Exhausted mommies support thread? - Page 2

[joy2bmom]

why does the little clock thing on my other post say 1:29am when its actually after 3am here? just curious

[ChiaraRose]

I am sooo with you. My ds goes to bed at around 8.00 and usually stays in bed until 5.00, BUT he he is an hourly waker, sometimes more often and if I don't nurse him, he freaks out. Sometimes nursing won't do and I have to rock him.
Worse comes to worse, we just traveled to Europe and I am in jetlag hell and all by myself. It is so bad, last night I lied next to ds and cried, something I usually don't do.: I was ready to rebook my ticket and go back today. Right now he is asleep and I am in a weird way awake, so no sleepies for me...
I have the same problem as the op, why does all my friend's crib sleeping babies wake up no more than 2 times a night and can you get in trouble if you kick another mom in the shins if she whines that her 8 months old still wakes up once a night??
Wish you all a lot of sleeping vibes. It always feels good not to be alone.

[mamabain]

been sleep deprived until recently. over 5 years if you wanna get specific. first child was up every 2 hours max from birth till we nightweaned at close to 3. had second child when first turned 3 and she has been up 1.5 hours to 2 hours every night until we nightweaned just recently.

now she goes down at 8 and sleeps solid some nights until 4. i can't drink coffee or she'll be up again more frequently. also, our bedtime for her used to be closer to 10 or 10:30 and i think by that point she was just so overtired. she isn't napping now either. she wakes up sometime between 5 and 6 and i nurse her. she falls back to sleep for a whiile and the nursing continues until she forces me to get up around 7:30. it is still much better than up every 1.5 hrs.

[karin95]

oy vey!

I've found my people.
Our foster daughter is leaving us at the end of the month after a year with us. She's 16 months old.
The one good thing about her leaving is that we'll get some SLEEEEEEEP.

She came to us at 6 months (but was 3 months preemie, so she was 3 mos adjusted age). She had NO self-soothing skills and wouldn't sleep for more than 20 minutes in her carseat/crib/hammock. If we slung her, and vigorously parented her to sleep and kept her asleep, she would usually take at least one 1.5-2 hour nap. It would take 1-2 hours to get her to stay fall and stay asleep at night (so basically our whole evening from 8-10pm would be putting her to sleep, going back in and putting her back to sleep, etc.) And she still would wake up every 1.5-2 hours for a bottle.

She actually qualified for Early Intervention mainly because she was 10 months old and never slept even close to 4 hours at a time overnight (2.5 was her max at that time)! Also, we still had to swaddle her for sleep or she'd smack herself awake. She did best swaddled until she was around 1 year old.

After starting occupational therapy, it got a lot better. She started falling asleep easier and staying asleep when we put her in the hammock.

Now she falls asleep really easily. Will take 2 naps a day for 45mins-2 hrs. Sometimes needs to be helped back to sleep during a nap, but usually not.
Overnight she wakes up for 1 or 2 bottles (from 8pm to 8am) and occasionally needs an additional cuddle or 2. Except for right now, cuz she's having horrible allergies and can't breathe well, so she's waking up every hour or so....

If we were keeping her for longer, we'd be on the road to her sleeping through the night. But, fortunately, her dad will have to teach her that.

Anyway, I'm so sleep deprived, I can't stop babbling!

[Nora'sMama]

Originally Posted by karin95

She actually qualified for Early Intervention mainly because she was 10 months old and never slept even close to 4 hours at a time overnight (2.5 was her max at that time)!

Um, does that mean my DD would have actually qualified for therapy because she didn't sleep 4 hours at a stretch at 10 months?? Whoa! What do they do in OT that helped your little one to sleep?

I never thought that Nora might have an actual treatable *problem*...I just thought that this is how some babies are. I don't remember exactly how long her longest stretch was at 10 months but I'm sure it wasn't more than 2.5 hours. Not without nursing.

[royaloakmi]

Umm, so what are we doing wrong here?

My twins are almost 3 yo and I have not slept through the night since they were born (actually, since before they were born.) My dd slept through the night once, about 2 weeks ago. Ds has come as close as only one nightwaking. Of course, they've never done it on the same night :

So, yes, I've been extraordinarily sleep deprived for at least 3 years. I'm sure I could qualify as a subject for a military study or something.

[Hokulele]

I could have written your post! Oh I feel for you, I really really do. The only differences are 1. my DD is only 15 months old but 2. I had crippling insomnia for the first 9 months of her life.

Ugh!

I wish I could offer some real, helpful advice that would actually result in some rest. But clearly I am not in a position to offer it. DD has never ever fallen asleep without being held or snuggled (the car ride being the exception). When friends tell me their DC just randomly fell asleep in the middle of playing with their toys I could cry with envy. Somedays I handle it better than others. Some days I'm so exhausted I can't even drum up tears of frustration.

Like you, I feel I am not being the mother I want to / could be. I'm not the wife I want for my DH and I am not the person I want to be for me. This exhaustion is like a straitjacket cutting short any emotion or abilities. And yes, I have envy for DH that he gets a good solid nights sleep on a regular basis. Last night DD nursed several hours straight then woke screaming at 3am (with the night terrors?), we got up, read books, etc, then got back in bed and nursed the rest of the night, waking on and off. This morning DH said he didn't even notice that we were up.

