Husband wont budge on Circumcision - Page 2

[kxsiven]

Have you read this? ;

http://www.stopcirc.com/vincent/vuln...ty_of_men.html

Also. Does your husband know the facts? Locker room myths are long gone since only 1/2 of American boys are circumcised anyway - and circ rates are dropping every year. By the time your son goes nude in locker rooms, foreskins are normal sight in USA.

In the end the ball is on your corner, you make it clear in hospital that you are not going to give permission to cut.

[myfairbabies]

I would rather give birth in a hospital (ick!) and leave my son intact, than anywhere else and have him circumcised. Likely, though, it wouldn't matter if you let him decide on everything else, sounds like he will still want your son cut. I would try to get him to watch a video, read articles, and if nothing worked, I would put my foot down. Nobody will take my son away from me to hurt him. I would make it very clear to my doctors (any that dh might try to take your son to) that if he is circumcised, I will sue. Goodluck

[darsmama]

Originally Posted by pdx.mothernurture

You're duty is to protect your child, and put his health, safety, and well-being above you're husband's superficial, selfish desires or baseless fears. If he won't discuss it and is not open to research or reason, he doesn't deserve to have any say in the decision at all, because that's simply not responsible or loving parenting.

You're child's genital integrity is his birthright, just like his arms, legs, fingers, toes, eyes, ears, earlobes, nose...Amputative, cosmetic surgery on a non-consenting minor without a medical indication is a violation of his basic human rights. It need not even be put on the table for discussion. As our dear Frank always says, our children's genitals are not a bargaining chip.

Do you see circumcision as unnecessary, painful, and damaging? Is it an abuse...of his human rights, and your authority as parents? If so, can you imagine another situation where you would allow your child to be irreversibly harmed in order to preserve a romantic relationship?

Consider how you will feel if you allow this to happen, by supressing your protective maternal instincts and allowing him to do this to your son merely because they are the same gender. Realistically, who's going to be changing the dressing on his wounds? Who's going to be changing the majority of diapers and giving most of the baths? Who's going to be faced with seeing his surgically altered, exposed penis every single day, multiple times per day, for at least the first few years of you're son's life? You.

The guilt and resentment giving in to his demands and failing to protect your child may breed will likely have a far more negative effect on your relationship than putting your foot down and saying "No." to cosmetic, genital reduction surgery on your healthy baby boy.

Please don't assume that you're signature will necessarily be required for him to have it done. Some men will go behind their partner's back and have a circumcision performed against her wishes. It has happened. If you refuse, and he's still adamant and threatening to do it anyway you will have to be dilligent in keeping your son with you at all times and might wisely consider a protective order or some other sort of legal action (contact arclaw.org) to restrain him from having it done without your consent.

It's ideal of course to reach a mutual conclusion of protecting your son from unnecessary pain, loss, and harm by keeping his body and choices intact. However, if this becomes impossible I implore you to protect your son at all costs, no matter what. He's depending on you, and sacrificing his foreskin to maintain your marriage is not a reasonable or ethical price; it doesn't belong to either of you.

Please also read through the circumcision regret thread.

Positive thoughts, courage, and perseverance to you...

Jen

ITA

If your husband wanted to drive around town with your baby out of a carseat, you would put your foot down and do what you had to to protect your child.
You must do what you need to, to protect your child.
I have been with an intact man for over 8 years. I wouldn't have his penis any other way. He never recieved any complaints, any teasing, and he was born in Idaho in 1965!
The funny thing I think that men don't realize is that the penis grows 'into' the foreskin. Your little baby boys penis isn't ALWAYS going to look like it does when he is born. By the time he is a man, it will be just a little bit more skin that when he is erect, retracts and glides but isn't a 'hood' by any means.
That skin has sooo much feeling, and pleasure that my dh wonders why anyone wouldn't want to have their foreskin! I think if a baby had the choice, it would be a most definite "NO", don't put me through a painful procedure that takes away something that I'll eventually use and enjoy.
You will be so tired and shocked, and maybe on a birth high after birth that you might 'gift' your husband with the 'choice' of circ'ing your son, this isn't your gift to give. PLEASE, PLEASE, protect your child while you still have time, the means, and are not overly horomonal.

