: ok...sooo...how to gently 'discipline' (to GUIDE, that is...lets remember...it is not to scold or punish...lol at least that is MY motive!) adults in our lives such as rude or abusive comments either in front of our kids or to our kids...ok i'll give you some examples of what i personally have to put up with... (but DO NOT want to just say nothing to anymore!!! 
: ) ok here are the examples:-my soon to be father in law is a VERY negative, dramatic rude abusive man. he used to beat and verbally abuse his wife (still verbally and emotionally abuses) and the kids growing up. he is basically a dry drunk, a big bullying type of kid...sooo...he has been well behaved lately, but yesterday, my dd who is almost 4 and basically AWESOME w/ animals, kicked to shoo away FIL's shitzu (whom we are dog sitting while his house is getting built) from some spilled dog food of our dogs...and FIL happened to be right there...he said in his loud bullying booming voice to megh, "THE NEXT TIME YOU KICK HER I'LL KICK YOU!". i said NOTHING except for megh not to kick the dog...i wanted to say SO MUCH to this mouse of a man...
: but i kept my mouth shut. what 'could' i have done/said to avoid any nasty fight with him.....i guess i could have joked like i do w/ him to avoid any hostility between us, and said that i would have his ass for dinner for talking like that...i dunno...that to me is avoiding what he said to megh. saying that to a child or anyone is NOT ok...it doesn't solve the issue or help megh to learn love and peaceful solutions to that issue w/ the dog. any suggestions???and here is another example...what to do in this sort of thing...
-tom, (my soon to be dh) he's got this friend danny and his girlfriend is cool until she gets annoyed...now i found out, with ANYONE. thought it was just danny or her poor 10 yo son (who is quite obviously disturbed from her rages and comments)...well we were over there yesterday...we don't go to their place, they usually come to ours just in the garage area as tom does demo derbies...ok so my dd megh spills her soda on their carpet (they live in a freakin' old mobile home w/ stains already on it but carrie, danny's girlfriend is an obsessive neat freak) so carrie gets up, stomps around complaining about the possibility of staining and boom boom boom stomp stomp stomp....i felt awful as did megh i'm sure...poor thing! i told megh its ok, it'll come out...i know you didn't mean to spill..........as did danny but carrie bitched and boom boom boom stomp stomp stomp pouty puss on her face...oh she's some ball of wax, lemme tell you, this woman has ISSUES.
: soooo what COULD i have done to avoid a scene....i comforted megh when she came to me and told her later in the car home that everyone spills accidentally and it is not her fault carrie was so rude. i just hate that adults act this way...as carrie and FIL do. oh and then to top it off, tom's sister sue also has a rage problem...at one of the demo derbies she attacked (physically this time) their SIL (sister in law) whom she DESPISES and it was just awful for all of us.........megh had to witness this drama/abuse. and sue (toms sis) is freakin' 37 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can we say.............INTENSIVE THERAPY!? 
: 
i am sad cuz i moved megh out of oregon to get away from the chaos that often came from my moms alcoholism (dui's, passing out by the doghouse...etc.) and here i find we are surrounded by toms family and friends' drama. any advice?????????????????????? i don't want to say to them if you can't act maturely or decently in our home you are not welcome cuz then i'll get blasted and name called and they won't come around... so now what.
sometimes i feel like i'm in the middle of a bad trailer trash movie. lol-Lis in central MN
