WWYD about ice cream man?

[hipumpkins]

Ok you're about to leave for the park when your almost 4 year old mentions that if the ice cream man comes she wants to get the tweety bird.
Oh no! You don;t have ANY cash. So you tell DD that you are very sorry but if the ice cream man comes she still wont be able to get the icecream b/c you don;t have any money.
Ok now you are at the sandbox...ring ring. Here comes the ice cream truck. DD looks at you..remembers the conversation and becomes very upset. Crying. You say, "I'm really sorry I didn;t bring any money"

Father of another kid offers you the money...do you accept?

[1growingsprout]

i probably wouldnt take the $.... while it may seem unloving to dc... you explained there would be no icecream today for a valid reason...
if the crying continued then we would leave....

[2sweetboysmom]

Accept. (People like to help other people, this is a great demonstration of that to your dc) But do this only if the lack of cash was your real reason for telling your child no. Accept graciously and say thank you. But..... if your real reason was that you did not want your child to eat that sort of thing and the lack money was an easy foil, then you should have been honest with your child from the begining. Bring an acceptible snack or go to the park at a time when the ice cream cart won't come thru.

[Blu Razzberri]

Oh my goodness...what a good question!

I was originally going to say yes; and had a whole response typed out to that tune. But then I thought about it, and you know what? No; you shouldn't.

If it were me, I'd say something like this:

"I really appreciate your kind offer sir, but I have to respectfully decline. It was a very nice gesture, but I feel that by allowing it, I'd be encouraging her to cry when she doesn't get what she wants. But again, thankyou very much."

And when the stranger leaves; I'd take the child home straight away; and talk about how you're upset that she threw a tantrum and all the other stuff about how you don't always get what you want.

Also, next time, I wouldn't tell her that she can't have it because you don't have money; you simply tell her "not today, maybe another day". By telling her that it's because you don't have money, you're implying that she can get whatever she wants as long as you have money...thus creating further problems.


What did you do anyways?

[Blu Razzberri]

Originally Posted by 2sweetboysmom

..... if your real reason was that you did not want your child to eat that sort of thing and the lack money was an easy foil, then you should have been honest with your child from the begining...

I absolutely agree with this part. You should never try to cover up your reasons for saying no with an "excuse"! (not implying that was the case, just mean in general because so many people do this!) You're the parent, put your foot down!!

[jessemoon]

I have a neighbor who calls it the "Liver and Onions Truck"...you could try that

[rubelin]

If the only reason you were not going to buy it is because you forgot to bring money, then, yes, I would accept the offer.

BUT, if you had other reasons for not buying it, then I would decline and let her know the real reason. In the future, I wouldn't use the no money excuse if that wasn't the truth.

[pigpokey]

I'd accept the offer graciously; random acts of kindness and generosity from strangers are good for the soul to experience.

[mattemma04]

I would not take the money. We never buy from the ice cream man.The kids know the prices are inflated,and we can buy a lot more ice cream if we go to the store.

[ewe+lamb]

I wouldn't accept, at that age they can understand that sometimes they get ice cream and sometimes they don't. Decline gracefully but just say not for today.

It's like the carosel - dd caused an awful stink and made herself sick one time with dh because he wouldn't let her get on it for a fourth time, now she rarely asks to go on these things - thank heavens - it's my idea of hell, but she remembers what happened that time and I think doesn't want to repeat it!

On another note - a friend of my BIL's told his kids that when the ice cream man plays the music or rings the bell it's to tell everyone that he's run out of ice cream - not the most honest of solutions but it worked for a while.

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri

Oh my goodness...what a good question!

I was originally going to say yes; and had a whole response typed out to that tune. But then I thought about it, and you know what? No; you shouldn't.

If it were me, I'd say something like this:

"I really appreciate your kind offer sir, but I have to respectfully decline. It was a very nice gesture, but I feel that by allowing it, I'd be encouraging her to cry when she doesn't get what she wants. But again, thankyou very much."

And when the stranger leaves; I'd take the child home straight away; and talk about how you're upset that she threw a tantrum and all the other stuff about how you don't always get what you want.

Also, next time, I wouldn't tell her that she can't have it because you don't have money; you simply tell her "not today, maybe another day". By telling her that it's because you don't have money, you're implying that she can get whatever she wants as long as you have money...thus creating further problems.


What did you do anyways?

I agree with this. I would graciously decline the offer.

[hipumpkins]

the "no money" was not an excuse. It was the truth. DD usually gets ice cream from the ice cream man when he comes around. Now this is the part that I kinda left out b/c I didn't want it loook like I was fishing for a certain answer.
Whenever the ice cream man comes DD gets a soccer ball ice pop. the last time she got it she saw a picture of teh tweeety ice cream. Since hearing about Sylvester, the cat she loves to pretend she he is him (She doesn't watch TV but we do tell her who characters are when we see them) So she had been pretending for a while to be sylvester and getting the Tweety ice cream would be a fun part of that game. You know getting to eat the bird.

