Another B-Day Q - Presents

[lucyem]

My son was invited to three birthday parties this weekend. Two were the same time and we narrowed it down to the one a half an hour away rather then the one 45 minutes away. (Neither child or parent is known to us so it was a toss up) I emailed the mother of the party we are going to and asked what her son was interested in and she told me thank you very much but he has everything he needs so do not worry about a present. Now my question is - bring a small gift or not? Just in case? My son age 4 thinks bringing the present is the best thing. The following day we are going to a birthday party for a set of twins so we bought two trucks for them. I did actually buy 3 so we could think about the first birthday. My husband said get the first ready and bring it along and if you go through the whole present thing then bring it in. if not do not bring it in, just stick with the card.

You know the whole birthday thing is crazy. Someone needs to write an etiquitte book on chaild parties. Geesh. And its only October of the first year of school!

[TiredX2]

If it wasn't written on the invitation not to, I would definatley bring a gift. Otherwise you may be the only person without one.

If you get there and it seems inappropriate, you can always just not give it.

[becoming]

I would definitely take it, just in case. It would be very embarrassing for you and your son to be the only ones who don't bring a present.

I do not envy you having two birthday parties to attend in one weekend! :

[techno_dara]

Okay, I know this won't be any help. Anyway, I was invited to a party that said no presents on the invite. Everyone else brought something! I was the only one who didn't, and I felt really bad. Sorry, I have no answer for you.

[Zach'smom]

I can't find anything in Miss Manners or Emily Post on this one!

She may have jsut said no gift neccesary because she felt funny "tellling" you what to get her dc. Ds's party is coming up. As friends Mom's from his preschool have been calling to respond some have asked "what he would like" or "what he likes". I always feel uncomfortable telling them. I don't know why. I never have a problem giving family members gift ideas. I guess I don't want his friends to feel like they need a gift to get through the door or
his pary is just a way to get gifts or .... am I making any sense?:

At any rate she just may have been uncomfortable giving you a suggestion.

[oyemicanto]

Well, I haven't been invited to any parties that said "no presents" so I'm probably no help. What I have decided to do is to as Dd starts school is to decline invites to parties where she doesn't even know the child (although this is unlikely because she attends a very small school), and if we do get a "no presents" invite, to try to honor that by not buying a gift, but DD can make something and give it discreetly to the birthday boy or girl.

Etiquette is so hard, but I need to start setting our limits now so we don't go : .

[veganf]

We tried writing "no presents" on an invitation to one of our boys' parties once....it didn't work...people still brought presents.
But I'd still bring a present, just something small. Or maybe a card with something inside, ie. gift card, origami paper, collectable card pack, small card game deck, etc.

[momileigh]

A child's birthday party is assumed to be a gift-giving party. I agree with the pp who said the mom was probably just uncomfortable giving a suggestion, which is silly, but a lot of people feel that way. I would definitely bring a gift, but of course nothing elaborate.

[tnrsmom]

I would bring a small gift since the invitation did not specify no gifts and most likely you would be the only ones empty handed.

When we had Becca's 1st b-day party, I wanted to have a huge bash. We figured she was our last baby and our only summer baby. I wanted to invite all the friends, family and neighbors but did not feel right expecting them to bring a gift which she totally didn't need and wouldn't care anyway. On the invitations I wrote no gifts,but knowing that many people do not feel right walking into a party empty handed, I added that if they wanted to bring something, they could bring a donation (toys, clothes, blankets, character slippers) for the children's hospital. B was born with a heart defect and spent plenty of time in the cardiology clinic there and Sarah was having some health issues as well and we had her there plenty too. We added that to the invite so people knew why it was important to us and added that while we were very lucky, there were many kids who were not and these items might make their day.

We had a bounce house, cotton candy machine : and plenty of food for everyone. I think it was the best party we have ever thrown.