Putdown at playdate

[famousmockngbrd]

My DS really likes dinosaurs, and most of his games these days revolve around being a dinosaur. Today we went to the house of one of his preschool classmates. Later, when we got home, I asked him why he didn't play with his friends much while we were there. He said they wanted to play "bad guy games" and he didn't want to. He said one boy told him "dinosaurs are stupid". I said, "Do you think dinosaurs are stupid?" DS kind of laughed and said, "No." "Neither do I," I said.

He didn't say anything else about it, so I let it drop. But it bothers me that his classmate said that. I don't know if it bothered DS and I don't know how to find out without making it seem like a big deal. And really the main thing I guess is that I hate to think of anyone, even another 4 year old boy, putting down something so important to DS in a mean way like that. It is the kind of thing that makes me want to keep him home and bake him cookies all day (shaped like dinosaurs, of course.)

What do you do when stuff like this happens? How do you deal with it?

[annethcz]

We've been on both sides of this- my kids have been on the recieving end of hurtful comments, but have also doled them out.

In general, we just try to talk about the fact that everyone is different- we all have different interests, likes and dislikes.

I'd be willing to bet that your DS will be just fine. Kids are so resilient. My kids have recieved MUCH meaner comments than what you described, and although it was hurtful at the time, it didn't cause ongoing problems.

Kids say all sorts of weird and wacky things. I think the best you can do is teach your child to be confident in himself, and it will all work out in the end. As much as we'd like to, we can't protect our children from all hurts.

[babyj]

Hugs!

I think you handled it great. Life is about finding your own way. It's too bad they have to learn so young.

My experience has been that when these things happen, it's usually said by a child who has older siblings (or lots of exposure to older kids). Possibly, they're repeating what their older sibling said to them.

What I've found is that because DS (almost 5) is an only child, he's not exposed to older kid things early. Once he was told that Thomas (Thomas trains) was for babies by a child his same age. The other child played with Batman and Bionicles because he had an older brother. DS was thoughtful and maybe a little sad for a day (peer pressure starts early!) but later decided he still liked Thomas.

I've found that it helps to have DS play with someone who really loves the thing that another child found so babyish. Then DS can see that it's only one person's opinion and not necessarily everyone's.

I also look for future opportunities to talk about how people like to play different things and are interested in different things but you can still do what you enjoy.

ps. We haven't played with that other child since last March even though I love the Mom.

babyj

[mamma.mia]

I think you did great. I think reminding your child that not everyone feels the same way as the "mean" kid is the usually best.

[becoming]

You did the right thing. And I think it's great that your DS chose dinosaurs over bad guys!

If it comes up in the future (which it undoubtably will), I'd maybe explain that everyone likes and dislikes different things, and that's what makes the world interesting. Maybe have this conversation over some dinosaur shaped cookies.

[TripMom]

And so it begins. . . . I have had the same kind of experience. DS has curly hair - really cute - and during preschool pick-up - while he was sitting with the other classmates on the bench waiting to be picked up -- I overheard the other boys making fun of his hair . . . .

I think our job as parents is to give them tools to help deal with this stuff that life dishes out to us. I guess the other alternative is to shelter him inside the home and control all exposure to the outside world . . .. doesn't work for our family . . . but it does for some . . .

[TripMom]

Originally Posted by annethcz

We've been on both sides of this- my kids have been on the recieving end of hurtful comments, but have also doled them out.

Ditto. And totally normal too I think? The OP didn't do this AT ALL - but I get really : when I hear moms talk about all the horrible things "OTHER" DC do to thiers . . .? They are all kids, making mistakes, exploring, learning . . . IMHO . . . .most have their turn in both roles . . .

[gret the great]

My kids have been on both ends of it too- I think you handled it well. Last week my DS was boasting about his 3 YO sisters swimming skills to a 5yo non swimmer. It was a good learning moment. I pointed out that the 5YO non swimmer plays the violin! He seemed to really get it when I put it in those terms. My kids are TV free & my DS especially gets put downs from other kids b/c he's not clued into spongebob, etc. We are all different, and we all have to learn to be nice to each other...

[ewe+lamb]

I think you handled it great, it happens all the time, we were in the midst of this sort of thing with my kids cousins - so when dd tried it I just told her that when it happened to her she didn't feel good, trying to remind her of how she felt and how therefore the other kid feels like - it worked - she picked up on it pretty quickly.

Your wee one will do just fine and recover from it fairly quickly, the fact that he continued on and played just how he wanted shows that he is fairly resilient to what goes on around him. You did great.

[eastcoastmomof2]

Originally Posted by famousmockngbrd

My DS really likes dinosaurs, and most of his games these days revolve around being a dinosaur. Today we went to the house of one of his preschool classmates. Later, when we got home, I asked him why he didn't play with his friends much while we were there. He said they wanted to play "bad guy games" and he didn't want to. He said one boy told him "dinosaurs are stupid". I said, "Do you think dinosaurs are stupid?" DS kind of laughed and said, "No." "Neither do I," I said.

He didn't say anything else about it, so I let it drop. But it bothers me that his classmate said that. I don't know if it bothered DS and I don't know how to find out without making it seem like a big deal. And really the main thing I guess is that I hate to think of anyone, even another 4 year old boy, putting down something so important to DS in a mean way like that. It is the kind of thing that makes me want to keep him home and bake him cookies all day (shaped like dinosaurs, of course.)

What do you do when stuff like this happens? How do you deal with it?

I think you handled it just fine. Unfortunately, there are years of that and worse to come. You are right in not making it in to a huge issue. as long as your little one has self confidence and parents who will listen & support him in his feelings., he';; weather these nasty remarks just fine.

[famousmockngbrd]

Thanks for the support, mamas.

[kennedy444]

It sounds like you did well. It's sure isn't easy when kids aren't nice. But it won't be the last time, unfortunately. Life is just a series of learning experiences and oppotunities to teach your child right/wrong, nice/not nice, etc.