Can I vent here?

[MarcyC]

Okay...imagine this...I'm talking with a circle of friends (I think there are 5-6 of us talking).

They all know my background with low supply, drugs, herbs, teas, SNS, etc.

So one of the moms asks if the babies are weaned from bottles yet. A few chime in about bottles. Then another mom says that her baby gets water from a sippy, but also is still nursing.

I say that Megan is doing the same - water from sippy. I think she's had juice once, but she also still nurses.

Now...keep in mind that I still have to use an SNS. Obviously since she is older and eating more there are days or times of day that I don't have to use it. I can take her cues. If she's relatively full and just using the breast for a little drink or a moment of comfort that's fine. But if she's using the breast to satisfy hunger, I usually have to use the SNS. I have had to become very aware of her cues, kwim?

I *think* that some of these moms know that I'm still using the SNS sometimes but I'm not sure if they know or who knows or what....

So...one of the moms says, "i'm so jealous of you two still BF'ing." It just didn't work out for us. I had so many problems and I just couldn't get over them."

Another mom said her first two had latch problems but this third baby latched fine, but after 3 weeks her milk dried up.

And yet another mom chimed in to say that she BF'd for 8 mos, but her cycles came back and her milk dried up.

GEESH!!!! I just couldn't believe it. I mean, these moms know the I've been through with BF'ing and they still say 'it was hard, I had to quit...' .

Hello!? It definitely wasn't easy for me. Still isn't, really. And I continue. I mean, maybe I'm being too judgemental on these moms. I know a lot of people just couldn't perservere. Not to mention the $$$ on all the drugs, herbs, teas, lactogenic foods, etc. But when I think about the bond we now have, it makes all that worthwhile.

Oh, and with the woman whose milk dried up at 3 weeks, should I tell her to go get checked by her dr. I mean, what if it's retained placental fragments or something. It could be potentially serious, right?

Am I just being too sensitive or judgemental?

[St. Margaret]

No, that's a touch situation to be in. I'm sure I'd be upset too. I'd take the chance to talk to them about right then and there, though. Maybe you can bring some of the points you mentioned up, esp about the milk drying up-- that does sound like either retained placenta OR she really needs more education b/c she was doing something to hurt her supply?

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by MarcyC

Am I just being too sensitive or judgemental?

No.

[elmh23]

I'm sorry they don't get it. Everytime we've had a problem with nursing and I want to quit, I think of mama's like you and it makes me persevere. If you work so hard to get some breastmilk into your babe, then I shouldn't even think of quitting.

[Clarinet]

One thing I have trouble with as a budding lactivist is accepting the fact that everyone's "tried hard enough" is different. While some mothers endure bleeding nipples, painful thrush, recurring mastitis and supplemented their low supply with SNS, other mothers think that a few days of painful latch in a brand new baby is intolerable. Again, it's the formula companies and doctors to blame because if breastmilk was pushed as the absolute, complete, important and natural way to feed and formula was explained to be inferior to the point of only used in true emergency/supply issue situations, maybe more mothers would realize that a few days/weeks of discomfort make up for themselves with the lifetime of benefits to our children.

[ndunn]

I would totally feel the same way! I feel for you!

This is one of the reasons I don't think I have any friends that don't breastfeed....I mean unless its a medical thing, then obviously I pass no judgement at all.

I really admire all the work you've put into breastfeeding. Wow.

[Katerz2u]

Marcy, just wanted to say , from an occasional PHer.
I dont think you are over reacting at all. It amazes me how many ladies from my expecting group (not on this board), were dead set on nursing, but gave up because they werent making enough milk. I think Im one of the only ones who is nursing. Makes me upset that all those woman gave up so easily. I admire all you ladies who do whatever you have to, to provide your babies with the best. :

[Sharondio]

Originally Posted by Katerz2u

Marcy, just wanted to say , from an occasional PHer.
I dont think you are over reacting at all. It amazes me how many ladies from my expecting group (not on this board), were dead set on nursing, but gave up because they werent making enough milk. I think Im one of the only ones who is nursing. Makes me upset that all those woman gave up so easily. I admire all you ladies who do whatever you have to, to provide your babies with the best. :

From a talk by Dia Michels (author of Milk, Money & Madness), the number one reason women give up nursing? Perceived lack of supply. It seems the entire system is setup from the start to instill and breed insecurity in new moms. From the sheets in the hospital charting feeds and diapers, to the weighing (which was instituted by canned milk companies) and charting, to the nurses at the doctors needing to know "how much" the baby is taking.

[mammal_mama]

I very rarely meet a mom who says, "I COULD have breastfed ... just didn't want to." They generally feel a need to explain why they "couldn't." In a way, that says something positive about the progress of lactivists thus far: it's the formula-feeding moms, not the breastfeeding moms, who are on the defensive.

I'm not saying I want, or you want, to put others on the defensive. How wonderful that you've stuck with it through so many obstacles! You and your daughter are so blessed.

[MaryJaneLouise]

Ah, Marcy : I feel your pain. As a fellow low-supply mom, we get it from both sides.

From people who kinda tried.... "You're so lucky, good for you, it just didn't work for us."

From people who don't believe low supply exists..... "You're just imagining that you have low supply."

We can't win, can we? :sigh:

[lillake]

No, I think I'd be upset and hurt that you fought so hard and they just gave up so easy.

I met a mama once that had breast cancer, had one breast removed and part of her other beast. A year later she became pregnant and nursed her son til he was 18 months. Every time I hear a mama aying "It was just too hard" I thikn of her and just feel outraged that she did it through so much and they gave up so quickly.

Stepping off my now.

[annettemarie]

*hugs* I can't begin to imagine how hard it would be to sit in a circle of friends and listen to that, especially given all you've gone through to nurse your baby. I hate that we live in a society that makes it hard for women, you know? Our culture ostracizes breastfeeding mothers, makes them seem outside the norm, tells them their milk isn't good enough. It really can be hurtful when people buy into it, especially given all you've overcome.

[MarcyC]

Thanks mamas! I'm so glad I have you all. I hate it when people say, "that's so great that you're still BF'ing. I would have BF'd longer but it just didn't come easily for us." I don't know if I want to get irritated (like, it really didn't come easy for me either) or laugh hysterically...kwim?

[eepster]

Originally Posted by MaryJaneLouise

From people who don't believe low supply exists..... "You're just imagining that you have low supply."

We can't win, can we? :sigh:

People probably say things like that b/c so many moms either are just imagining low supply or b/c many moms use it as an excuse to quit. It ends up distracting attention from those induviduals who actually do have a problem.

It's like with peope who tell doctors they are allergic to an antibioticb/c it upset their stomach, so if you really are allergic you might have trouble with people taking you seriously.

It is quite possible that the friend who's milk "dryed up" at three weeks simply stopped feeling engorged (which is normal) if she came to this conclusion on her own and didn't see an LC like you did.