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Poll: Which SIL's side are you on?

Poll Results: Which SIL's side are you on?

 
  • 66% (158)
    Mainstream/Hawaii SIL
  • 33% (79)
    Crunchy SIL
237 Total Votes  
post #1 of 97
Thread Starter 
I'm just dying to see it in black and white -- it seems so very divided on the looooong SIL thread! I know most of you would qualify your choice with "I think they're both in the wrong, but...", so just assume that part is understood. But if you *had* to place yourself on one side or the other, which would it be? Mainstream/Hawaii SIL or Crunchy SIL?

post #2 of 97
Ha ha ha!

This is so silly!

I'm on the OP's side.
post #3 of 97
No one has the right to tell any parent that they *must* leave their kids at home and go to an "adult only" party. That line alone would steam me. Also, the "sit at meals until we're done" bit is downright unrealistic for little children.

I'd be upset too over these stupid "rules."
post #4 of 97
they are both behaving badly, but, in this instance, msil is behaving worse.
post #5 of 97
I side with the crunchy chick. MSIL sounds like a control freak. I understand it's her house, her rules. So CSIL should either suck it up and go by her rules or not go, IMO. But I still think MSIL's rules suck.
post #6 of 97
I'm on the crunchy SIL side. No one, ever, has the right to tell me when my child will go to bed, and what my child should eat. Ever. I personally would never invite someone over to house without the intention of making reasonable allowances for their chosen way of living, and I would never ask someone to compromise their principles concerning the child-rearing of their children.
post #7 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamawanabe View Post
they are both behaving badly, but, in this instance, msil is behaving worse.
That about says it for me. I don't think I'd go, if I were CSIL...but I'm aware that if I were actually in the situation, and dh wanted to see his brothers and wanted me to be there, I may change my mind. It wouldn't be a vacation, though...I'd spend 10 days feeling trapped.
post #8 of 97
They're both behaving badly, but CSIL sounds like a nightmare.

What a great poll
post #9 of 97
limabean: I kind of wish you'd included two other options, for whose side, and whether or not we think it sounds like a great holiday. I've seen several comments about MSIL going to all this effort to provide a great holiday, and maybe that's one of the factors affecting my take on it. I hate feeling like I'm a hostage to what my host thinks is a good time, be it adult only parties or whale watching or taking conversational topics out of a hat (bowl? whatever it was). I wouldn't really be into any of that, except maybe the whale watching. So, for me, the whole thing would be like "okay, dh - I'll go have a crappy time for 10 days, and I'll be grateful to your brother and MSIL for providing the crappy time, and I'll follow all her rules, too". I might do it, for dh, and I'd try to suck it up and smile...but it just sounds grim. And, being in a position where I'm supposed to be grateful (because they provided this "great" holiday)...ouch...
post #10 of 97
I do find this so entertaining! I am surprised though, how so many people are directly opposite in their opinion here. I think the vacation sounds wonderful and exciting and relaxing and would love to go. I don't mind the rules at all, and would look forward to a couple of evenings alone with adults sitting out by the pool, etc. The family times sound like a lot of fun too, and I think msil sounds like a very creative, thoughtful person. And the fact that for 10 whole days, I don't have to cook or plan a meal, and can be served a wonderful, delicious meal with lots of choices - well, sign me up!!!

I do have a question. A lot of people have mentioned that no one tells their kids what to do - when to go to bed, what to eat, how long to sit, etc. But what happens when most of the people you are with find this very offensive and it is infringing on their good time. What if the kids are a lot more disruptive than you think (I think most parents find their own children more entertaining and less trouble than others think of them)? What would you expect the other family members to do - say nothing and just grit their teeth and just suck it up for 10 days Or is it ever okay to set some basic rules for everyone's sanity (based on the behavior of just one family)?
post #11 of 97
MSIL all the way!!!

I doubt writing a list of rules is the usual way msil treats her guests, and I doubt msil actually likes to give out rules like that, but CSIL acted rudely and disrespectful to her during her last stay and now pushed msil to go to such drastic matters as to spell out the rules before the vacation.

and for the hundredth time msil never "told anyone's kid" when to go to bed, It simply be in your room at a decent hour. I would say something if my guest's kid was running around in my kitchen at 3am in the morning. How is that acceptable.
post #12 of 97
Neither - I think the "divide" between these two women has been magnified extraordinarily by people here weaving together reactions to their own experiences with people with different parenting philosophies and the information provided by Maya44. No one is exploring any of the ways in which these women are similar (in a positive way), to maybe help think of ways to reduce the conflidt and help them find some consensus. Instead, most everyone posting on the thread is basically pulling for whichever SIL seems closest to her own parenting style.

It's no longer a thread about the two SILs, really, it's now just the battle between various flavors of "crunchy" parenting versus what is perceived as "mainstream" parenting. The small plot elements: trip to hawaii, frisson of class conflict -- those are at this point utterly secondary to the continuation of the thread.
post #13 of 97
I disagree - I am more crunchy than mainstream, and I totally side with msil. I think it has a lot to do with money (people resent msil for having it) and rules (which bother a lot of people, especially with children). I don't think that the csil is really crunchy, just rude and stubborn.
post #14 of 97
I hope reading that monster thread isn't a requirement, here. :

I read the OP and, based on that, I side with the mainstream sister. Her house, her rules. I don't find them that unreasonable and it seems like a small price to pay for a HI vacation. CSIL doesn't have to go if she finds it that unfair.
post #15 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by primjillie View Post
I disagree - I am more crunchy than mainstream, and I totally side with msil. I think it has a lot to do with money (people resent msil for having it) and rules (which bother a lot of people, especially with children). I don't think that the csil is really crunchy, just rude and stubborn.
That's funny. I think I'm more mainstream than crunchy, and I side with CSIL (to the extent that I side with either of them...which isn't much, actually). I don't care if MSIL is rich. I don't even care that much about rules, as such. I just don't like someone sending out an email that, imo, says "I don't like the way you parent, and I can't stop you at home, but you will parent the way I want you to while you're in my house".
post #16 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWine View Post
No one has the right to tell any parent that they *must* leave their kids at home and go to an "adult only" party.
Actually, she's only banning kids from a room or two for a couple of hours. Csil is in the same home as her kids all the time, just different rooms.
post #17 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
Actually, she's only banning kids from a room or two for a couple of hours. Csil is in the same home as her kids all the time, just different rooms.
Nope - MSIL's email also mentioned an adults-only event "at the Hyatt".
post #18 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by WNB View Post
Neither - I think the "divide" between these two women has been magnified extraordinarily by people here weaving together reactions to their own experiences with people with different parenting philosophies and the information provided by Maya44.
This about sums it up for me. I think both SILs have room for improvement, yet I find that the litany of "rules" aimed at CSIL under the guise of "wanting everyone to have a good time" the greater offense at the moment. We do not have the benefit of hearing CSIL's voice in this, so it's easy to say, MSIL all the way, and assume the worst about CSIL. Or alternately, give CSIL the benefit of the doubt in some areas. At this point, a lot of people are making stuff up just because it supports the image they have in their mind of these women.
post #19 of 97
This poll is hilarious.

I'm on Maya's side. I would vote for "CSIL and MSIL deserve each other" if that were an option
post #20 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post
I'm on Maya's side. I would vote for "CSIL and MSIL deserve each other" if that were an option
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