when did goody bags come to be standard?

[whateverdidiwants]

When I was child there were no such things as goody bags (I'm almost 29) at birthday parties. You either went to someone's house and played tag/pin the tail on the donkey/kickball out in the backyard or went to the skating rink or pool. There was always a cake and some snacky stuff, and at the end of the party you maybe had a little junky toy that came from out of the pinata to take home with you.

Now, from what I gather, the party-givers are expected to give goody bags to all the kids who attend the party. Am I just a grinch, or does anyone else hate this? Where and when did this custom arise anyways? Is it left over from the era of "poor little Suzy Q is going to be upset if the birthday girl gets presents and she doesn't" and so the goody bag is used to make everyone feel special? IME, to many kids seem to expect that every time they go somewhere, every time they behave well, that they are entitled to some kind of treat. It drives me bonkers.

My dd's birthday is coming up and we'll be having a small party. I'm not worried about the goody bag issue this year since there will only be 2 other kids there, and only 1 of them is even cognizant of such things. In the future, though, am I going to make my daughter a social outcast because no one will want to come to her birthday parties because there are no goody bags? How has everyone else dealt with the issue?

[Clarity]

My 1yo and a 1mo foster baby got goody bags, that had a book, a toy and a bottle/sippy, and maybe some other stuff. Probably from the dollar store, but still!! I've seen goody bags from my childhood...they were little paper sacks, with like toys from cracker jack boxes!

I would just not do it. Period. Pretend ignorance to the whole custom? Maybe compromise and give one "souvenir" type item once your children are preschool age and older?

[darlindeliasmom]

I think that they've been in vogue ever since b-day parties turned onto "themed" events...with all the marketing that surrounds that. But I remember as a child getting goodies...and I'm 45!! Moostly, tho' they were more like the [arty favors you see at showers and the like. Plus we would play games like peanut rolls or carrying pennies on the tops of our shiny patent leather shoes (I went to b-day parties as a little girl in ruffley dresses, anklets, and polished shoes. I AM OLD!!!). We would have some container to carry the peanuts and pennies home in...

That said, do whatever feels right to you...DD is in kindergarten, and we had a small party for 6 friends (the age she is) at home. EVERY other party from school has been all 18 kids at some big place. Lots of money, lots of goodies, too much stimulation!!
We do goodie bags, but keep it simple, and DD always picks some absurd theme. (This yr it was snow; I think her original plan was to put snowballs in the goodie bags!). Really, I'm talking snowflake pencil, some Hershey's kisses, some snowflake and snowman stickers...

I think the party should be enough--2 hours of fun with your friends.

[HollyBearsMom]

Just my 2 cents but if everyone in the class gives out goodies bags and you don't your child will feel the repercussions. However, that is not reason enough to hand them out. You just will need to be prepared on how to discuss it with her IF it does, as you would with any teasing. Kids can be cruel about the smallest things.

Case in point, my friend just celebrated her daughters first birthday with just family but it was still a party complete with balloons, party hats and a cake. The 2 cousins age 4 and 6 kept asking where the goodie bags were and even said "boy, what a bummer, every party we go has them!" when she explained she didn't have any. They then went to their mother to complain that my friend was just plain mean. Now good or bad manners aside kids do notice these things and in their minds Birthday Parties=Goodie Bags. They didn't know any different.

[mirlee]

Sam celebrated his birthday at daycare. The birthday parties always include pizza and most now give goodie bags or some cookie or cupcake to go along for an after nap treat. The kids also tend to have character plates.

Sam's party had character plates, hats and napkins. We ordered pizza for the class and baked sugar cookies. It was a huge hit.

I think it is important to match what the other parents do. Not just because the kids expect it, but also so that I am not looked on as a cheapskate by the parents who have done all those things.

[mshollyk]

i've done it under pressure, but i don't like it. my ds has all this junk laying around the house that he's acquired from these goody bags. i usually end up throwing the stuff away when he's asleep...

not only that, but they are often filled with candy that we don't eat because of the gelatin in it (we're vegetarians). and some of them are exclusively candy...YUCK.

i also don't remember getting goody bags when i was a kid. but maybe i didn't go to that many parties :

[LunaMom]

I'm 32, and I do remember goody bags from when I was a child. What I have noticed, though, is some people spend way too much on goody bags! Don't get me wrong, it's very generous of them, but my dd has one friend whose parents give little personalized plastic cases filled with hair bows or whatever, and it's like very kid goes home with a gift. I just don't think it's necessary, and I'm glad ALL of dd's friend's parents don't do this!

One good idea for children as they get older is this - do a craft as an activity at the party, so each child gets to take home what he or she made. This past year my dd had her party at a bakery and each child made a whole tray of cookies which were then packaged up for them to take home.

[lilyka]

I love the goody bags. Not so much getting them but giving them. we usually load a paper bag with bubbles, gum and candy, stickers and balloons. Dd decorates the bags and writes thankyous on them. great fun. It is a good way to help her relize that it was very nice of these people to even show up much less bring a gift so this is our way of saying thank you. If you don't want what is in them say thank you and throw it away when you get home. I remember getting these when I was a kid and it was so fun. we usually keep the cost under $2 per bag. At the last big bash we threw ( big meaning 6 kids plus siblings ) kids also took home an apron they decorated. I probably could have skipped the goody bag but we love them too much. We got one once that had nail polsh and lipstic (nasty childrens stuff) and that was really annoying but some parents had complained to her the year before about candy : so she didn't know what to put in them.

