are racist,' but you did state that my 'ghetto' comment had racist overtones--which would make me racist. Semantics. Your posts have a lot of sarcastic overtones, while not being overly sarcastic.

This discussion has been full of fallacies of logic and insinuations. First, the appeal to ignorance, then the red herring of racism, then the false analogy, & finally a dismissal of my opinion altogether based on my son's age. Maybe half of the discussion involved actual exchanges of opinions and points. What was the deal with responding to my statement that I don't think my kids need to be seeing penises all over the internet with the 'grain of salt' comment? Am I not allowed to be anti-kids-seeing-porn unless my child is a certain age? Why can't there ever just be a polite exchange of opinions and facts?