Best wishes mama,


Katie

[Mary-Beth]

The place to have your baby needs to be a place you feel most comfortable becasue your the one who will be in labor and have to deal with the intensity of labor...where you are and who is with you will make a huge difference. It isn't about leaving your partner out...there will be plenty of diapers to change, baths to give, etc. It's the same line that some parents use to bottle feed over nursing...as not to leave out the Dad. There is plenty a Dad can do to care for and be a part of his child's life. Same goes now with the issue of to cut or not...It would be great if you can get your partner on borad with this decision. Do what you can to that end. Show him how you can take a stand too. In the end though if he is not on board, it's really up to you to stand up for your child.

[FancyPants]

Originally Posted by phatchristy

For him to say that shows an utter disrespect for your natural instincts in protecting your child. Vincent Bach did a nice paper on circumcised men when they have sons "the vulnerability of men."

My husband was the one who did the research on circ. I had no idea and no opinions having been raised in an all girl family. By the time DH had researched it he said he was angry at his parents for having done this to him.
At the time I was quite surprised by his emotion.

DH said that if ds1 wanted to get circed as an adult ds1 would have that choice still available to him.

[Hayes]

Sorry.
In our house, if you don't do the research, you don't get a vote.

[jessjgh1]

Wife wont budge on intactness

(It could be as easy as that)

Wife and baby won't budge on intactness

(Because as a siggie once said 10 out of 10 babies oppose circumcision)


I know it's not easy, but you have as much of a right to put your foot down on this one as your husband does. Let us know what questions come up and if you need any help. Review the 'regrets' thread, when you need a boost to keep fighting.

s:

Jessica

[Fyrestorm]

Have not finished reading this whole thread yet but...

He's a Lawyer...make him prove that your babies foreskin is guilty of something before he sentences it to death.

Also, remind him that he may be the one with the penis, but you're the one with the foreskin, so you know better. Maybe he should just leave it up to the one who has the equipment.

[rowansmomma]

Originally Posted by squintycat

I havent seen another recent thread on this and I am really emotional about my husbands absolute refusal to leave our son intact. "There is no discussion" he says. I am 22wks pregnant so there is time to figure this all out. He has already "given in" to my desire to give birth at a birthing center naturally, with a doula & midwife. He has been very understanding about everything except this. I do not want to circumcise. I cry when I think about doing that to my baby and dont think I will be able to keep my composure if I actually have to go thru with it. We fought about it, then I decided he needed to have some say in this baby and allowed him to decide whether we should cut or not. But I am so unhappy about it. I dont know what to do.
He has 3 kids from a previous marriage and the two boys are circumcised like he is. He wants them to look like him and be normal in the locker room. I have already talked about a lot of the down sided of circumcision and he wont listen, besides that he is a very good lawyer and can argue any point to death. Ugh an thoughts or ideas on ways through this? It almost makes me wish for a girl.

I haven't even read ANY replies but I want to respond. Let me tell you from personal experience. If you do NOT want to circ your baby, and you do it because your husband is adamant.......you will forever regret it. Your husband will get over "losing" this battle, but you will live with the fact that you circ'ed your son. I do. Every day. If I ever have another boy, be DAMNED what dh says...... If the child wants his penis cut when he's an adult........he can go ahead and do it then.

It was hell, I cried so much over this. Only now (after 2.5 years) am I to the point that I realize I can't take it back, why make my baby feel inadequate over a decision that I ultimately made (after all it was MINE, I'm the one who signed the papers, if I'd have been stronger I wouldn't have).

Show him as much information as you can gather, try to educate him..but if he won't budge, its YOUR decision ultimately. And you can choose to make no decision, by not cutting your baby. Let your child decide for himself when he's an adult.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by twins10705

I would leave my dh and never look back if he acted so disgusting after knowing all the facts.

