Just a story

[Cujobunny]

Yesterday dh, ds and I went to a little local fall fair. There was a lumberjack show and at the very start one of the guys quickly carved up a tiny chair with a chainsaw from a log. It was really cute. At the end of the show, the guy came up to me and got me to do a log cutting contest with him vs another lumberjack and female spectator. We won so I got the little chair He told me he wanted my son to have it. When I got home I told my best friend the story (she has a son who is 7 wks older than my ds). She told me it could be his time out chair I burst out laughing but heard silence on the other end. I just said "I hope in all my life I never have the need for a time out chair". I was chuckling to myself but the more I thought about it the sadder it made me; here was this cute little chair that ds was happy to have and she thought I would use it to punish him? I bought "Adventures in Gentle Discipline" I'm going to lend it to her when I'm done.

[rmzbm]

Wow, that really is sad. Can you imagine turning all his happiness around and using his new treasure to punish him with? How terrible! Glad you know better! Yes, lend the book ASAP!

[pianojazzgirl]

That is sad! Hopefully she gets something out of that book!

ETA - congrats on winning what sounds like a really cool chair!

[ShaggyDaddy]

My DS has a little chair that we keep for him to eat at the coffee table with and it was sitting in the corner then I moved it because I was afraid someone would think it was a timeout chair

[zeldamomma]

Once (before we had kids) I saw a stand at a craft store with lots and lots of elaborately decorated children's chairs-- all labelled (as a part of the decoration) "time out" chairs. I am not as completely against time outs as some people here, but I can't imagine using them so often to need a special piece of furniture.

Besides it seems kind of sick to decorate your house with something designed for punishment.

[umami_mommy]

oh boy a special chair to punish you child in. how sweet. (actually how sick is what i really think)

[Dal]

SICK. For a gag gift or I do not know why, my parents had this little paddle stick thing that said spanking paddle or something like that on it and had a cartoon picture of a child being spanked with a similar paddle. They never said anything to me about it or threatened me with it. Still... when I think about that stupid thing, I still feel some of the feelings of dread and discomfort that it led me to feel whenever I happened to see it, and it wasn't even meant to be a real threat.

[umami_mommy]

my parents had a wooden machette they brought back from puerto rico. they used that to spank us when we were older. before that it was a wooden paddle from paddle ball with the ball cut off.

my parents considered themsleves "progressive" becuase they only hit us on the ass and they never used their own hand.

[honeybee]

Well, we do occasionally use time outs (yes, I've read Kohn, just don't buy into everything he says), but I still think having a chair designated as "time out" is rather creepy and stigmatizing.

MIL painted a small chair for ds, added cute fish decals, etc. and wanted to write "time out" on it. I politely said no, thanks. I think ds would prefer a chair from his nana that isn't solely associated with punishment. : So, he got a nice chair that he loves from nana instead of a "time out" chair.

[Cujobunny]

Oh Man, I can't believe people actually do this stuff! I agree with a certain degree of "time out" whereby you remove the child from the situation that is upsetting them, but I don't agree with making them sit alone for a designated amount of time as a punishment. I certainly can't imagine requiring an item that is designated for such. It seems so demeaning. I know people would use it as a threat too i.e. "watch out or i'll put you in your naughty chair"

I was babysitting recently for a different friend who has a daughter age 2.5 and on their fridge was a sticker chart where she got stickers as a reward for various things and one was only having one time out per day. Again.
My SIL was visiting a friend who's sister's ds (19mo) was banging on her window. the friend said, "oh watch out, you'll get a time out for that one!" For banging on a window? A 19 mo? I was shocked.

How is it possible I've never had to give my ds a "time out"? I don't even consider that I've ever "disciplined" him in the traditional sense, certainly not punished him. Am I that great a parent?

[Joannarachel]

To be perfectly clear, I DO NOT believe that time-outs are inherently evil.

