She's been saying a lot of things lately that I don't know how to handle. It started a while ago with her announcement that she doesn't like black skin. 
I calmly ask her to explain and she basically was coming from a purely aesthetic point of view. She said she just thinks her "bright skin" looks better than black skin. To her it was no different that saying she likes pink shirts better than green shirts. I calmly had a discussion about how there are many colors of skin and they can all be beautiful. I got kind of a "whatever, Mom" reaction from her. We had a talk about how skin color is a very sensitive subject in the world that has caused lots of hate and sadness when people judge each other by their skin color. Then she got upset and felt all guilty that she was a terrible person. This wasn't my intent, I just wanted to explain why expressing negative opinions about skin color isn't socially acceptable before she said something at school like that.
Fast forward a few months to now. She's back on the "black skin" thing and how she doesn't like to look at the people in her class with that color skin. We talked again about how skin color doesn't have anything to do with the person inside. She says she knows and she likes one boy, but doesn't like to watch him eat because of his skin. ?????? During that same time, some kid told her the middle finger was really bad and she's not supposed to show it to anyone. She asked me about it and I said yes, that it is kind of sign language for a very bad word that basically means "I hate you." and that people could get very upset if she did it to them. Well, these 2 things sent her into some kind of OCD spin and she became obsessed with wanting to show her middle finger to others, herself and up at the sky to God. (We're not a religious family so I'm not sure where that came from.) Also, she said she couldn't stop thinking about how she didn't like black skin. The finger thing let up after a few days and now she's obsessed with the word "stupid". She is constantly "confessing" to me all of the "bad" thoughts she has about how this person or that person is stupid and she doesn't like them. It can be anyone from kids she doesn't even know on the playground to family members that I know she really loves (like me
).
I told her that if it makes her feel better to tell me everytime she has a bad thought, she can but that she doesn't have to. However, now I'm starting to get tired of hearing it all day and I REALLY don't want my 4yo to start saying everything is "stupid". I'm having a hard time staying calm about it and have even snapped "Yes, I know you think I'm stupid but I don't want to hear it right now because it is starting to hurt my feelings!" Yesterday my father sent her a dollar and some little thing that says "You are loved." in the mail. She opened it and said "I hate him." I snatched the money away and started crying which then made her cry. Not good.
This morning she came up with a new one. While getting ready for school she said something about how she likes it when she wears tights because then she can pull her skirt up. I told her that even with tights she should keep her skirt down. She said "But that way the boys get to see my vagina sort of."
I snapped and spun her around to look at me (I was brushing her hair at the time) "Why would you want the boys to see your private parts?!?!" She started crying and said she didn't know. I knew I overreacted and had blown it. She said "I didn't know that would make you mad." I told her it wasn't a matter of what makes me mad, I just don't understand why she'd want boys or anyone else to look at her private parts. I mean, she's a little beyond the innocent curiosity stage and we've had "private part" talks on several occasions that were very calm and "normal". Now that I reacted harshly, she'll probably become obsessed now with wanting to show off her vagina or something.
Oh, and I really don't think she's getting this from school. I know that she is fully capable of coming up with these ideas herself. But why is my sweet baby becoming a promiscuous racist?
I'm thinking I need to find a therapist to talk about her OCD tendencies. She doesn't really have any compulsions - just the obsessions. Other obsessions have come and gone (not wanting to touch anything wood, there's an evil clown in our bathroom, death and who is going to die when) in the past, but they were easier to deal with.
Ugh. Bless you if you made it this far in my rambling.
I calmly ask her to explain and she basically was coming from a purely aesthetic point of view. She said she just thinks her "bright skin" looks better than black skin. To her it was no different that saying she likes pink shirts better than green shirts. I calmly had a discussion about how there are many colors of skin and they can all be beautiful. I got kind of a "whatever, Mom" reaction from her. We had a talk about how skin color is a very sensitive subject in the world that has caused lots of hate and sadness when people judge each other by their skin color. Then she got upset and felt all guilty that she was a terrible person. This wasn't my intent, I just wanted to explain why expressing negative opinions about skin color isn't socially acceptable before she said something at school like that.Fast forward a few months to now. She's back on the "black skin" thing and how she doesn't like to look at the people in her class with that color skin. We talked again about how skin color doesn't have anything to do with the person inside. She says she knows and she likes one boy, but doesn't like to watch him eat because of his skin. ?????? During that same time, some kid told her the middle finger was really bad and she's not supposed to show it to anyone. She asked me about it and I said yes, that it is kind of sign language for a very bad word that basically means "I hate you." and that people could get very upset if she did it to them. Well, these 2 things sent her into some kind of OCD spin and she became obsessed with wanting to show her middle finger to others, herself and up at the sky to God. (We're not a religious family so I'm not sure where that came from.) Also, she said she couldn't stop thinking about how she didn't like black skin. The finger thing let up after a few days and now she's obsessed with the word "stupid". She is constantly "confessing" to me all of the "bad" thoughts she has about how this person or that person is stupid and she doesn't like them. It can be anyone from kids she doesn't even know on the playground to family members that I know she really loves (like me
).I told her that if it makes her feel better to tell me everytime she has a bad thought, she can but that she doesn't have to. However, now I'm starting to get tired of hearing it all day and I REALLY don't want my 4yo to start saying everything is "stupid". I'm having a hard time staying calm about it and have even snapped "Yes, I know you think I'm stupid but I don't want to hear it right now because it is starting to hurt my feelings!" Yesterday my father sent her a dollar and some little thing that says "You are loved." in the mail. She opened it and said "I hate him." I snatched the money away and started crying which then made her cry. Not good.
This morning she came up with a new one. While getting ready for school she said something about how she likes it when she wears tights because then she can pull her skirt up. I told her that even with tights she should keep her skirt down. She said "But that way the boys get to see my vagina sort of."
I snapped and spun her around to look at me (I was brushing her hair at the time) "Why would you want the boys to see your private parts?!?!" She started crying and said she didn't know. I knew I overreacted and had blown it. She said "I didn't know that would make you mad." I told her it wasn't a matter of what makes me mad, I just don't understand why she'd want boys or anyone else to look at her private parts. I mean, she's a little beyond the innocent curiosity stage and we've had "private part" talks on several occasions that were very calm and "normal". Now that I reacted harshly, she'll probably become obsessed now with wanting to show off her vagina or something.Oh, and I really don't think she's getting this from school. I know that she is fully capable of coming up with these ideas herself. But why is my sweet baby becoming a promiscuous racist?
I'm thinking I need to find a therapist to talk about her OCD tendencies. She doesn't really have any compulsions - just the obsessions. Other obsessions have come and gone (not wanting to touch anything wood, there's an evil clown in our bathroom, death and who is going to die when) in the past, but they were easier to deal with.
Ugh. Bless you if you made it this far in my rambling.