I say if you are uncomfortable about it then don't do but is nice to leave with some token of the party. Perhaps you could get a poleroid and send home pictures with everyone.

[MamaOui]

I am 29 and I remember goody bags. They usually had candy in them. Ds#1 just turned 3, so we had a small party the last two years w/ cousins and a friend. We let each child take home a balloon and we give goody bags with a Hotwheel car (99 cents) a notepad (buy a pack of little ones), a washable stamp, bubbles, plah-doh, or stickers (stuff like that). Each bag costs like 3 bucks and they love them.

I think it is hard for a 2, 3, 4... year old to watch one person sit there and open up a bunch of presents and after they are opened, some birthday boys/girls don't even want to share their new gifts. A simple goody bag keeps them all on equal footing and gives the guests something fun to focus on. I think it is important to honor the birthday boy/girl, but young kids feel left out if they just sit and watch one kid have all the glory. I also tell my son it is our way of thanking our guests for coming.

[KimberMama]

I'm not thrilled with the idea, but I do them anyway. I don't object to the idea, just the junk. I hate the cheap plastic toys and the hard candies and gum (that my children will choke on). For DS#1's party this year we gave each child (there were 6 in attendance) a cellophane bag with a Rainbow Fish book (It was a Rainbow Fish party) and kazoos. I spent about $3 per kid. For DS#2's party I gave each child a bicycle water bottle filled with a metal whistle, a bag of M&Ms, and Dum-Dum suckers (DH's contribution). I wrote each child's name and decorated each bottle with paint markers. I still spent around $3 per kid, but I did 32 of them!(the party was bicycle parade-themed).

Kimberly

[ShannonCC]

We had goody bags when I was a kid (I'm 33).

Maybe this is because the older I get the less I care what others do. Maybe it's because we homeschool and don't have the peer pressure. Maybe it's because my kid isn't "old" yet. All I know is neither my dd or I care what other people do for birthdays. I don't feel obligated to do what they do. We went to a birthday once that was out of this world! The mom (a GREAT friend of mine!) had rented an inflatable space ship, invited something like 50 people, had it catered and had a big craft table set up for the kids in addition to the pinata and goody bags.

When my dd's birthday rolled around we had a party for her little friends. We only invited 4 kids (2 moms). We had a cake, themed plates and hats & stuff (Barbie Princess - go ahead and laugh ), small goody bags and . . . um . . that's it! And everyone had a ball at both parties

I enjoyed making the goody bags but I do not consider them mandatory. I also don't think that her friends (or the moms) would even notice if we didn't have them. I stay away from candy because my dd and one of her friends both have sugar issues. I like stuff like playdough (from the dollar store), stickers and notepads that get used up.

My dd is already talking about her b-day (6 months away!). She wants a pizza party

[Irishmommy]

2 birthdays ago I stole an idea from a friend, and instead of goody bags, I bought hula hoops, so each child got a hula hoop and a little bag of candy. A better use of my money, and more useful for the kids too.

[LambQueen]

I am 30, and I definitely remember goody bags. But we called them loot bags. How very un-P.C.!

They ranged from brown lunch bags to plastic bags that were made specifically for such an event.

For my 30th b-day I gave out goody bags to my friends joining me for a Sunday lunch. I just found stuff around the house (extra fun soaps, magic markers, super balls) and they loved it. It's a lot of fun.

But it shouldn't be a necessary thing. A craft project at a party is a great idea.

Sometimes kids get so many gifts, I think it's great to say to your child that you'll donate a few gifts to a local women's and children's shelter.

[oncewerewise]

For my dd's last bday (4), we gave out gift bags. I bought these craft kits from the dollar store that were $2 each. Some were make a windchime, some were rocketships, some were less involved. I also bought tambourines for the under 2 set. (We had 14 kids ranging from 2 months to 12. The 2 month old is my nephew and his bag had a turtle sleeper in it -- not really a goody bag gift, I would have bought it for him anyway cause it was just so cute.)

My dd likes to make the gift bags, she puts each child's name on it and decorates it. I don't like sending home a lot of candy although this year my mother did buy a bunch of loose candy from the bulk store and little happy face cellophane bags. My dd put those together too counting out the candies so each child got the same ones (she washed her hands first!).

I thought about skipping the goody bag thing but I think it's kind of fun. I also like to do an activity that the child can take home or that we can give them later. For example, last year, each child decorated a frame (we cut them out of bristol board) with paint and felt pieces. We made sure to take a picture of each child during the course of the party. When we got the pictures back, we glued them to the frame and put sticky magnet on the back and wrote a thank you note on the back. I always write on the card who gave what and send a personalized note. Then we gave them back to everyone. I think it's nice to have a reminder.

