I tend to agree with being consistant about the big things, and flexible about the little things. I actually think the consistancy argument is one place where behaviorism IS helpful *ducks for cover*. I don't mean in terms of punishment, but in terms of understanding how our parental responses can actually encourage a behavior to persist longer than it needs to (leading to more tears and tantrums) For example, my son really loves videos, and because I was pregnant and tired, I was giving in more and more to his requests for them. We got to a point where we needed to do a video intervention. What behaviorism taught me, for this limited situation, was that if I gave in once in awhile, my son was more likely to continue to have tantrums about my saying no the rest of the time, while if I was consistant about our new rule, he would know what to expect, which was kinder to him. Our new rule, btw, was that he only got to watch a video when he first woke up in the AM and after his nap. We explained it to him, and were very consistant with "no" and redirection when he asked for videos at other times. He did great with the change. So, maybe I'm wrong, but in this case, behaviorism was a helpful tool in my tool box, because I knew that to be inconsistant on this rule was actually somewhat cruel to DS because then he would always be guessing, more likely to be upset, etc. There was a day recently where I did give him an extra video out of exhaustion (the time when it is most tempting to be inconsistant), and for the next several days, he had huge tantrums when I didn't give in again for the extra video. I think that it was unkind of me to be inconsistant. He was doing great, and then I let my exhuastion set him back.
I also have found that consistancy is helpful to ME. I'm not always guessing what to do next. We have a consistant bedtime routine. It is a comfort for me at the end of the day when I'm tired to know what comes next, and my son really seems to like it. Lately, he has been starting the routine earlier than normal - he has initiated it. Last night, I was at a choral rehearsal, and he and my DH were playing in the living room, when suddenly my son gets up and says "time for bath, daddy", and went to the bathroom a full hour earlier than normal. He just was really tired an wanted to start his routine. We have some built in flexibility in his daily routines, choices built in, etc., but at least for me, an exhausted, pregnant mommy, consistancy is definitely my friend, and seems to be comforting and helpful to my son, too.
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to calling your posts "bubble". Your posts stir up thinking, and it's always great! Helps us all figure out what exactly is it that we believe 
