Husbands.................and switching for greater good

[solidcitizqueen]

Ok, I can't be the only woman here who's hubby is absolutely resistant and ignorant to obvious health-conscious issues, can I????
First, he actually believes AND fights me on organic produce (and food in general), saying you just have to wash them well. Hellloooooooooo? Is there not POISON in the soil that "nourished" the seed that grew to be what you're putting in your mouth?
Anyway, moving on.....................I toss the Clorox cleaners, and he buys new ones. I finally got him to accept me making the laundry soap, as it got his workout shirts de-funked (they'd stink even after washing 2 times). I use natural body products and makeup, etc.
He will support MY food choices, but not the entire household. The kids eat at school, and are too inconsistant (and teenagers) too discipline themselves to walk the line. He is just flat out resistant.
How have you ladies converted the hubbies??? If I send him things to read, he ignores them. If CNBC says it's hoaxie, he believes it. UGH!

[celestialdreamer]

It takes time for some I think. My DH used to roll his eyes, tell me the preservatives made it taste better, etc I think the biggest thing he noticed was after I had been cleaning with vinegar/baking soda/essential oils for over a year and went back for a short time (pregnancy induced obsessive cleaning earlier this year to the regular stuff. He complained about how it smelled so bad and made his eyes burn. Now I'm back to using the natural stuff and he will just say "oh it smells clean in here" and is very happy with it. He even has switched to natural deodorant after fighting with me about it for years. He no longer is constantly scratching his armpits because of allergic reactions He's on-board with this lifestyle change because he's noticed the difference in himself and sees how healthy our kids are. Give it time!

[kewb]

My dh does not fight me on the household cleaners or food purchases or any natural stuff I do for myself any more. He has been resistant to change in himself. Although he is starting to come around.

[kellid]

we are married to the same guy. it's just not worth the fight. the only reason he know about half the stuff i do is because i tell him. my mistake . i just let him buy his cleaning products and it's just a waste of money, but also a waste of my breath because it goes nowhere. the good thing is he doesn't clean, or do anything. the only way he has a say is if he does it himself. i don't agree with cleaning with that crap now that i know a better way, but he's not going to clean, so i don't have to worry about it, and if he does clean, well...........i'm just happy he cleaned. i've been cloth tping for a couple of weeks now and he has no clue. can you believe it. i used to tell him things because i got so darned excited to tell someone, and since he's the only consistant adult in my life, but now i don't. like i said, just not worth it. now i tell you ladies (and gentlemen) when i'm excited, because the response is soooooooooooooo much better.

[emdeecee_sierra]

I often feel I'm dragging mine, kicking and screaming, along with me; but eventually he sees the light. But then he'll slip back into the 'old ways'.

I stopped using laundry detergent (had one of those 'laundry discs' which worked wonders). DH went about 50/50 detergent and disc eventually. But still insisted on using dryer sheets (UUUGGGG! soooooooo stinky, that perfume!!). New house, different washer, etc., but he is completely on-board with drying out on the line!!!! Someday he'll believe me that the static problem will go away with vinegar rinse.... It took a lot of evidence for him to finally admit that the sun can make things bright and white and that clorox isn't a necessity of life.

He won't buy real ice cream, the kinds made with cream, milk, fruit. HAS to have it packed full of unpronounceable chemicals because it just doesn't taste right to him unless the chemicals are there . I bought an ice cream maker in an attempt to make our own, but the one time I tried it it was such an utter pain to make despite it being electric (maybe I'll try a new brand some other time; that one went to charity a few weeks ago) plus DH didn't like the taste.

Just the other night DH did something that has been really really bugging me. He brought home a take-n-bake pizza from the grocery store (their house kind, not from a box). A DC was refusing to eat the pepperoni (sidenote, same DC was one day from having a stomach upset/bug causing vomiting, etc., I'd spent days ensuring very mild foods...) and DH insisted that the pepperoni be eaten, saying, "It really bugs me that you won't eat the stuff that is good for you, but will still eat the stuff that isn't as good for you and doesn't matter like the bread part." I didn't say anything at the time (just cringed). Later as I was cleaning up the kitchen I happened to notice the ingredients list on the pizza tag... O. M. G. None of it was 'good for you'- the pepperoni was a chemistry set and by far the most frightening part of the mess. His comment to DC has been haunting me since. I know he's in the paradigm of "meat = growth", but it will be a while before he embraces that most of what passes for "meat" in our society is far from healthful. Or that fruits and vegetables can help a child grow *sigh*.

Cleaning solutions- he will still go buy windex or the like instead of using soap and water and vinegar or the like.

Organic foods he'll grumble a bit about sometimes. My biggest problem is convincing him that just because people don't immediately keel over and die the moment a certain "food" or additive passes their lips doesn't mean it is perfectly ok to eat. Or that 'they wouldn't sell it if it was bad for you'.

