WWYD about ice cream man? - Page 2

[Hera]

Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri

And when the stranger leaves; I'd take the child home straight away; and talk about how you're upset that she threw a tantrum and all the other stuff about how you don't always get what you want.

I feel very sad when I read this, because in my opinion children should be allowed, no, encouraged to feel and express their feelings. Sure, tweety bird ice cream is no big deal to a grownup, but to a hot, thirsty, hungry kid it is the nectar of the gods, yk? She thought it would be really good and cried when she was sad. Those were her very valid feelings.

If I were the Dad, and I wanted to make a child's day by offering money for ice cream, I'd feel put-out, to say the least, by being told "no, thank you" in a way that implies that my only motivation for offering to buy ice cream is to get a kid to stop crying.

ETA: I wrote this post before I read the OP's response.

[Sharon, RN]

I have to admit, whenever my son asks for a quarter for a gumball machine I cringe. (I just think they are gross.) I was in a hurry, and at a register, and he asked for a quarter for the machine. I said I'm sorry, I don't have any change (although I probably did, but I was in a hurry and didn't check.)

He did the typical, "aw, mom" but nothing else. The guy in line behind him offered a quarter (am I spelling that wrong? it looks weird!) and my son accepted and said thank you. Inside, I was "oh, gross, gumball!" but on the outside I thanked the guy.

I hoped he learned something about offering to help from this lesson.

[LizaBear]

Originally Posted by 4evermom

I once had a dad refuse my offer of a banana that his toddler was coveting and which my ds was not going to eat. His rational was that he didn't want to teach her to take food from strangers. I thought that was rather paranoid. Besides, young children don't understand the difference between an approved playdate with snack sharing and a "pick-up" playdate at a playground (or why it's ok to receive a cookie from a stranger who is working at a grocery store).

This is slightly OT from the original post, but I'd have refused the same as that father did.

Because, there is (for us) no "approved" snack-sharing at a play-date. It is not okay for my children to accept a cookie from a stranger at the grocery store either. Or anywhere else. Heck - they aren't allowed to accept food from thier grandparents unless DH or I approve it first.

Such is the life of a parent whose child has life-threatening food allergies. We don't always explain to the offering person WHY we refuse - because honestly, it's none of thier business. We say "No thank you" and walk away, as we explain to our children that we don't accept food from other people because we can't know if it's safe for them or not.

[Jmo780]

Nope-I would just say no thanks.

Just wanted to say my kids saw the ice cream truck for the very first time this summer, got all kinds of excited, begged me for money and I paid $9.50 for 3 ice creams. I was depressed for days-That is ridiculous:

I told them they got to experience getting ice cream from the truck, next time we'd go to the grocery and buy 10 bozes for that price!

[hipumpkins]

Holy cow all the ice creams from our truck are 1.50 -2.00 $

[thismama]

OMGosh, I would totally accept!! Why not? To 'teach a lesson' about crying? That makes no sense to me.

Kid wanted ice cream, you said no, explained why, you had no money.

Ice cream truck shows up, kid gets excited, remembers it's not gonna happen, is crying with disappointment.

Someone offers money! Which would fix the problem, right? Well, heck, if it were me wanting ice cream and feeling sad that I had no money, I'd take the darn money. I wouldn't think anything about how I shouldn't have been crying with disappointment. That makes no sense!

I'd buy the little one an ice cream. Then she is happy, and she also sees that you care about her feelings and if a solution comes, you will take it.

[thismama]

Originally Posted by Jmo780

Nope-I would just say no thanks.

Just wanted to say my kids saw the ice cream truck for the very first time this summer, got all kinds of excited, begged me for money and I paid $9.50 for 3 ice creams. I was depressed for days-That is ridiculous:

I told them they got to experience getting ice cream from the truck, next time we'd go to the grocery and buy 10 bozes for that price!

Well, I think that is valid, but then you wouldn't tell your children, "I have no money." You'd say, "It's too expensive and we will get some from the grocery store."

If the reason it's no is that you don't have money, and then money appears, situation resolved!

[marybethorama]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

the "no money" was not an excuse. It was the truth. DD usually gets ice cream from the ice cream man when he comes around. Now this is the part that I kinda left out b/c I didn't want it loook like I was fishing for a certain answer.

snip

when I took the money, I turned to DD and said, "this very nice man is lending the money for the ice cream" She said, "oh thank you!!!"

I think that you and your dd were very gracious

[ani'smommy]

You did exactly what I would have done, OP. I think it was a very nice gesture to give you the money for the ice cream, and a great lesson in generosity.