We use them here when DH does something violent to sister or anyone. We are committed to a violence free household and take hitting/kicking VERY seriously. He knows it's not tolerated. He's only been in time-out out in it mabye 3 or 4 times.

That being said, having a 'time out' chair is creepy and sad, especially when it's got such a special story behind it.

[ejsmama]

Originally Posted by Joannarachel

We use them here when DH does something violent to sister or anyone.

I'm sorry, I just can't let this pass. Did you just say you put your Dear Husband in timeouts? Does it work? Can I try? Any suggestions.

Sorry, but that was just too funny.

[hipumpkins]

Time outs for DHs that's the way to go. I'd even buy the furniture for that one

[Cujobunny]

OH ya, the DH time out chair, I want one of those.

[umami_mommy]

Originally Posted by Joannarachel

To be perfectly clear, I DO NOT believe that time-outs are inherently evil.

well, i guess it depends on what you believe about punishment. timeouts are punishment. if you believe that any kind of punishment doesn't belong in your household then they might be viewed as "evil." (we prefer saying "inconsistant with attachment parenting")

if you believe that certain punishments are okay in your home, then timeouts might work for you. there is however, some evidence that timeouts are more emotionally damaging than some kinds of spanking for some children. (see alfie cohen, unconditional parenting for a description of this research)

i guess i would just wonder (for us) what the long term conseqences are for punishing "violence" with witholding of love from a child. (since inability to control physical impulses are completely normal in young children)

we sometimes use "time-in" in our house. in the past i might have had to hold ds on my lap if he was flipping out (with other kids) or we might go in his room and play or we might just choose to read a book or other quiet activity until he calmed down. this weekend his little friend was hanging with us in their cabin and she got really wild and started throwing a huge boxs of crayons everywhere. i had her sit on the couch right there until i had picked them all up and put them away. (since it it's not my cabin, i didn't want 96 crayons everywhere)


i do believe that there are good alternatives to "timeouts" and other common forms of punishment.

[umami_mommy]

Originally Posted by Cujobunny

OH ya, the DH time out chair, I want one of those.

:

[Joannarachel]

Originally Posted by ejsmama

I'm sorry, I just can't let this pass. Did you just say you put your Dear Husband in timeouts? Does it work? Can I try? Any suggestions.

Sorry, but that was just too funny.

Oh, my



Honestly, I'm open to suggestions. Both DH and I grew up in very violent households, and we both have a pretty low threshold for people hurting each other physically. I want DS to know that hitting is not tolerated from ANYONE in the family, not even him. Violence is the only thing we use time-outs for. Everything else we use distraction/redirection/time ins. Even toy time outs when the toy is used inappropriately (for example if it's used to hit sister in the head : )

I guess I just don't know what else to do.

[Roxswood]

I use a modified version of time out similar to time in I guess, in that dd and I both go into another room to calm down if things are getting upsetting for either one of us, but I don't view it as punishment, just a move to a quiet place so we can talk or cuddle.

[becoming]

Oh, that is really sad. I can't even imagine taking something that made him so happy and turning it into something used for punishment. I think it's a good idea to pass that book on, mama! It sounds like she needs it.

[chfriend]

Originally Posted by Joannarachel

Oh, my



Honestly, I'm open to suggestions. Both DH and I grew up in very violent households, and we both have a pretty low threshold for people hurting each other physically. I want DS to know that hitting is not tolerated from ANYONE in the family, not even him. Violence is the only thing we use time-outs for. Everything else we use distraction/redirection/time ins. Even toy time outs when the toy is used inappropriately (for example if it's used to hit sister in the head : )

I guess I just don't know what else to do.

I understand about the violent household, but I guess I'd want to look at your definition of violence. Little kids hitting/acting out is not violence. It's age appropriate, although difficult, behavior. a la spitting out food one does not like, rather than making an awful face and swallowing. Your babies are sooo little. They can just be loved up on when they are feeling so bad they hit.