So, thank you for this post. I wish we all could find ways to get the rest we need.

[tulsidas]

so the pole says yes

i am with you mamas with no sleep (although after reading people's post i am not in as bad of a situation) has anyone tried NOT to co-sleep.

i know i dont want to but sometimes i wonder if our family would sleep better if we did not co-sleep. i know its the better way, but is there a time when other mothers have decided to try separate sleeping and it worked.

i knew a mama who co-slept for 6 months and then put her girl in a crib and that night was the first night they all slept.

my DD at times feels like she is on the nipple all night or she is whining for it and it drives me crazy. it is so hard to deal rationally or compassionately when you are tired.

if anyone has good ideas please post.

love to you all!!!!!!!!!

[mackysmama]

I haven't had an uninterrupted night sleep in four and half years. I'm not joking. Not ONE uninteruppted night. I thought my son was the worst sleeper EVER until I had my daughter. At least he was reasonable and would nurse all night in bed NEXT to me but my daughter refuses and I mean refuses to sleep next to me but still wants me to nurse her all night long. : I am hoping to get some sleep in 2008.

[ChickyMama]

Wow, I can really relate with all you mamas. We co-sleep but my dd, 14 months, sleeps in her crib for naps for safety reasons and because I cant get her to go to sleep any more by nursing her on my bed. She nurses and then crawls off the bed. I tried repeatedly putting her back on the bed and telling her night night but that didnt work so this is what I do. Get into the crib, read a story, nurse, and then lay there while she sits there and fidgets sometimes for an hour straight and then eventually lays down and falls asleep, then I sneak out of the crib. She sleeps 1-1.5 hours and then wakes, I get back in the crib, nurse, she falls asleep, I sneak out again. 1-2 hours later she wakes again, I put her in my bed, she nurses and we sleep. All night she continues to try to nurse every couple hours and I have started to hold her close with my shirt down and let her cry for a couple minutes, sometimes she persists and sometimes she starts sucking her thumb and then goes back to sleep. Of course once I get her to sleep at night I stay up so I can feel like a normal person but should really be sleeping. I even tried taking her to the chiro to see if an adjustment would help, he didnt touch her because he said that she looked great but that I needed some work! : No kidding. He suggested homeopathic chamomile which I tried with no luck, though I think it gave her a sugar high. Hylands teething tablets do work sometimes when teething is really bad but that is short lived.

I started reading the book the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It has helped me realize how important a regular schedule and a nighttime routine are among other things but I think I am so sleep deprived that I havent put enough effort in to implementinf a lot of her strategies. She did a study with 60 women like ourselves who implemented her ideas and in ten days she said 42% of the babies slept through the night and by day 60, 92% slept through the night. She also has a book specifically for toddlers. Maybe we should have a book club thread and see what things work best for people.

Well good luck ladies for some sleep tonight.

[ecoteat]

Too tired to read everyone's posts... I go through waves of exhaustion. DD's sleep pattern seems to change dramtically every few weeks, so my energy level does to. The hardest part for me is that every night is like playing the lottery. Lately there's no rhyme or reason to what makes one night better than another. Last night I lost big time. Tonght she fell asleep earlier than ever, and she's up nursing now, so who knows what tonight will bring? Thank goodness I'm only teaching part time right now!

[muse]

i'm here, too...i've really hit the wall the past month, now i'm sick because i'm so run down. with ds he nursed all night till 18 months then we used dr jay gordon's nightweaning technique; after that he slept through the night no problem. so i was looking forward to dd being 18 mos but turns out she has no interest in following gordon's program. whether i nurse her or not she's up every 2 hrs at least. tomorrow we're taking her to a cranio-sacral therapist for this; i'll let you know how it goes, but i'm not expecting anything dramatic...

[hipumpkins]

Every once in a blue moon DH will sleep with DS and I get abut 4/5 hours of sleep this actaully makes me fee physically worse. I am so much fuzzier and unbablanced than if I were just up all night. does this happen to anyone else or do you get refreshed?
I nightwenaed DD (my 1st) arund 17 mos b/c she was up every 45 minutes until than. After nightweaning she slept really well. I actually remember, clear as a bell the 1st ngiht she slept for 5 hours...I was worrying almost the whole time.
I am trying to night wean DS but he is a tougher customer.

ooops baby wakes gott run :

[**guest**]

I haven't slept through the night in at least 5 yrs. It actually started before my son was born.
I'm sure a lot of my problem is stress. Doc is also wondering if it's apnea but I said I don't want to go to the sleep study until ds is comfortable with me being away from him at night. (he's special needs and I doubt he'll be comfortable being away from me at night for a couple more years at least).

[Fiasmom]

Me, too!

