Another birthday quandry....

[girlsmamma2]

Ok, I need some help. I keep thinking and thinking and I just can't figure out what to do. My dd's 4th birthday is in late November, a few days before Thanksgiving. At all of her, and her sister's, previous birthday's we've just had our family (dh, sis, bro, dog) and pappa and grandma come over. It has been perfect and just right.

This year she is in preschool and has made a couple close friends. I'd say 2 girls and one boy and his younger sis who isn't in the class. Her class has 14 total kids in it. I just don't know who to invite? Our house is smaller and very cut off and I figured if I invited just those kids, their parents would probably come so that could be as few as 9 people if just mom and kiddo come or as many as 15, plus us, if they bring whole families. Fact is, we had 7 adults and 2 kids here for our homebirth and people we sitting on the floor. There was someone everywhere you stepped. And the other day her two friends came to play and it was crowded then. We just don't have a lot of space or many places to sit.

so what do I do? If it was in the summer, I'd probably invite all the kids in her class and have a back yard bbq. But in the winter we have to have it inside obviously. Do people typically invite just the friend and the mom? What about siblings? Probably the girl she wants to come the most has two younger sibs and if they can't come maybe she won't. what do I do? what if only one girl comes? Is it really ok not to invite the whole class? should i just stick to the grandparents again? It seems like that would be silly now that she has friends that can come. I just don't know what to do and I need to get planning. Help!

TIA!

[obiandelismom]

Is there not anywhere else you can have it? I have had bday parties for my ds's at the mall playspace (free), pizza parlor (have to buy pizza), and my mom's house (free, but for the guilt ). 4 is such a fun age for a "friends" birthday party, and you can bet she'll be invited to several this year. Maybe you can work something out in another location?

[LynnS6]

We've never invited the whole class. The first year (when he turned 4), we invited 5 friends (2 from church, 3 from daycare). They came with their parents. In fact, all the birthday parties I've been to with this crowd the parents always come, and stay.

I would say invite the 2 girls, the boy and his sister, and assume one parent will come (weekends its often dad, if he's around). That would be a nice size party for a 4 year old. Most parents assume that the invitation is just for the child on the invite, and if they ask if the younger ones can come, you can explain the situation and say "it'll be tight".

And you know, parents are OK sitting on the floor, with people stepping around them. Really. Could you clear the furniture out of the dining area and have the kids play there? I just pushed ours all off to the side. It works fine.

If you really think your hyouse is too small, I second alternate location. Rec centers, churches, pizza places all rent space. Personally, I'd try to avoid the pizza places that have a lot of electronic games for kids to play, as the kids don't play together, they just go off onto the video games. One with a playstructure would be nicer.

[Ann-Marita]

I think it is fine to not invite the whole class. Just don't distribute the invitations at class (mail them), or do so very discretely (quietly hand them to the parents). And I've always told my dd to NOT talk about the party in front of people who aren't invited.

If you are considering another location, hotels will often rent rooms for birthday parties. Not regular hotel rooms with beds, but rooms set up for meetings and parties.

Whatever you do, please don't hand out invitations at class and invite everyone but one or two children. This happened to my dd. Very sad.

[mommyto3girls]

As a teacher, I also say it is fine to just invite a few of the kids, however, do not hand out the invites at school. If you need addresses ask the teacher if she can give your number to the other parents so they can call and give you their address. If you were given a class list with phone numbers and addresses then you don't need to worry about that

[mom2noah]

I agree with everyone else. Just invite a few of the children but hand the invites out discreetly. You could mail or call/email the parents if you were given a contact list, or you could hand the invites directly to the parents.

[Zilla]

I agree with everyone else about the invitations and not inviting the whole class. When my neice turned 4 a few months ago, she had a couple of her closest buddies from preschool over and had a slumber party. Her mom said it went fine, I say she's very brave. I would probably never have four year olds over to spend the night though.

[girlsmamma2]

Thanks everyone for the tips. And since I'm one of the room parents for her class I do have a list of addys and emails so that part is easy. And I agree, I would never hand them out at school or even at drop off. I'm sure dd won't be a part of a few of the other birthdays so I too hope other parents would be as tactful.

I looked at some tables and chairs today at Costco, thinking I could clear out the living room, but if anything I think I will just need the chairs. They were expensive! I'll skip table. ug. I've been looking at my living room all day wondering how I can clear things out to make it more spacious. the main room i'm concerned about is the kitchen and eating area. people get really bogged up in there because it's really tight, even for our family!

At least I know i'm on the right track! thanks so much for the responses everyone. this is my oldest dd and the first time I've attempted a party like this....it's a little unnerving! And a little unnerving to invite parents whose kids I know better then them!

[mom2noah]

nak..we just recently had my DS's third bday. We bought a family sized Neat Sheet for the kids to eat lunch and cake on. It's big and waterproof. So much easier than table and chairs. http://www.theneatsheet.com/

[wombat]

Ah I have the same problems. Girlsmamma2, if you have an IKEA near you, check out their 'JEFF' folding chair - $4.99. I got an IKEA promotion email recently and they had this clever setup with the folding chairs hanging on hooks on the wall. I also got a folding table from Costco for about $35.

[girlsmamma2]

ooooo, i forgot about ikea! hmmmm. I'll have to look that up. thanks for the suggestions. The neat sheet sounds cool. let me take a look at that. thanks guys!