Exactly. I would have left Dh had he insisted on circumcising our little guy, and he would have left me in a heartbeat for the same reason. Neither of us would sacrifice our helpless, nonconsenting, innocent son's body for any reason, much less to protect the feelings of an adult. :

~Nay

[jessjgh1]

He's a Lawyer...make him prove that your babies foreskin is guilty of something before he sentences it to death.

:

Jessica

[Lovenest]

I would have him watch the circ video and photos!
Does someone have that link, I saw it on someones signature line. If anyone thought of doing that to a little helpless baby after that.. well :Puke

PLEASE dont listen to your hubby just because he says.
You KNOW whats RIGHT for your unborn baby! If he asked you to shave your head would you? I hope not.

Please ask any and all questions as the people on this board are awesome!!

[alegna]

Put your foot down. Protect your baby. The default is intact.

-Angela

[anabellee]

we just found out our babe was a boy yesterday and the arguing is already started. i too was someone who had ds1 circ'd and regret it terribly. dh thinks that only us "weird natural living people" don't circ their kids and won't read anything by someone who could be associated with "people like us". anyone know where i can find advice by good mainstream doctors?:

[Greeneyes0506]

Tell him absolutely not. Before my DH agreed not to, I told him that there was no way it was going to happen. Your obligation to protect your son is far more important than your obligations as a wife. Don't give in just to please your DH. Its not yours or his place to determine what your son's genitals should look like. Leave him intact.

[sophiekat]

Originally Posted by anabellee

we just found out our babe was a boy yesterday and the arguing is already started. i too was someone who had ds1 circ'd and regret it terribly. dh thinks that only us "weird natural living people" don't circ their kids and won't read anything by someone who could be associated with "people like us". anyone know where i can find advice by good mainstream doctors?:

is the AAP "mainstream" enough? (wait, don't answer that : )
they do not recommend circ. hth!

[calngavinsmom]

Hiya Momma to be. I'm so sorry that your pregnancy is being clouded with this issue. Have you checked out the "Web Resources" sticky at the top of the forum? There might be some info in there that might give your dh an "aha" moment.

Realize though that it will be hard for him to accept that intact is better or even normal because of not only his status, but the status of his other sons. He probably feels the need to justify to himself that what was done to him and what he chose to do to them was "better" than the alternative(intact).

Some Mommas on here even had to stand their ground after their babes births. Most of them had dhs who eventually did come around and see that intact was nothing "scary" though. And for those whos dhs still didn't come around after birth....there is always a chance an intact grandchild might convince them : .

Stand up for your babe. He is the ONLY one you have to answer to on this.

Good luck to you,
Tara

[ColoradoMama]

Welcome. I'm sorry if what I say has already been said - I don't have the time to read through it all right now! Honestly, I think the bottom line for circumcision is - it is your son's body, so it should be his choice. As a lawyer, your husband should get that argument. Just like it is YOUR body, YOUR birth, YOUR choice, but that's a whole other story! Good luck!

[calngavinsmom]

Originally Posted by anabellee

we just found out our babe was a boy yesterday and the arguing is already started. i too was someone who had ds1 circ'd and regret it terribly. dh thinks that only us "weird natural living people" don't circ their kids and won't read anything by someone who could be associated with "people like us". anyone know where i can find advice by good mainstream doctors?:

Hi there. Check out the sticky at the top of the forum "Web Resources" There is a ton of great info in there. Also, you might want to give your dh an education on footnotes. Almost all articles even from "people like us" are referenced to "legitimate" sources and reputable medical studies.

And as far as only "weird natural living people" being the only ones who dont circ......85%+ of the world's men are intact so who's in the mainstream now?!?! BOOYAH! (Aw crap...this doesn't mean I have to be ALL of the way mainstream now does it? I've tried to hard to be "weird" )

Good luck!
Tara

[eepster]

Have you had him look into all the wound care involved with changing diapers. I know that would have done it for my DH if the simple pointing out that we didn't have any actual reason to didn't work. Remember that it's a long way for him to go from point A to point Z so help him along. I was pretty lucky that my DH started around point H and only need to get to M to let me have it my way. (hope my analogy makes sence)