Having said that, if we start early enough next year, I'd like my dd and I to make something for their goody bags. I don't like sending home stuff that gets thrown out or broken within a week. Mainly because I don't like having to bring that stuff home.

My dd also doesn't expect anything except cake and a good time when we go to someone else's party. I don't think she would mind at all going to a party and not getting a goody bag. But, if she went to a bday party without cake, I think she would remember that! LOL

I think you're fine not giving them out. And, if it does go over badly one year, you can always do it the next if it matters to your daughter.

Peace.

[Mallory]

AT ds's 3 year party, we invited two other kids. Ds picked out 1 hotwheel a piece as a gift for them, I think he liked to have something to give them in return. That was all we gave out, not really goody bags, but also not just junk or candy, just a little gift to thank them for coming to celebrate with us.

[Sofiamomma]

I'm also 33 and do remember goody bags and party favors. More the party favors, though, and not every time. Now, though, dd1 does get a goody bag or little something when she goes to parties. I think it may be regional, though. She got one every time out east, but here in the midwest, maybe twice now. One time it was a dress up tea party and they all got their picture taken with the hostess/birthday girl (Polaroid) then decorated a little frame to put it in.

I agree that they are a nice way to say thank you. We've gotten thank you cards in goody bags before. I thought it was a nice touch. That said, I really dislike trying to figure out what to do with all the little plastic junk that comes in so many of them. One year we made little wooden finger puppets and the kids took theirs home. Two birds with one stone, an activity and a party favor. Another year, she had her party at the Rainforest cafe and I bought t-shirts in bulk for each kid. They were about $5 apiece and it was something useful. This past year it was just she and her cousin and we did a Magic Schoolbus theme. The party activity was science experiments and my sister made up little goody bags for the girls with safety goggles, a scale, and thermometer. They were a big hit!

[Jillby]

I agree about the craft ideas. for my dds 4th bday the kids(of different ages) made placemats out of construction paper,cutout pictures from magazines and clear contact paper.They ate their cake on them and took them home after.

[LoveBeads]

I am 37 and remember goody bags - maybe it was a regional thing?. Interestingly, I also made a comment to a friend that my dd has never had candy and she asked "how do you avoid it at birthday parties"? I told her that we have never even seen candy at a birthday party, let alone gotten it in a goody bag (my dd is 3 by the way and has been to at least 15 birthday parties, maybe more!). Maybe it does have something to do with the culture of the area in which you live.

Anyway, I do give out goody bags but (as mentioned) I never put candy in them. We usually give stickers, a book, bubbles, a slinky, playdough, etc. (not ALL of that, just one or maybe two items).

I wouldn't give them out if they contained those junky little plastic toys or candy, I hate that kind of thing.

[GruppieGirl]

I'm 28 and I remember goodie bags. My Mom and I used to take brown lunch bags and deccorate them the night before. It was a great art project!

In my own dd's goodie bags I put in things like fruit leather, playdough, crayons, stickers and little notebooks. Her last party had an art theme, so we planned the bags accordingly.

[journeymom]

Oh wow, I'm in the minority here. We did goody bags a couple of times for dd's b-day parties, but not the last two times. It bugs the hell out of me, and really seems to add to the growing atmosphere of consumerism in the US. I didn't make goody bags for ds's 3ed birthday party and yes, a couple of little cousins asked their mom where their goody bags were when it was time to go home. To my sil's credit, she simply explained, "There aren't any goody bags this time, Honey. You don't always get something when you go to a party." She's the queen of themed kiddie parties. Every kid gets a goody bag at her parties, even the babies. It's a little absured. Honestly, I do not want my child getting yet another handful of candy and little cheap trinkets.

I'm really surprised at the number of respondents here who will do something they don't approve of simply to fit in or avoid repercussions. In dd's class the kids' moms all brought cupcakes to class for their b-days. Some even brought goody bags for all their class mates. I did not do either for dd. (She's 8 y.o., in 2nd grade.) She did ask me about it and I explained we just weren't going to do that, it isn't necessary. In all honesty, I'd planned for us to make cookies together for her to share with her classmates, but ran out of time. And I wasn't going to run out and buy icky grocery store cupcakes to make up for it. (I shouldn't say they're icky. I love them. They're just so decadent and full of chemicals!) It's not like saying I'll bring potato salad to the pot luck and running out to the deli for some because I didn't have time to make some.

I'm 34 y.o. and never saw goody bags. Though I didn't go to a lot of kids' birthday parties! I had one (1) birthday party all to myself when I was a kid. It even had baloons! The rest I shared with my mom and sister (birthdays within 3 weeks of each other). We still do that, actually, and I love it! But I never ever had a birthday party with friends over, just family. Now, don't get me wrong. I really wanted to do that, maybe just once. But Mom worked full time and is not sentimental at all. She didn't believe in having 2 birthday parties for each kid; one for the family, one for the kids.


I'm doing what Hollybear'smom mentioned, talking to my dd about expectations and manners and party etiquette. I want to celebrate the anniversary of my child's birth in a way that makes her feel special and loved, and indulged for one day. But when she goes to someone else's party I don't think she should expect goodies, that will inevitably be forgotten in a few days.