[Elyra]

I think it is sweet that someone offered the money, and it may have made that dad's day to be able to do something seeming small to help another person. If it were me I would have accepted as well, and I would have taken the opertunity on the way home to talk about how nice that was of him to help and that it was our to help someone when we can.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by LizaBear

This is slightly OT from the original post, but I'd have refused the same as that father did.

Because, there is (for us) no "approved" snack-sharing at a play-date. It is not okay for my children to accept a cookie from a stranger at the grocery store either. Or anywhere else. Heck - they aren't allowed to accept food from thier grandparents unless DH or I approve it first.

Such is the life of a parent whose child has life-threatening food allergies. We don't always explain to the offering person WHY we refuse - because honestly, it's none of thier business. We say "No thank you" and walk away, as we explain to our children that we don't accept food from other people because we can't know if it's safe for them or not.

Very understandable and very consistant, therefore not very confusing to your kids .

[1xmom]

Originally Posted by Elyra

I think it is sweet that someone offered the money, and it may have made that dad's day to be able to do something seeming small to help another person. If it were me I would have accepted as well, and I would have taken the opertunity on the way home to talk about how nice that was of him to help and that it was our to help someone when we can.

:

The ice cream truck comes thru my neighborhood quite frequently. Sometimes my dd gets some, sometimes she doesn't. Usually a cone costs $1-$1.75 depending on what you want.

[Blu Razzberri]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

...Now this is the part that I kinda left out...So she had been pretending for a while to be sylvester and getting the Tweety ice cream would be a fun part of that game. You know getting to eat the bird.
....when I took the money, I turned to DD and said, "this very nice man is lending the money for the ice cream" She said, "oh thank you!!!" ...

Ok; NOW you tell us the whole story In this case, yes. Absolutely! With a full understanding of why; now it changes my answer and of course I would too. I'm also glad to hear that she has manners...so many kids these days aren't reminded to use their manners! It's sad.

Originally Posted by 4evermom

...I once had a dad refuse my offer of a banana that his toddler was coveting and which my ds was not going to eat. His rational was that he didn't want to teach her to take food from strangers. I thought that was rather paranoid. Besides, young children don't understand the difference between an approved playdate with snack sharing and a "pick-up" playdate at a playground (or why it's ok to receive a cookie from a stranger who is working at a grocery store).

I disagree with you 100% 4evermom! I think his reaction was totally on target. I was always taught to ask before accepting something from someone I didn't know. I also think you're wrong to assume a child doesn't know the difference (afterall, with an approved playdate there's a leadup - "we're going to meet so-and-so at the park!"). If my child can learn that it's ok to go into the bathroom when mommy's there but it's not ok when she's not; at the tender age of 1.5; then an older child can certainly learn the difference between playdate food and stranger food. Finally, out of curiosity; are we talking about the bakery counter giving out cookies? Because that's a whole other thing too... one; it's the store, and the cookies at the bakery are no safer/less safe than ANYTHING in that store....absolutely anything you buy at the grocery store could be poisoned by a psycho! Oh, and it's the same baker that's baking the buns that you just bought...what's the difference? And two; it's usually strict store policy that the parent be present with the child before they'll hand out anything (for liability); so I don't even think that's relevant!

Originally Posted by Hera

I feel very sad when I read this [about my original post saying that you shouldn't give a child icecream over a tantrum] because in my opinion children should be allowed, no, encouraged to feel and express their feelings. Sure, tweety bird ice cream is no big deal to a grownup, but to a hot, thirsty, hungry kid it is the nectar of the gods, yk? She thought it would be really good and cried when she was sad. Those were her very valid feelings.

I posted my first response without the tweety bird information, so in all fairness, you shouldn't change your mind just because a child cries over your decision...that teaches manipulation. However, again, knowing the full story; I would also have accepted the stranger's offer. But when you said that as the stranger, you'd be offended (slightly..?) at the decline of your offer... as a parent, it wouldn't be my job to worry about your feelings; it's my job to raise my child properly. So truthfully, I wouldn't worry about what the stranger thinks of my choice (in general, I don't concern myself with what other's think). But on the other hand, as the stranger; I may be a little hurt too..but not over the choice, just over the child crying breaking my heart.



I don't mean to sound contrary with everyone, I think that's how it's coming out! :

[Hera]

I kinda wish this thread would migrate over to gentle discipline...I could say some things about the all-too-commonly held believe that kids are mini-Machiavellis out to manipulate their parents by tugging on their emotional strings, but I won't.