Anyway I geunuinely felt sad for her b/c it wasn't about ice cream...it was about the tweety. She has in the past understood when told she couldn't get it...or let's just have a popsicle at home. She has never "tantrummed" over it. I didn't consider this a tantrum although every spectator I'm sure did. This was a huge disappointment. Soooooo...

Yes I took the money and as it tunred out he was customer where my DH works so we even paid him back the next time he came in although he never said we had to. Actually he gave me a 5 dollar bill and when I handed him the change he said, "Don't worry about it" I said...Thanks but we don;t need the wholel 5...so yes he took his change. I think he didn't know where to end the generosity.


when I took the money, I turned to DD and said, "this very nice man is lending the money for the ice cream" She said, "oh thank you!!!"

[4evermom]

I would have accepted, too. And I've occasionally given others small sums for busfare and the like.

I once had a dad refuse my offer of a banana that his toddler was coveting and which my ds was not going to eat. His rational was that he didn't want to teach her to take food from strangers. I thought that was rather paranoid. Besides, young children don't understand the difference between an approved playdate with snack sharing and a "pick-up" playdate at a playground (or why it's ok to receive a cookie from a stranger who is working at a grocery store).

[onlyzombiecat]

I think you handled it okay. I probably would have accepted too in your scenario.

I'm not a fan of saying "no" without any explanation myself. I don't apologize for saying no to dd, but we have always explained honestly why we are saying no. She understands that we don't have a bunch of extra money to spend on treats and it hasn't created problems by telling her that is the reason.

[Twocoolboys]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

the "no money" was not an excuse. It was the truth. DD usually gets ice cream from the ice cream man when he comes around. Now this is the part that I kinda left out b/c I didn't want it loook like I was fishing for a certain answer.
Whenever the ice cream man comes DD gets a soccer ball ice pop. the last time she got it she saw a picture of teh tweeety ice cream. Since hearing about Sylvester, the cat she loves to pretend she he is him (She doesn't watch TV but we do tell her who characters are when we see them) So she had been pretending for a while to be sylvester and getting the Tweety ice cream would be a fun part of that game. You know getting to eat the bird.

Anyway I geunuinely felt sad for her b/c it wasn't about ice cream...it was about the tweety. She has in the past understood when told she couldn't get it...or let's just have a popsicle at home. She has never "tantrummed" over it. I didn't consider this a tantrum although every spectator I'm sure did. This was a huge disappointment. Soooooo...

Yes I took the money and as it tunred out he was customer where my DH works so we even paid him back the next time he came in although he never said we had to. Actually he gave me a 5 dollar bill and when I handed him the change he said, "Don't worry about it" I said...Thanks but we don;t need the wholel 5...so yes he took his change. I think he didn't know where to end the generosity.


when I took the money, I turned to DD and said, "this very nice man is lending the money for the ice cream" She said, "oh thank you!!!"

I think you handled it great! I would have accepted too. What a great lesson in kindness! I probably would have thrown in a short conversation that she could only accept this from a stranger because mommy was with her.

[rubelin]

For things like that I always weigh what my child is thinking of and tailor the repsonse to that. Sometimes a compromise or a change of mind is a good thing. and she got to learn about generosity from the man offering you the money. I think you handled it perfectly, and cool that the man was someone who "knew" your family

[meemee]

teh icecream man is a v. special man for us. so yes in ur shoes i would have accepted too.

and i probably would have done what the man offered too. quietly not in front of the child.

one of my friend's adult child recently told her his absolute warm and fuzzy memory from childhood was when for rare treats when they would go to a doughnut shop when he was 4. i look upon the icecream man as being our 'doughnut shop'.

[Pandora114]

oooh I heart the Dickie Dee bike ice cream concoctions

Yes I know they are overly inflated junkfoods, but *swooon* My fave were the purple Pacman ghosts with the gumball eyes....

I hope this summer there's a highschool kid running a Dickiedee cart around here and I can buy my DD some and share a special memory with her

[lisac77]

I probably would have accepted. I have offered money to people out of kindness on various occasions, and to me that's just the wheel coming back around to me...

[menudo]

Accepting or not accepting would be acceptable! lol

Oddly, I have had more than one occasion (especially in the do.lar store)where someone in the back of the linehears my child begging for something, me saying NO, and the person insists on buying the item. It has always been out of a heartfelt gesture. Frustrating at times,but what can ya do. Kid screaming, person thinking they are being nice... I chalk it up to life...