I have composed some pretty ugly letters in my head to Dr. Sears while lying awake in the middle of the night, with my back twisted into some awful position while the baby nurses. I love my children, boy, do I love my children. And I love what Dr. Sears stands for, but it's not quite what I imagined before the kids came at all. I am quite sure that I will have back problems for the rest of my life, and I haven't slept for more that 3 hours straight in about, well close to 4 years. I am glad I did the AP thing, but if I accidentally got pregnant again, I don't know if I could do it a third time. I just feel like an idiot some times when someone tells me that their child goes to sleep by themselves in less than 5 minutes and sleeps the whole night through. :

[Nora'sMama]

It's another wonderful night here at the Nora'sMama household. It took over an hour to put her to sleep (normal) and then she woke up WITHIN 15 MINUTES (not normal - usually it's at least 30-45 : ). Could not be nursed back down. Could not be rocked back down. Cried. DH is now driving her around.

I'm so chronically tired that I have that pained feeling in my temples and forehead that I remember from college...when I would party or study all night long and have to get up and be in class or work all day. A just horrible feeling that goes past tiredness. I cannot even nap. I cannot even sleep. It is freaking BAD.

I seem to function semi-OK most days for a few hours after I wake up and then I perk back up in the evenings...but from about noon to 8 PM I just feel ill. And zoned out. Although I still can't nap, even if I get a chance.

This just does not feel like what I'm supposed to be doing, anymore. But I don't know how to change it in a way that will be gentle and respectful of my daughter. She still has needs (and expectations - that I created) even if it's getting to the point where I have *got* to start taking care of mine too.

Will definitely be doing things very different with kid #2 if there is a kid #2.

:

[Nora'sMama]

I wanted to speak to the "mad at Dr. Sears" thing. I really do feel betrayed.* I read so extensively before Nora was born and I have done my darndest to do everything right...I have parented by my instincts except when my needs or wants conflicted with Nora's. I mean, you have to put your child's needs first, right? That's what every parent is supposed to do. And supposedly AP'ing allows everyone to get their needs met.

I have lied to myself and told myself I was getting my needs met. SO NOT TRUE.

So I hear the stories of the myriad MDC mamas who apparently *are* getting their needs met by AP'ing and I think, what is wrong with me that I can't do this? What the hell am I doing wrong?

I definitely have a strong, loving, wonderful connection to my beautiful, amazing daughter. If AP was responsible for that then it's all worth it. But I am ILL. I am not myself. I am unable to function in any sort of meaningful way. Without my super-supportive (and better-rested) DH, my life would totally be in a shambles.

So I just do not know where to go from here. I feel very lost in regards to AP. I just want to cry. I do not know what to do. I am questioning everything.

*Edited to add: this is all very ironic, as well, because we are switching to the Sears pediatric practice next month. So I guess I will get to confront Dr. Sears about this! He better have some good answers for me!

[june'smom]

I am right there with you all. DD who is 3, used to wake up 10-15x per night. When she was about 18 mos, she actually slept though the night a few times per week and pretty darn well the other nights. Then ds was born. They were both up more than 5x per night, each. Then ds started waking up 15x per night.

Now ds is much better, but dd still wakes up a few times and ds wakes up 3-5 times and I am up until 12 or 1 doing my school work. Yikes. It sounds almost as bad as it is. I have given myself permission to develope a serious dependency on caffine because if I don't have it, I will fall asleep folding laundry or reading my text books.

Ok rant over. Life as a mama ain't easy. Everyone told me that dd would for sure sleep well by the time she was 3, well they all lied. Every time I nurse her in the middle of the night I think "boy were they wrong"

[Hokulele]

Yep - here I am at 1:30am and DD is asleep!! -- shocker -- but I am on MDC.

I hate that there are so many of us so desparate for sleep. And I'm very sorry to hear that some of us are frustrated at the AP take on it. I have to say that plenty of things from Dr. Sears and the AP crowd have turned out to be harder in practice than they sound on paper, but I honestly had never attributed that to our cosleeping. But now I wonder if it would all have been easier if I hadn't been so determined to cosleep? But I do LIKE to sleep next to my little sweet pea...

For the person who asked if anyone has tried NOT cosleeping, yes I have. And we have a good compromise. When I had terrible insomnia for the first 9+ months of DD's life I HAD to do something. So eventually I decided to start her in the crib at night and then when she wakes for the first time I carry her to our bed where she stays for the rest of the night. That opened the door for me to get a good solid 2-3 hours of sleep at the begining of each night. But I have to say it is easier to have her in bed for the rest of the night because she wakes so frequently and nurses so long that I just don't have it in me to wake that fully and sit upright that much during the night.

Nora'smom, seriously, I think we are living parallel lives. From the taking an hour or more to get her to sleep, to the waking shortly thereafter, to the driving her around, and the pulled-an-all-nighter-partying-too-hard headache, and the awful awful feeling of NOT being able to MAKE myself sleep when I finally do get a few free moments... it sounds like a narration of my life!

Anyway, I hope no one is up reading this right now and that you are all snug in your beds dreaming peacefully! I'm going to go try that myself right now.

[EStreetMama]

My baby is sleeping ok...but I take care of him during the day and work at night so I can't get to sleep early enough. I rarely get more than 4-6 hours. CRAP!!! I just heard him...gotta go...insert sad smilie