Need help on getting started

[rosie_plus_one]

I know that this is a little early; Camden will be one this weekend, but I want to make sure that I start off on the right foot. I'd like to give you the scenario that occured last night and get a little input to see what I could have done better.

Last night we (parents and babe) were in the bedroom making the bed and Camden started opening a drawer in Dad's nightstand that holds all his important stuff - ie, wallet, checkbook, etc. Dad decided that was a drawer he would rather not have Camden go through (he has a tendency to carry things off and put them in other drawers, or in his toy box, etc, so it's difficult to find things once he has gotten ahold of them). I crouched down to Camden, closed the drawer and said "This is Daddy's drawer. This is not for babies." He started crying a little and immediately tried to open the drawer again. I said the same thing again, while holding the drawer closed, and added a "No-no, not for babies" at the end. I think I did it 4 times before I finally just picked him up and carried him into the living room to his toys. He wailed the whole time.

For the rest of the evening (maybe about 3 hours?), it felt like every time I turned my back he would be waddling off into the bedroom again to open the drawer. A few times I caught him inches away with a "Camden, what are you doing?" and he jumped mile high. A few times he got into the drawer and I had to close it, say "Not for babies" and carry him off again.

Yes, I understand that I could just let him get into this drawer, but I really want there to be a few areas that are off limits to him. He has very few in the house - there's 2 cabinets that are locked in the kitchen and that's it. He has the run of the roost. I think it's important to teach some respect for Mommy and Daddy's things as well.

Is it normal for such a young baby to be so... well, it felt like he was being sneaky. He would play with a toy for a minute, then get up and casually amble into the hallway, pause for a second to see if I asked him what he was doing, then he'd amble on into the bedroom. Once I caught him and he immediately dove onto a pile of pillows and looked up at me grinning. I don't believe he was planning on playing with those pillows.

Please help.

[Twocoolboys]

I've been in similar situations many times. It is completely normal for him to be curious about that drawer, or anything else that is off limits. I would think of it as curious as opposed to sneaky. What I would have done is just pulled the whole drawer out and set it up someplace out of his reach until he lost interest, then you wouldn't feel like you had to be the police - lol.

[maya44]

I think its totally normal for them to do this. But I would not call it sneaky, just curious and with a lack of impule control.

What I would do is to keep doing what you are doing. Except I'd make the explanation as short as possible now. Just "not for babies" in a verrrrrrrrry borrrrrrrrrrrring voice.

After a while he will catch on that he simply is never ever going to be allowed to go in the drawer and it will stop.

[pianojazzgirl]

Originally Posted by maya44

What I would do is to keep doing what you are doing. Except I'd make the explanation as short as possible now. Just "not for babies" in a verrrrrrrrry borrrrrrrrrrrring voice.

I think that's the way to go (if you don't want to just lock the drawer or put the stuff out of reach). When my dd first moved to a bed from her crib she would constantly get out of bed and come to us in the living room. We just consistently shuffled her back to bed, saying (in a boring voice) "time for night night". We were as non-reactive as possible. Pretty soon she figured it was just as much fun to stay in bed, lol.

[mamaduck]

I think it is important to work with developmental phases and not against them. Toddlers learn about the world by physically exploring it. They are psychologically driven to get into everything. I feel like fighting that impulse is the equivalent of thwarting their efforts to learn and grow. Personally, I try to make everything within the reach of a toddler accessible, especially in his own home. Home should be a comfortable place to learn and grow. Daddy could have a drawer or box somewhere out of reach, and there would be no conflict.

[DevaMajka]

I'd suggest having a different rule. Instead of him not being allowed in there, he IS allowed to look in that drawer only while Mom or Dad are there with him.
I'd be willing to bet that if you let him explore as much as he wants, while you are there with him, that he'll quickly be done and not have any desire to look in the drawer.

Everything that's ever started off as "off limits" has ended up being "with mom or dad" and it's worked WAYYYY better that way than keeping it off limits.

[rosie_plus_one]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

Daddy could have a drawer or box somewhere out of reach, and there would be no conflict.

Unfortunately it seems like he always finds something that we don't want him to play with. I really thought that our home was well baby proofed before this incident last night, and like I said this is probably one of the only areas that we don't want him to play with.

I would have thought that it would be good developmentally to begin learning about off limits areas instead of being raised thinking that everything is fair game 100% of the time. Is it too early for that kind of teaching?

Thanks for the tip to shorten it and to use a boring voice - I hadn't thought of either.

[DevaMajka]

I guess my thinking is that it's good developmentally to learn WHY something is not ok to do. It's arbitrary to say that he can't get in the drawer ever, because, really, THAT is not the issue. The real issue is that you don't want him to carry things to other rooms and put it down, and get it lost (which is a very very legitimate boundary!)
So, make a rule that deals with the real issue. You don't want things to get lost. If he's ONLY allowed in the drawer when you are present, things won't get lost. And he won't be tempted to get into it when you aren't present, in which case the chance of things getting lost has greatly increased.
Ime, ds willingly follows "rules" that are truly meaningful. If they are a bit arbitrary (as in, I'm making blanket rule because I don't want to confuse him with the details), he is less willing to follow it. He knows when it matters, and when it doesn't, as long as I've explained it honestly.
I know my ds is much older, but we've been doing basically the same thing since the beginning. Obviously, I expect more now. But we always tried to let him do what he wanted, in a way that was agreeable to us.

