42 hours. So you know beforehand, 1st birth, hospital, I was a sheep, medwives knew everything.... you get the idea.
2:00am waters leaked, mild contractions.... continued throughout night and next day, slow, manageable progression at home, but a lot of back pain
7:00pm following evening strong contractions 4 min apart
8:15pm took drug cocktail (mild painkiller, relaxant) and labor shut down by 9:30pm.
10:30pm decided to go to bed. But then contractions started up again.
11:30pm 5 min apart, painful. I was tired so went to hospital.
Midnight until 6:00am horribly painful contractions, back pain, frightened, alone (DH there but useless - We should just do exactly as mw says, you not really in labor anyway
: ). Ask for epidural, no. Ask for tub, no.
6:15am in a narrow hospital tub. Wow, that cut the pain! Feeling better.
8:30am AROM to speed things up. Out of tub. HORRIFIC pain, can NOT cope, but not dialating (3cm). Feel despair, hopelessness.
10:30am. Repeatedly beg to die. Try to figure out how to kill myself. I do not know I am having a baby. Leave my body, watch it dead, beautiful.
11:30am Epidural placed. 11:30 coming back to reality. Ashamed, scared, still not interested in living but not trying to die. Aware there is a baby in me.
12:30pm Pit. More pit, more pit....With epidural can feel contractions, but not much. On back. More, more, more pit....
5:30pm I am 9cm open, now fully, I can push. But no urge to do so and a lip in the way. Medwife can not move lip.
6:30pm Cervix developes ring of blisters, cervix closes back up.
7:30pm Doctor called. I need emergency cesarean. I insist on trying to push, doesn't work with lip, blisters, brow presentation (?? This I will never know, written in records as mal presentation, but not specific. Doc thought nose was presenting)
8:30pm Kristoffer cut out of me. Head is out of me but body is still inside my womb, yet he screams. I don't know this baby, don't want "it."
I won't get into the trauma, convulsions.... because that came after.
DD's EDD in about a week. I will never leave my home.