forgot just how sensitive my son really is

[umami_mommy]

we lost power here thursday night. that was stressful enough.

then dh decided we "needed" to drive all the way to his mom's to stay there friday night. we have a generator but he was "tired" of turning it off and on. so we drove an hour there. my MIL didn't make anything for us to eat and then we all tried to pile into a full size bed. dh ended up on the floor and had an asthma attack from his mother's cats. luckily at the last minute i threw in a bag of stuff i had recently taken to DC and i was able to give dh my new inhaler and stave off a trip to the ER. meanwhile, ds got all stuffed up too, was too hot and had leg cramps all night. he cried in his sleep on and off all night. neither of us got much sleep. poor ds, he adores his grandma, but she is just in outer space. she just didn't see how she was winding ds up by bringing him toy after toy to play with and giving him all these choices on TV on demand. when we left to go to the mall to find him some boots he was bouncing off the walls. i insisted on lunch first and of course ds had a meltdown.

that's when MIL suggested i spank him. i almost spanked her.

then we went to look for winter stuff for him and he was NOT COOPERATING for anything. again she suggested a "swat" would be a good idea. i think if looks could kill she would have died.

i refused to go back to MIL's house and instead we went to a cabin on the lake that friends own. it was lovely but ds cried and cried and cried and wouldn't come to bed and was so so sensitive with my friend's little girl the next day; meltdown after meltdown.

so we came home and it as cold but home and even with just the generator on (essentails only in the house) ds was much better, his mood was greatly improved and he is back to being my sweet little, if inflexible, little boy.

lets see, he's not cooperative, not very adaptive and highly sensitive, but he is bright, verbal and understanding. na dmaybe if i *don't* "swat" him, he'll learn to be all the things he not by the time he has kids.

[blsilva]

My MIL is onto the spanking thing, too. Only she tells me all the time (since ds1 was 2) that I should only spank him for the "important" things. : I finally told her that we do not spank at all, then laughed at the confused expression on her face . I really feel for dh- having grown up like that.

[umami_mommy]

Originally Posted by blsilva

My MIL is onto the spanking thing, too. Only she tells me all the time (since ds1 was 2) that I should only spank him for the "important" things. : I finally told her that we do not spank at all, then laughed at the confused expression on her face . I really feel for dh- having grown up like that.

funny thing, she has NEVER been like this before... but then again, she has never seen ds like this, and neither have i. he was overstressed and overtired and overstimulated. my dh denies his parents ever spanked him, when i told him what his mother said his jaw dropped on the table.... now, me, we got the crap spanked out of us all the time.

[blsilva]

It sounds like everyone had a really hard day- ds, MIL, and you. Maybe it was just a fluke. Some people who don't really know how to handle overstimulated kids resort to spanking out of desperation. Even if it is wrong. She may just need for you to help her understand how you deal with him when he's like this, to give her some ideas of how she can help him(and you) without resorting to spanking.

[june'smom]

Your son sounds like dd. She just cannot handle anything outside of her normal routine. She needs to be home a lot. She cannot have anyone talk to her about certain things (usually who she is pretending to be) or what she is wearing (usually something fancy). She jsut screams at everyone all the time. Well, not me or dh or others who know her really well.

But I hear you on the inflexible part. People are just shocked at her responses to things and then they just push harder. I think they assume that if they talk long enough she will change her mind. Nope.

I cannot imagine having to go anywhere for a few days without really setting her up for it before hand. And the spanking advice. Yikes. Too much for a mama to handle.

[Dal]

I think a lot of mainstream parenting follows a general pattern: Fail to meet the child's needs or to even know the child well enough to know what these needs are. Get annoyed at the child for acting as people do when their needs aren't met. Be rude to the child or otherwise start to add to the list of needs that aren't met. Start hitting the child or sending the child to solitary confinement when the child's upset escalates since the original needs, and now others, have not been met. Child is very upset and feels defeated and angry, but parent feels vindicated and pats self for being consistent and firm. Situation eventually mellows. Needs do not get met once again. Child starts to be less agreeable as unmet needs escalate. And so on. It's brilliant, really.

[umami_mommy]

yup, i agree dal.

thing is, my brother and i were horribly behaved. and when we became teens we were really bad. spanking does not solve anything and makes an angry sneaky child.

and i asked my MIL, if you were tired and upset, would someone you love hitting you make it better? do you really think hitting him would be what he needs?

she just kept shrugging.

funny thing is, i know lots of mainstream parents, but most of them don't spank.