[hellyaellen]

mine just turned 1 and we do a lot of picking him up and setting him down with something else he CAN play with. i just realized a couple of days ago that SHUTTING the door to the rooms i don't want him to go into solves some problems. it is a lot of work at this age to you though for getting a good start

[Ambyrkatt]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

I think it is important to work with developmental phases and not against them. Toddlers learn about the world by physically exploring it. They are psychologically driven to get into everything. I feel like fighting that impulse is the equivalent of thwarting their efforts to learn and grow. Personally, I try to make everything within the reach of a toddler accessible, especially in his own home. Home should be a comfortable place to learn and grow. Daddy could have a drawer or box somewhere out of reach, and there would be no conflict.

I agree with this. We have taken everything out of our nightstand drawers and moved it to our top dresser drawers. Our nightstands now hold clothes and other things that could not hurt DS. I watch him closely as he roams around the house, but I would rather put things out of reach than teach him not to explore.

[IlluminatedAttic]

All of the storage in our house is at toddler level. Even the kitchen has just two small half-width upper cabinets, with the rest all beneath the counter and easily accessible to little hands. What we've tried to do in every room is reorganize so that the dangerous/breakable stuff is all together and those cabinets and drawers are locked, while leaving as many as possible open to exploration.

In the bathroom and nightstands we have drawers designated to each member of the family. This way when we redirect ds (15 months old) away from Mama's or Papa's drawer we can steer him toward his own designated drawer in the same place. Not just one that is open but one that we actually view him as having ownership of. We try to fill his drawers with real-life objects similar to those in our drawers. For example, combs and hairbrushes, packets of kleenex, make-up brushes, a pocket safety mirror, a toothbrush, a soap dispenser filled with water, etc. in the bathroom, and a wallet with business cards and photos, an old set of keys, a pair of headphones, a small flashlight, etc. in the nightstand. I try to add new items every few days to keep him interested and this also seems to keep him from feeling deprived by not having access to our drawers. We can tell that ds feels ownership over his drawers/cabinets too because he often carries objects from one part of the house to another to "put them away" in his special spaces.

[mamaduck]

I would have thought that it would be good developmentally to begin learning about off limits areas instead of being raised thinking that everything is fair game 100% of the time. Is it too early for that kind of teaching?

Certain parenting "techniques" suggest setting up scenerios where you practice the opportunity to tell your toddler "no" just so that they learn to obey. Ie. -- setting something tempting in plain sight and "training" your child to leave it alone on command. (I'm not saying that you are doing this exactly, but I think what you are trying to do is conceptually close.)

This strategy has always struck me as distorted. What it means, is that the parent believes that what s/he has to teach the child is more important than what the child's nature is directing them to learn about just then. But I have found that a child's nature is pretty smart, and that in the long run, its way more effective to teach what they are "primed" to learn. A toddler is "primed" to learn about visual spacial relationships, and object permanance. The best way to do that is to explore drawers, boxes, etc. Go with that, and you are facilitating the development of your child's intelligence. Try to over-ride it, and you may have a submissive child, but you won't know what skills might have developed otherwise.

Later on, children go through a phase where they are really ready to learn all about rules! Trust me -- at about age 4-7, rules become an over-riding concern. Children are not like puppies, who need to be trained with simple rules from day one. Children grow and change, and gain maturity, and are provided plenty of time for learning everything they need to know.

Also, it seems unfair to me.... to create a situation that is painfully tempting to a child. The best way IMO, to teach a child to do well is to "set them up to succeed." I like Deva's idea of teaching him to handle the things right there, respectfully, and then to leave them there and not carry them around the house.

There are so many things in the world that are truly "off limits." There will be no shortage of opportunities to work with and teach this concept. Why not eliminate the ones that don't really need to exist, especially in your child's primary comfort zone?

Personally, I think its easier to respect a rule when you understand that its very serious and that your parents have good reason for making it. By age 2 or 3, he is going to be testing every limit to an extreme. You'll be glad if there are only a few limits that are really serious -- like holding a hand to cross the street, or not touching dog poop!

[mountainsun]

I'd suggest having a different rule. Instead of him not being allowed in there, he IS allowed to look in that drawer only while Mom or Dad are there with him.

I agree with this....when ds1 showed interest in a trinket box I have on my dresser, I took it down, and we went through it together. He had so much fun, and then we picked up it's contents, and put them away and the box went back up on the dresser (out of ds's reach). Now, every now and again, he will ask to look in the box, and we do so together. He totally respected that - and the temptation was gone. We, too, have made everything within our boys reach "kid-friendly." I, too, think there will be plenty of opportunity to really make dangerous things off limits, Daddy's drawers not being one of them - because you KNOW he will get into it someday.....

JMHO Good luck!

[LoveMyJonah]

Originally Posted by hellyaellen

mine just turned 1 and we do a lot of picking him up and setting him down with something else he CAN play with. i just realized a couple of days ago that SHUTTING the door to the rooms i don't want him to go into solves some problems. it is a lot of work at this age to you though for getting a good start

This is us too... DS is turning 14 months this week and is into everything. His two biggest things that I do stop him from doing are 1. Eating the dog food. and 2. going near the dog's bed.
You have to weigh the pros and cons. If you were to empty that drawer and let DS play with it, he'd probably be bored with it in ten minutes. If I were to let my ds near the dog bed while the dog was sleeping, he may get bitten (not on purpose, but because we have an older dog and he's sleeping). If he were to eat the dog food(and aparently, it doesn't taste nasty to him) he may get sick.
My husband was all about DS not going into the dining room because that's where the dog food and dog bed is. But if he's in there minding his own business, I let it go. Pick your battles! And good luck