'i Hate You'

[tireesix]

: Is what my 2 1/2 year old shouted at me the other day. I don't know what to do with her right now. She screams and shouts at me, is hitting her 10 mth old sister............. I feel I have failed.

We aren't living in ideal housing conditions which I think is part of the problem (4 of us in a 1 bedroom flat, more like bedsit because the bedroom isn't usable, am working on this) also she is on antibiotics for a wee infection....... In fact her behaviour has gone totally down hill since she got the infecton and even worse since begining anti b's.......

We quite literaly do not get on. DH has said on more than one occasion he is concerned about DD1 and my relationship. She just doesn't listen to me, no matter what I do, weend up having a shouting match. I go through to DH to get some support and he is laughing at me. Grrrrrrrrrr, why is he so much better with the children than I am? I find myself doing more and more with my youngest and avoiding spending as much time with DD1 and I know it sounds bad, but we just clash SO bad.

DD1 is still breastfed and I think this is part of the problem. Breastfeeding her makes my toes curl, I don't know why it makes me feel like this, but ever since being pregnant it has been very uncomfortable to feed her. Neither of us are ready to stop but I find myself avoiding feeding her which upsets her or I call a feed short which upsets her but then she sees me feeding DD2. I try explaining it to her....... Our breastfeeding relationship makes us resent each other, we both want it to be how it used to be but I don't think it ever will be and I want my little girl back.........

I don't know whether this should be here or over in breastfeeding or elsewhere........... I don't know how to discipline her anymore, time out isn't working, talking to her isn't working, nothing works, I can only assume its because I am doing the wrong things and this is more than just a behaviour issue and more of an emotional problem, etc etc.......... Part of me thinks that I shouldn't discipline her for a behaviour she can't help (things are very stressed at the mo due to housing, I think we might all be acting up), but then another part of me thinks that I should continue (but how)....... I just don't know.

Any ideas??????

[honeybee]

I'm tandem nursing, too, so I know how difficult it can be. I use the two minute scenario. Ds1 can nurse nearly any time he asks (except when ds2 is already nursing), but I will tell him he has only two minutes if I have something else that needs doing, or if I just can't tolerate longer. Then, when the time is nearly over, I count to ten, and by ten we're done. The counting helps him transition easier, and now he will happily quit when we get to ten. (We use counting for other transitions, too, like leaving the playground, leaving a toy to get a bath, etc.) I have found trying to be available to him whenever I can, but limiting the time to be easier on him then delaying or denying him completely. And he really needs those couple of minutes to connect.

Have you tried setting aside some time just for your dd1 each day? Let your dh take the baby and have some fun time just with your dd1. I know I need to do this more regularly with ds1, too.

I think if you concentrate on the relationship aspects, the discipline parts will get easier eventually.

HTH!