advice re: preschool for older child while pg or after baby?

[willoLevin]

I know there is a schooling topic as well, but I think my question is due more to my pg than anything school related.

DS will turn 3 in November. I don't think he NEEDS to be in school yet, but I think he will probably enjoy it.

I have to make a choice soon as to whether to enroll him in preschool starting in January (2 days per week) or wait until next fall to start him (2, 3, 4 or 5 days per week, whatever I want.)

Here are my conflicting thoughts:
* If I start him in January, it will give me a break when I'm getting more seriously pregnant.
* If I start him in January, school will be something he did BEFORE the baby, not a banishment BECAUSE OF the baby.
* If I start him in January, he will likely bring home more colds this winter WHILE I AM PREGNANT.
* If I start him in September, I will get a break when baby is 3 months old (and probably Mom will stay with us during the summer to help, so that's when I'll need it.) Of course, if he goes in January, he can still go in September! Duh.
* If I start him in September, he MIGHT feel like he's being kicked out of the house because Baby is there (3 months old); then again, he might feel like lucky Big Boys get to go to SCHOOL and little babies don't.
* If I start him in September, I'll save about $1000 by not paying for any school January-June!
* If I start him in September, he will bring home more colds next winter when I have a young baby in the house, probably starting around October when Baby is 4 months old.

If I sound like germ-phobe, please know that DS had only 2 sniffles of no consequence until we did a parent-child Waldorf School class last year (started right before he turned 2.) We had 10 (ish) colds that year and his first scary fevers and whatnot. DH hates that about DS being in school as DH always catches everything. (I usually don't!)

Do they get fewer illnesses the second year in school? The third year? Or will we be a petrie dish of every cold and flu no matter what until grade school or older?

I plan to nurse Baby as I did DH, but, still, I was so happy we didn't have those scary instances that so many friends seemed to with their babies.

--willo

[marincarrie]

Hi--my son turned 3 in August, and I put him in preschool this year, 2 days a week for 4 hours. I decided to do it now because I wanted school to be a constant for him, even after the baby comes.

I was afraid that a new baby and preschool all at once would be too much for him. He's doesn't do well with change, so for him, I think getting him into the routine prior will be really good for him. That way, after the baby comes, things might be crazy at home, but he will still have his school that will be the same.

I know people who started their kids after the baby was born, and it seemed to work out fine. I guess it just depends on what on your list is most important--if you really feel that he will feel banished, then start now. On the other hand, if you really want to save money, start later!!

Not much help, I guess. Just thought I'd let you know my thought process since I dealt with the same dilemma!

Good luck,
Carrie

[jstar]

i would suggest starting him BEFORE baby arrives so that he does not go through the big transition of getting a sibling followed shortly by the transition of starting school. get the school transition out of the way when it is still ALL about him. that way it will be much smoother sailing when you have a baby in tow if your ds is already used to going to school. even when they love school it is still a transition process getting into the 'routine'

the germ thing will happen no matter when you enroll him. he will bring home sniffles to the whole family. so it is a concern. but i think the 'transition' is a bigger deal and i would decide based on that (personally).

my ds is in daycare full time right now. (we call it school because he is in a preschool class). i plan to quit my job after baby #2 arrives but i want to keep ds at his school for 2 days a week. he really loves it and i think i will *really* want those 2 days alone with the newborn to sleep as much as possible. i know many mamas whose 2nd babes had colds 2 weeks out the gate because of older sibling exposure. i think it is just a risk of having an older sibling that plays with lots of other kiddos. if your son didn't really catch a lot of colds his first 2 years maybe he just has a really strong immune system? i'm assuming he probably had contact with lots of other kids during that time? maybe you'll luck out. my experience in the daycare germs btw is lots and lots of sniffles. not a lot of fevers or major illnesses. and while snot IS gross the kids really don't care (or even notice). we've never even gotten a case of the runs (*knock on wood*). one case of pink eye. one case of roseola. i did the flu vax when my ds was 6 months because he was in daycare. didn't do it last year and won't do it again. my ped just urged it because he was so young the first year.

good luck deciding. it sounds like you're looking at all angles

[Ks Mama]

My DD won't be 3 until 3 months after the baby arrives... however, I've thought of the same things as you, and have considered starting her at the Montessori school here a few months before the baby comes (they have a 1.5 - 3yo program!!), for the same reasons you are thinking. She's just starting to enjoy the company of other children, becoming more of a social-player, and personally I've found my own patience dwindling with pregnancy and sleeplessness... and I don't like to think that I'll have even less once the new baby arrives.