Yes, I think it takes time for some. Always better when they see the irrefutable evidence, even though sometimes even that has to be repetitive.

[solidcitizqueen]

Thanks for all the support, girls! I was just feeling really alone around here, and it's nice to know that I'm not! I keep falling into the general household eating habits (except organic dairy and produce and grains), because he controls the budget, and sometimes I just don't have a choice. We eat out, and I cave in to that aspect. I wish I were an SAHM, but I'm not. I work for him for free (but he pays all the bills), and work 2 days a week at a salon, for the extras (like the groomer, the tanning that I do 1/2 hour a week, and my Whole Foods habit that needs supporting). I got him to use the crystal rock deo while we were at a resort and he'd forgotten his deo. Lo' and behold, it worked as I said it would..........and he is a pig-sweat kind of guy. He sweats while he eats! He played mini golf w/ us in the summer heat, and the crystal rock worked. Did he convert? NO! He thinks he needs an anti-perspirant, which is the WORST. It scares me. The only "natural" things I can get him to use are peroxide for whitening his teeth (but he uses A&H toothpaste AND Listerine). The kids and I use Spry for everything dental, as well as peroxide. Oh, and he switched from Tylenol PM to Melatonin.
The only chemical cleaner I use and keep around is Simple Green (pink or purple flavors). Other than that, it's Palmolive for dishes (ylangylang is yummy). BS and ACV are my best buds, and I make my own laundry soap. I use all natural body care stuff (but am still using up the last of the sulfate stuff so as not to waste by tossing). I make my own laveder hair spritzer. I use mineral makeup. I use Juice Beauty for my skin, in addition to BS and Organic Honey, and love an oil blend or shea for moisturizer anywhere I need it.
I used to make my own soap, and would love to again, but it would only be feasible if I were a SAHM. Maybe after this year is over, and things quiet down a bit, and we're caught up on things, I can do more converting. I want to make my own bread and such.
I loooooooooooooooove using cloth tp now, and so does DD. We both use menstrual cups now too. I make my glass cleaner.
I got him to try organic brown rice instead of nasty white rice. He said he didn't like "chewy rice" and would not be buying it again.
He takes allllllllllllll kinds of vitamins and stuff. It just doesn't make sense!
Anyway, I'm ranting and rambling!

Thanks again!!!!! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE MDC!

[mgilleran@earth-co]

My husband doe snone of the shopping, so that eliminates him voicing his opinion about what I buy. He did think it was weird when I started switching (especially when he saw me stirring homemade soap on the stove!) but he accepts my decisions & assumes that I know what I am talking about. I am very lucky that he doesn't have any power or control issues. I see a lot of friends deal with that. Have you had him read a book, or even let him look online at some of the info on household chemicals & additives. I convinced DH that maybe some of the info is stretching things a little too far, but why not take the precaution just in case. What if we are saving our DDs from cancer by no-pooing. Isn't it at least worth a try. He doesn't no-poo, so I bought him a no-sulfate natural shampoo at a health food store. We just had a dear friend battle breast cancer, so that has helped him see my point of view. Try getting him to imagine if one of your DC were ill. Wouldn't he want to do everything in his power to make sure that never happens? Tug at his heartstrings! Best Wishes!!!

[MonP'titBoudain]

My DH just thinks I'm a little eccentric! He seems to think that if he just goes along for the ride, this too will pass! At first he was a little resistant in general. He was balking at the cost of organic foods (as am I, but I'm willing to do it) and I don't think he's really on board with all natural body-care products (for himself) but both my mother and his father have been recently diagnosed with CLL (chronic lymphocytic leukemia) with no family histories of any kinds of cancers. So, I think that it is bringing home the reality of how the crap we put into our bodies affects us. Now he just lets me do my thing as far as it concerns food (he never shops or cooks anyway) and cleaning (ditto) and mine and ds' bodies.

[solidcitizqueen]

My husband has control issues, as well as ignorance issues (God love him), and wouldn't dare actuall READ any info I have for him, as it would most certainly prove him wrong. I thought that after having his mother in recovery from breast cancer, an 11 year old niece w/ brain cancer, and a nephew born w/ Noonan's Syndrome, he MIGHT allow some light to be shed on him. Considering that my kids are healthy, cavity-free, an academic scholars, I must have been doing something right for this long. We are newlyweds (5 months), and he was a bachelor for 44 years. I just think old habits are dying a slow and painful stubborn death. My kids are so used to "we're gonna try doing THIS now" and a bit more conscious about health (w/ exception to foods, and they want to junk out), they don't think a second thought about chemicals at home. If I have access to money for shopping, I have to sneak products in. If he had a clue that I spent $13 on a bar soap that he shaves with, he'd FLIP out! Nevermind all the savings I've had in making our laundry soap and switching to acv/bs for nearly everything I can, or the fact that I'm no longer a salon hair product junkie. My kids gave me the "raised brow" look when I told them that I'll be switching them to a bar shampoo, but they didn't fight it. I think my son will LOVE it once he uses it, but the daughter will need to get used to it over time.
Whomever started this forum is a Godsend, and doesn't even know it. I read up on here late at night, so I don't feel like a lost ship at sea!

