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Curious

post #1 of 221
Thread Starter 
I am re-posting in the correct forum.


Would you let your elementary/middle school age child(ren) live with your parents during the week if it gave them better access to resources (such as schools or activities).

The child(ren) would come home on weekends, but would be gone all week.
post #2 of 221
I had a response all typed and they closed it! Anyway, my answer is no. I want my children to live with me and be raised by me. We moved (on purpose) when our children entered elementary school. We moved into a great school district (same city) and bought a house right down the street from the elementary school. I want to be the one to take my kids to school everyday, volunteer at the school, pick them up, go to school conferences, go to baseball after school, etc. I know it isn't always easy to move, but we planned on it as soon as we had children because we knew it was important to be in a good school district, so I think if you plan for it, there is no need for the kids to go live somewhere else. I also don't feel that is my parent's responsibility to raise my kids. They have done their duty!
post #3 of 221
Thread Starter 
I completely agree with you.

I just can't imagine a situation where I would send my crew off to live with my parents or anyone else.
post #4 of 221
Yes, I agree. A child's parents are the greatest resources they can ever have. Well, at least in most families (I hope!).

I would not want anyone else to raise my children, unless absolutely necessary (i.e. DH and I dead).

And, yeah, as a side issue that would be a huge burden on the grandparents. I know far too many grandparents either virtually or even legally raising their grandkids, and it's so hard for them, and not the ideal situation for ANYone.
post #5 of 221
I would ask that person why they had children in the first place.
post #6 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini View Post
I am re-posting in the correct forum.


Would you let your elementary/middle school age child(ren) live with your parents during the week if it gave them better access to resources (such as schools or activities).

The child(ren) would come home on weekends, but would be gone all week.
Yes. If I thought my children were mature enough. We are actually considering a boarding school for our daughter when she goes into the 9th or 10th grade. I am becoming a SDA (I'm waiting to get baptised) and this is quite common. Not all the kids live in dorms, some live with family church friends or relatives. I've talked to a great number of adults and current students that have gone off to live this type of arrangement, and they loved it.

Added: I went back and read the OP again and realized it said elementary children -- the answer would definitely be NO to that. A child that was 13 and 14 and had established values and was going into a similar home enviroment, it would have to be a Maybe.
post #7 of 221
No, I would not. BUT, my best friend did. She did not miss her DS at all.
post #8 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini View Post
I completely agree with you.

I just can't imagine a situation where I would send my crew off to live with my parents or anyone else.
Well, it was either that or be homeless and hungry living on the streets, and then my kids would be taken and put into foster care.
At least this way they are with their grandmother who loves them with all her heart and soul and they are in the best school available, never go hungry and have a safe home. They come here every week-end.
Also, I was the one who worked 3 jobs, paid off all my mother's debt and helped her buy a house. Not too many children have done anything more than a Mother's Day card for their mother.
post #9 of 221

My reply from the other thread

Yes. I do. Both of my 10 yr olds stay with my mother during the week. Better schools and resources.
Also, if you read my past thread about us going homeless, it was just better for my family.
They don't go hungry, anymore. And we don't have to live on the streets.
They come home every week-end.
post #10 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by jamsmama View Post
I would ask that person why they had children in the first place.
WTF? When I had my kids I was very well off, had a house, had two jobs, attending college, etc. Life gets rough sometimes. You never know when it will turn upside down.
Lose 8 children in your family in less than a year and see if you can live through the grief and stay on top of the world. :
post #11 of 221
No. I think family is the most important thing, even more so that better schools or learning resources.
post #12 of 221
I think a lot of us do more than a card for Mother's Day. I think that remark was a little snide.
post #13 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies View Post
Well, it was either that or be homeless and hungry living on the streets, and then my kids would be taken and put into foster care.
At least this way they are with their grandmother who loves them with all her heart and soul and they are in the best school available, never go hungry and have a safe home. They come here every week-end.
Also, I was the one who worked 3 jobs, paid off all my mother's debt and helped her buy a house. Not too many children have done anything more than a Mother's Day card for their mother.
mamaintheboonies, clearly your situation warranted it. But I don't think the OP mean't cases like your's (OP, I may be wrong).

I thought she just mean't being in a better school district, not because things were going awry in the family home.
post #14 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmommy View Post
mamaintheboonies, clearly your situation warranted it. But I don't think the OP mean't cases like your's (OP, I may be wrong).

I thought she just mean't being in a better school district, not because things were going awry in the family home.
Thank you for the hug. I did try to move to the cities, but the house we rented had lead and my kids got lead poisoning.
Where I am living now, there are no good schools, no resources for families like mine. My dd and ds are way better off living with my mother.
Yes, i miss them both like crazy when they are not here, and especially when I don't get to talk to them by phone for a few days. I wish life was fair, but it's not.
post #15 of 221
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheFence View Post
Yes. If I thought my children were mature enough. We are actually considering a boarding school for our daughter when she goes into the 9th or 10th grade. I am becoming a SDA (I'm waiting to get baptised) and this is quite common. Not all the kids live in dorms, some live with family church friends or relatives. I've talked to a great number of adults and current students that have gone off to live this type of arrangement, and they loved it.
I think there is a big difference between 9th-10th grade and elementary/middle school age kids, though I doubt I would send them away even at that age.
post #16 of 221
Thread Starter 
I could see it if it was temporary situation, though I would say we would all move in.

Now that you have a home, I guess I don't see why they would still be somewhere else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies View Post
Well, it was either that or be homeless and hungry living on the streets, and then my kids would be taken and put into foster care.
At least this way they are with their grandmother who loves them with all her heart and soul and they are in the best school available, never go hungry and have a safe home. They come here every week-end.
Also, I was the one who worked 3 jobs, paid off all my mother's debt and helped her buy a house. Not too many children have done anything more than a Mother's Day card for their mother.
post #17 of 221
Thread Starter 
I can see the perspective this person is coming from.

I get some people come acrossed hard times, we have BTDT. I have never sent my crew to live with someone else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies View Post
WTF? When I had my kids I was very well off, had a house, had two jobs, attending college, etc. Life gets rough sometimes. You never know when it will turn upside down.
Lose 8 children in your family in less than a year and see if you can live through the grief and stay on top of the world. :
post #18 of 221
This is rampant where I live and not due to extenuating circumstances like MITB.

The cost of homes is very high here and the most affluent areas have the best schools as I am sure is true most areas. The big trend right now is middle class families who were brought up in affluent areas are buying big houses in what are traditionally less-affluent towns. Kind of get "more house for your money" and in some cases they can't afford to live in the town they "want" in the types of house they "want". In these less affluent towns property taxes, auto insurance are all less so even bigger bonus. Instead of working to improve the schools they send the children live with family so they can get the same "better" education their parents did.

Whats even worse is the parents who knowingly buy their big McMansions in bad school districts and then rent/buy an apt or condo in a "good" school district and use it as a mailing address. There was a big expose about that in the local paper recently.

that said in MITB case I would have done exactly what she did but in my current case I couldn't imagine sending my kids away just for a better education. If I didn't think the schools were doing a good job I would get involved, move or send them to private. I have that ability but know that many don't.
post #19 of 221
I can't really say what I would do. It would truly depend on the circumstances at the time I needed to make a decision.
post #20 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini View Post
Now that you have a home, I guess I don't see why they would still be somewhere else.
If they came to live with me, we would be over the housing limit and end up getting evicted and homeless.

I don't have the money nor resources to buy a house for us, yet.

My mother's house is too small for all of us to live there. She would end up losing her home and then there would be three homeless families, as one of my sisters and her family reside with my mother, also.
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