It was the taking the child straight home while lecturing about why crying doesn't get you what you want, as though the child isn't allowed to have feelings. That's what would make me feel sad.

As far as the dad goes, I'm also not saying that I'd be offended to be told "That's very kind of you, but no thank you." It was the need to say that you didn't want to encourage her to cry to get what she wants that would feel really patronizing to me.

Anyway, I just don't believe that I need to teach my kids to stopper up their feelings, just because their priorities are different from mine. I have made it clear to my children that I am here to talk to them about what they need, to listen to them when they are upset, and to help them to be happy whenever possible. I hope that by treating them respectfully, they will not ever feel like the only way to come out of a situation feeling like they have gotten what they need is to manipulate me into doing what they want.

Let's say for whatever reason, the right thing to do is to decline the money. You don't have money for ice cream right now, and for whatever reason you don't want your child to have it either.

"I really appreciate your offer sir, but no thank you."
to dd
"I hear that you are really sad that we aren't having ice cream today. Do you need a hug?.....<when she's calmed down a little>...are you thirsty or hungry? Do you want to go home for a snack right now, or play a little longer?"

This response meets your need to not giving in to a strong emotional reaction, while also honoring your child and her feelings.

[hipumpkins]

BluRazzberri ...I know it wasn't quite fair of me to post only half the story but it felt like I would be begging for people to jsut agree with me. I knda was looking for the debate. It was kinda like I wanted to see the other people at the playground's rsonse b/c they certainly didn't know the whole story either. thasnks for coming back...

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri

I disagree with you 100% 4evermom! I think his reaction was totally on target. I was always taught to ask before accepting something from someone I didn't know. I also think you're wrong to assume a child doesn't know the difference (afterall, with an approved playdate there's a leadup - "we're going to meet so-and-so at the park!"). If my child can learn that it's ok to go into the bathroom when mommy's there but it's not ok when she's not; at the tender age of 1.5; then an older child can certainly learn the difference between playdate food and stranger food. Finally, out of curiosity; are we talking about the bakery counter giving out cookies? Because that's a whole other thing too... one; it's the store, and the cookies at the bakery are no safer/less safe than ANYTHING in that store....absolutely anything you buy at the grocery store could be poisoned by a psycho! Oh, and it's the same baker that's baking the buns that you just bought...what's the difference? And two; it's usually strict store policy that the parent be present with the child before they'll hand out anything (for liability); so I don't even think that's relevant!

Of course, I didn't offer the child the food, I told the dad that she would be welcome to it. The toddler was hardly walking, certainly under 18 months, at a playground where sharing happens a lot. I don't believe in teaching children to be afraid of strangers and I always taught ds to check with the parent. And that is exactly my point - what is the difference between getting a cookie at the bakery counter or buying a box of cookies? The only rule is that the parent says it is OK, so the dad saying don't take food from other people doesn't make sense because he does it all the time. Rejecting the banana was his perogative, I just thought the rational was poorly thought through. Of course, I could look like a psycho with my highly suspicious unpeeled banana with the organic sticker on it and a 4 yo that obviously belongs to me .

[hipumpkins]

[karin95]

I would have taken the money in that situation.

Personally, I'm not a fan of the ice cream truck. It rides up our dead-end street every freakin' day from spring through fall and sits (usually right outside my house) with the music on for 15 minutes. And we also hear it on the parallel streets, as well.

We call it "the music truck" and have never taken our FD there. Of course, she's only 17 months old, so she doesn't really understand it anyway.

We're kinda health nuts, so our kids will not be getting anything from "the music truck" until they're old enough to understand the nutritional facts and make their own decision - probably with their own money, too.

In your case, I probably would get my child a tweety toy that she could pretend to eat over and over again. But given your situation, I think you did the right thing and your daughter was very polite about it, too. What a lucky Sylvester!

[Blu Razzberri]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

BluRazzberri ...I know it wasn't quite fair of me to post only half the story but it felt like I would be begging for people to jsut agree with me.... thasnks for coming back...

I was interested in this topic (and PS: I hate the icecream truck too...we had two in my old neighborhood that the one always followed about half an hour behind the other..oh yeah, and the second truck was always the bigger ripoff ) Anyways, you've put forth quite the debate! lol.

Originally Posted by 4evermom

...Of course, I could look like a psycho with my highly suspicious unpeeled banana with the organic sticker on it and a 4 yo that obviously belongs to me .

You evil-organic-banana-toting-mother; you!
I'm starting to think that the father's food refusal was the kind of situation where you'd have to be there to understand. I dunno.