ugh!

[ladylee]

just coming in for a reality check. I was recently exposed to women who are pro-spanking and it just infuriates me when they have the attitude of "my child, my choice." Do they not realize how their child goes out into the world and recreates that cycle of aggression with other kids, possibly *my* children? I think I do have a right to challenge their "choice" in that case!

[Deirdre]

Oh ladylee, I hear you!

It is so frustrating...the same with "well, I was spanked and I came out okay". I'm like "yeah, you're okay, you are now hitting your children to get them to behave" :

I generally don't get into spanking discussions with people. I have expressed our (dh and I) philosophy to a few people which is that we just don't include spanking as an option (a tool in the toolbox, so to speak) If it isn't there it "forces" us to find other ways to solve issues.

Anyway, just wanted you to know I can relate

~Deirdre

[ladylee]

Thanks Deirdre--I usually don't get into discussions either, but oh, how I want to! It really makes me angry how some people are unable to see the connection between their actions and the abundance of aggressive behavior in our society.

Ah well, anyway...

Congratulations on your pregnancy-a happy, healthy nine months and beyond to you!

[sparklemom]

hi ladylee,

just want to give you an enthusiastic "YES!" on your question.

yes, yes, and yes...i absolutely hear 'ya on that one.

you make a great point about how the spanking issue does in fact come back to affect you and your children. very good point.

taste in clothing...taste in decoration...places to vacation...these are "choices" that do not directly affect others.
spanking does affect the psychology of a person and does affect everyone with whom that person comes into contact with. there is a direct connection indeed.

[LunaMom]

I hear you!

I totally disagree with spanking, and if I find out that a friend of mine spanks her kid, I just won't get engaged in a conversation about it, because we're going to wind up angry with each other. Most of my friends are very respectful of their children, so this rarely happens, but I have had a friend or two admit to the occasional spanking. What I noticed was that, upon telling me this, the friend in question always felt the need to offer a defense (i.e., "Well, I've tried everything else, and nothing works, and I just can't have him doing X."), so it was clear that she did not feel comfortable spanking. Not only that, but it is also clear that they are then expecting me to somehow assure them that yes, spanking is justified in this instance. And I just won't do that. I won't. So I say, "You know what, this is a bad subject for us to discuss because I just don't believe in any form of physical punishment. Let's just agree to disagree and change the subject."

If a person wants my advice on alternative techniques, I'll give 'em, but not if they don't ask.

Fortunately, though, almost none of my friends spank.

[NoraB]

Long before I had children, I did not think spanking was really a bad thing. I'd been spanked heavily by my mother and step-father. Of course, I HATED them for it...but didn't really know there was any other way of discipline. When I babysat, I had parents tell me to give their kids a little "pop" on the behind or the hand. I did. I never felt good about it though. Please realize that I was very young when I was babysitting (started at 11 and did it until I was about 16).

In college, my second major was psychology. I started taking a few classes in child development and psychology of the self. I came across a few articles on spanking, and began to think long and hard about this "tool" of discipline. After a lot of careful thought, I realized that spanking could never be a good way to discipline one's child. That one realization spurred me on to discover AP and GD.

Now that I do have a child, I understand how some ppl can become so frustrated while disciplining their children. I think that, b/c they don't know any other way, they spank. Sometimes, I think ppl refuse to learn new ways of disciplining for whatever reason. Maybe they're afraid to accept responsiblity for their actions. Maybe they still have anger inside them from when they were children, and now they're the adults "with all the power." I don't know.

I do not hide the fact that I do not now, nor will I ever, spank my children. I try to take every opportunity to demonstrate gentle discipline techniques to others around me (especially the 1 friend I know who does spank her children). However, I don't tell ppl directly that I think their spanking their children is wrong. I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I wonder sometimes if that makes me weak.