I have been reading Raising our children, Raising ourselves and I really like the book, being a control freak, it has helped me take a step back and look at my parenting style and how to parent unconditionally. Right now, I'm questiong my choices and decisions on a particular incident:
We were at a museum eating with my 3yo and our friends (2 other moms and 2 other kids). We all packed a lunch, as we do several times a week for park play dates, etc. My DD was in preschool, while I made grilled cheese sandwiches and cut up veggies and fruit. Of course I knew that the sandwiches would not stay hot by the time we eat them, and it was the 1st time I decided to try to bring something like this instead of our usual turkey or hummus or cream cheese sandwiches. Well, it was 1pm by the time we ate, DD is in school from 8:30 to 11 (she has a snack at school) and I think she was tired by lunchtime. She still naps a few times a week esp. since school started.
She has a tendency to want to eat what others have, which I'm flexible with, we also share what we have, but I'm also trying to teach her that we have our own lunch. It started out that she wanted a cheese stick that our friends were eating, my friend offered it to her, I said, "well I'd like her to eat what we brought first". DD was acting bratty, pushed her sandwich across the table, saying "no", kind of whiny, etc. I realized then that she was getting tired. She asked me for plain bread, I said we don't have any. My friend offered her some cut up melon, which DD ate. She ate some veggies and a couple of slices of orange that I brought too, but IMO really didn't eat much for what I would consider a good lunch. DD kept asking for ice cream as soon as she heard someone else mention it, and I said "no not right now", she proceeded to ask, in a whiney way of course "I want a treat", why not, etc, etc. My friend's kids had eaten their lunch and she bought the older one a rainbow popsicle. It came in a pack of 2, and I guess she misunterstood me when I told DD that she couldn't have it, b/c she came over to DD's seat and started handing it to her. DD looked at me and I said no, you can't have it right now, and of course she proceeded to cry very loud, and then the baby started crying too, so I packed up and left. Later, my friend who felt bad, left a message for me, she was sorry, she thought that since DD ate the melon that it was okay for her to eat the popsicle, she said I'm so much better with nutrition for my kids, she's much more relaxed about it. I tried to stick to the facts, I explained to DD as we were leaving, "sometimes we have popsicles and sometimes we don't, they're not that healthy for you and you need to have a healthier lunch so you don't get sick".
So, I'm trying for get through the grey areas of not controlling my kids, but also teaching them good habits. I mean she does have to bathe, brush her teeth and hair, get out of her pajamas at some point, etc. She resists ALL of these things. I try to live by example with my eating habits. But she's obsessed with treats and snacks. She used to be a good eater, but recently I've noticed that she's not getting a lot of quality nutrition b/c she's eating more snacks and sugar. I try to let go, not make an issue of food but at that point, I admit her behavior (for example, pushing her sandwich across the table) was getting to me. And, I couldn't stand the thought of her eating a artificial color, sugar, no nutritional value popcicle for lunch. The book says to parent without worrying what others will think of you, that is why I was sticking to my guns of her not eating it. This was what I felt was right. But, I'm still questioning whether it was right or no for me to do b/c I also felt like a horrible mother, not allowing my child to have a popsicle when her friend was. There have been plenty of times where DD has had treats, junk, etc. b/c I've given in. And, it's not like she never has unhealthy stuff, I've defintely let go of her diet a lot in the last year or so. She fell asleep in the car, and later that afternoon we discussed other options to bring for lunch so that she will eat what we pack. I want her to make some decisions, so she said "plain bread and banana bread", next time I will bring cheese (which I usually do, just happened to not have it that time), and stuff that she will definitely eat. I know where I was coming from also (I stressed making these sandwiches and packing the lunch b/c I was trying to get out of the house to pick her up from school), so next time I won't use that as a reason to control or react the way I did.
Please post thoughts on this!
TIA
We were at a museum eating with my 3yo and our friends (2 other moms and 2 other kids). We all packed a lunch, as we do several times a week for park play dates, etc. My DD was in preschool, while I made grilled cheese sandwiches and cut up veggies and fruit. Of course I knew that the sandwiches would not stay hot by the time we eat them, and it was the 1st time I decided to try to bring something like this instead of our usual turkey or hummus or cream cheese sandwiches. Well, it was 1pm by the time we ate, DD is in school from 8:30 to 11 (she has a snack at school) and I think she was tired by lunchtime. She still naps a few times a week esp. since school started.
She has a tendency to want to eat what others have, which I'm flexible with, we also share what we have, but I'm also trying to teach her that we have our own lunch. It started out that she wanted a cheese stick that our friends were eating, my friend offered it to her, I said, "well I'd like her to eat what we brought first". DD was acting bratty, pushed her sandwich across the table, saying "no", kind of whiny, etc. I realized then that she was getting tired. She asked me for plain bread, I said we don't have any. My friend offered her some cut up melon, which DD ate. She ate some veggies and a couple of slices of orange that I brought too, but IMO really didn't eat much for what I would consider a good lunch. DD kept asking for ice cream as soon as she heard someone else mention it, and I said "no not right now", she proceeded to ask, in a whiney way of course "I want a treat", why not, etc, etc. My friend's kids had eaten their lunch and she bought the older one a rainbow popsicle. It came in a pack of 2, and I guess she misunterstood me when I told DD that she couldn't have it, b/c she came over to DD's seat and started handing it to her. DD looked at me and I said no, you can't have it right now, and of course she proceeded to cry very loud, and then the baby started crying too, so I packed up and left. Later, my friend who felt bad, left a message for me, she was sorry, she thought that since DD ate the melon that it was okay for her to eat the popsicle, she said I'm so much better with nutrition for my kids, she's much more relaxed about it. I tried to stick to the facts, I explained to DD as we were leaving, "sometimes we have popsicles and sometimes we don't, they're not that healthy for you and you need to have a healthier lunch so you don't get sick".
So, I'm trying for get through the grey areas of not controlling my kids, but also teaching them good habits. I mean she does have to bathe, brush her teeth and hair, get out of her pajamas at some point, etc. She resists ALL of these things. I try to live by example with my eating habits. But she's obsessed with treats and snacks. She used to be a good eater, but recently I've noticed that she's not getting a lot of quality nutrition b/c she's eating more snacks and sugar. I try to let go, not make an issue of food but at that point, I admit her behavior (for example, pushing her sandwich across the table) was getting to me. And, I couldn't stand the thought of her eating a artificial color, sugar, no nutritional value popcicle for lunch. The book says to parent without worrying what others will think of you, that is why I was sticking to my guns of her not eating it. This was what I felt was right. But, I'm still questioning whether it was right or no for me to do b/c I also felt like a horrible mother, not allowing my child to have a popsicle when her friend was. There have been plenty of times where DD has had treats, junk, etc. b/c I've given in. And, it's not like she never has unhealthy stuff, I've defintely let go of her diet a lot in the last year or so. She fell asleep in the car, and later that afternoon we discussed other options to bring for lunch so that she will eat what we pack. I want her to make some decisions, so she said "plain bread and banana bread", next time I will bring cheese (which I usually do, just happened to not have it that time), and stuff that she will definitely eat. I know where I was coming from also (I stressed making these sandwiches and packing the lunch b/c I was trying to get out of the house to pick her up from school), so next time I won't use that as a reason to control or react the way I did.
Please post thoughts on this!
TIA
, and often eat the crap too!). Sorry you had such a hard time - I can totally relate!
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