[*Jessica*]

I can't ignore it any more......

Every time I read your thread title I think you're wanting to switch your husband for another one!

[solidcitizqueen]

LOL! No, I call him my "mail order man". We met on the net. I just wish his "wiring" was not faulty sometimes! I couldn't trade him in anyway.............no one else would have him! LOL! He's a good guy, but very closed-minded, reformed bachelor (work in progress), and behind the times in health and life.

[kyndmamaof4]

Can I ask you a question? Why don't you have money for you? Do you have to ask for money? I SAH, and DH makes the only money, and you know what happens? DH cashes his paycheck, get's a 6-pack of beer, comes home and we (meaning mostly I ) figure iut the bills, then extras-shoes, clothes, school money...things for the kids-then we figure out what we want/need, then whatever is left we split that's just how we do things. It works well for us. I must say that in the friends and couples we have known, the ones that have money/control issues...the "what's mine is mine "way of thinking, they have always split up. He does have moments where he is like "I worked six days last week, and this is all the money I get for me?" But then I remind him of the "new carseat" for example that we just got DS, that was worth it. So he has to make his lunch instead of eating out? OOOOOOOO big friggin' deal !!! He got over it in like 15 mins then went on talking to ds about how more comfortable the Britax was than the cheapie one he was in. (he is tiny with no hiney so he needed padding ) So if it is for the greater good, we go with out other wise we spend our "pocket money" how ever we choose. When DH needs money later in the week, I give it up, because What's mine is ours, ans vice versa. We have been together 8 years, we have 4 children, we have been homeless, and lived on a beach(I was pregnant with #1) We have been together for each other in the good and the bad. Even a 6 year itch...we were faithful, but we defineatly had questions if we wanted to stay togehter, eventually it all passes, and now 4 kids later, we are pretty happy

I think that you need to be paid a fair wage, and have your own money, and contribute to the bills, and the rest should be shared equally. If you don't get this sorted out now, It will only cause you sorrow: You shouldn't need permissinon to be an equal in the relationship. Are you not his partner? I think I might find a job outside of working for him...If you quit working for him now, It might just save your relationship. I am sure I don't know all the facts, and I am not trying to offend you at all, I am a strong empowered woman, I SAH, because it is best for my children, not because I have to. I guess I am a feminist, but I love to make my husband a plate of dinner, but he would do the same for me if I asked. YKWIM?

That's just my .02 cents take it for what it's worth.

Kaara

[solidcitizqueen]

Putting my business out........................I work 2 days in a salon to pay for my 3 credit cards (was 6, down to 3, and counting down), the groomer, and the tanning I do 30 minutes a week (I like to be out w/ my kids and have done the "fried skin thing", so after weighing things out, I found that keeping a little color on my skin year round enables me to be out in the water and stuff w/ them w/out getting burned). HIS idea is if I work for him, it keeps him from paying someone else (yeah, and I'm a dummy), which keeps more money in the house. Up until 2 months ago, I was commuting between TX and CA week on/off and giving him $1K a month towards bills. After doing that for 18 months, I decided my kids were more important (as was my health), and stopped. Now, I have no "value" and we're in counseling. I appreciate the input and perspective, because I was thinking I was crazy for a moment (before counseling). My commute kept me from making friends here in TX, therefor I'm online w/ friends now! I'm building friendships now, since the commute stopped. Other women spoke their minds like you did, which gave me the inspiration to get counseling. He is a financial advisor, obsessed w/ money, and was a selfish bachelor for 44 years. It's a lot to overcome. He's a good guy when it's good. The bad is just ugly though! One day at a time. I've threatened to get a graveyard job (to allow me to be available still to the kids and domestic duties), and he says I'm too good for it (but not too good to work for him for free??). I've explained the "togetherness" in marriage to him. He's learning through counseling. He's a little slow about life, and deemed "immature" by our counselor. There's hope, and I love him and pray for him!
So, this list is my retreat!!!!!
Thanks for the input, sincerely!!!!

[kyndmamaof4]

Well, I am glad to hear that you can take what I said and get something out of it: It sounds like the counciling is a good idea I hope you guys stick with it, and get oodles out of it. I truly am a glass 1/2 full kinda girl, and I beleive that yall can make a go of it, and I'm sure 44 yo habits are hard to break, but I hear gentile persuasion works well

Good luck, Kaara