Also, I work from home, so having a bit of time "off" from two children will be helpful - particularly pre-baby, so that I could have a few months of time in the office with DH, while DD was at school, instead of telecommunting all the time, and trying to rush in all my work at nap time.

I think we'll play it by ear, as the time gets closer. Fortunately, we'll miss the winter cold season!

Personally, I'd start your babe before, rather than after.

[MommyTeesa]

lurking a bit ... DD has been in some program (like 5 hrs at a mom's day out) with other kids most of her life and last winter she only got the sniffles that hung around for weeks in Janurary - so last winter was much better than the one before, when she got a bit of pneumonia.

[mataji4]

no matter when he goes in relation to the baby, going to school is a transition- some kids make it gracefully and others don't. i don't know your child, but sometimes parents aren't the best judge of when their kid is "ready". i would take him to visit with the preschool teacher and ask her what she thinks, and ask him "would you like to go there and play with kids there?" and see what they say. then just do what feels right; don't base your decision on the baby coming as his response could surprise you!

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by jstar

i would suggest starting him BEFORE baby arrives so that he does not go through the big transition of getting a sibling followed shortly by the transition of starting school. get the school transition out of the way when it is still ALL about him. that way it will be much smoother sailing when you have a baby in tow if your ds is already used to going to school. even when they love school it is still a transition process getting into the 'routine'

Yes, yes, yes!

I really wish you and your ds a happy transition when the baby comes. Hasn't worked out for anyone I know, but miracles happen, and you may be lucky. In my case, my 3yo did not take the arrival of the baby well. There were tantrums, hitting, throwing, kicking me while I was trying to nurse.

What should have been a happy and peaceful time of me getting to know my new baby (and remembering everything about a new baby) turned into full-on damage control. There was barely any of that sweet one-on-one time with mama and baby that I had the first time around. Most of the time, the baby was like an appendage that I just tried to hang onto while dealing with my 3yo.

If he had been in preschool, even for a few mornings a week, things would have been WAY easier. But for the preschool we wanted, they had to be 3 by September, and had no mid-year enrollment.

Things calmed way down in September, when he did start school. Finally, there was a place that was all about him, that the little interloper (uh, brother) had no part in.

If finances are not a huge consideration, I'd start him while you're pregnant. One transition at a time. When that baby is born, he'll need a break from being "big brother" and you'll need to be able to relax with the babe without worrying how ds is doing in a strange, new environment.

[jstar]

Originally Posted by zinemama

What should have been a happy and peaceful time of me getting to know my new baby (and remembering everything about a new baby) turned into full-on damage control. There was barely any of that sweet one-on-one time with mama and baby that I had the first time around. Most of the time, the baby was like an appendage that I just tried to hang onto while dealing with my 3yo.

.

oh i am so scared of this being my life next summer!!!!! my little guy is NOT laid back and i'm sure the reaction will be pretty bumpy

[wombatclay]

I'm hoping to find a program for dd that will be for a few hours a day, 2-3 days a week so that I'll have some one on one with the babe and DD will have a chance to interact with other kids and have her own adventures.

Of course, she'll only be two when the new one arrives, but there are a few Montessori programs that start at 24 months here. Also, since I WOH, my mom watches dd during the days already. I'm thinking that during the transition period when I'm on maternity leave I'll ask my mom to take dd for a few hours a day.

I guess I'd say that IF you can afford it and IF your little one seems to enjoy it, I'd start the preschool sooner so that he can adjust and have full support/attention during that transition.