differnt doula for birth 2??

[Momma Aimee]

we had a doula for birth one. and a CNM. we also had a horrible birth. CNM to blame; by the time the birth arrived i hated her and didn't want to be int he room with her -- thus STRESS and all that, 33 hours of labor and a doc had to come in and do a forcept delievery while they preped the C-unit.

butttttttttttttttttt I am not sure doula did all she could -- she was NOT as hands on with me and the relaxing as I expected,a nd franly she cowered and bowed to the CNM. I know the Doula can't interfere with the CNM but she pertty much shut up and sat down thent he CNM showed up. lots of help.

The doula is the LLL leader of the group i got to; one of 4 in our area.

I really really reaaly like her as a person, she is more "cruchy" than I am but I still enjoy being with her.

Doula suggests a home birth for me next time to remove the stress of the hospital, bad memories and all that jazz -- and of course not to use CNM again (I didn't even see CNM post-patrum).

welllllllllllllllllllll DH never really liked doula -- she si too cruchy / hippy for him. he will NOT even take homebirth -- he wants an MD for the whole pg and birth next time cuz we ened up with an MD we didn't know after 33 hours last time, he doesn't want to risk that again./ and given how the last birth went, he will never go for a home birth -- he isd sure T or I would have died if we'd been at home last time.

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i am not sure wehre to go tiwht this -- dh will not do a home birth, doula thinks tha tis my olny hope, doula irnored dh last time cuz he wobn't listen to her and takes her as a joke......i see next time being worse due to internal stress -- and that is what f-ed up the last time.

sooooooooooooo

thinking differnt doula -- DH isn't going to want one at all -- for 2nd birth, an MD and a clean start????

Thoughts?

Aimee

[prettypixels]

Definitely a different doula! No matter what else you decide. Try to gently tell her that you want a completely *fresh* go with this baby, everyone new! So she won't take it personally. (Since you may be in contact with her via LLL meetings!)

I'm so sorry you had such a negative experience.

[vanessab23]

definetly a new doula, new midwife and new location!!!!!

you and your husband NEED to be one the same page, and you NEED to trust in your providers (Doula included).

good luck mama!

[courtenay_e]

Yes, yes, yes. Get a different doula. If for no other reason than you won't have bad memories haunting you during this labor. As a doula, though, especially as she knows you're pregnant, I'd hope that a former client would tell me WHY she was going with a different attendant. I am always striving to do better...in fact I do a debrief after every birth, where I ask my clients what I could have done better or differently...and this would definately fall under the category of a learning experience that could help me be a better doula for my future clients. No pressure, and she may feel very differently...but I would want to know. And I wouldn't be offended, either. That's just me, but every birth, every current life experience is different. I don't take some clients simply because we don't seem to "fit" just right. I hope that doesn't hurt the client's feelings, but I'd rather she get the perfect doula for HER, as opposed to giving me a paycheck and not having the best birth experience she can have.

I'd also suggest you take a Bradley class with your husband. Sounds like perhaps your husband might need a little more info about the birth process and interventions and procedures to make him more comfortable and involved. It could very well make him a lot more comfortable with the doula, too, if he is more knowledgable about what's going on, and has some ideas ON HIS OWN of what makes good birth support...that way they can work more as a team during labor and birth.

Just a thought.

[courtenay_e]

Oh, also. Please. Don't wait until the labor to get rid of a care practitioner you don't like/don't get along with/aren't comfortable with the care you're getting! Please, know that you have the right to fire a doc/midwife/nurse even when the baby is CROWNING! You have that right. From day one, week twenty, week 34, week 42...if you are not receiving appropriate care, find a care provider that will give you the kind of care you need and then fire the old one.

A good place to start looking late in the game would be calling doulas in the area and asking which docs/midwives/care providers they would recommend. There is a practice, for instance, in my area, which will take mothers at full term, rather than let them deliver with a practice that is bullying them. The doulas and midwives in the area know his name and send their clients to him if they end up in a pinch.

[Momma Aimee]

we took bradely



DH was totally accepting of the "I am not sick, i do not need a doc, God made my body to do this......"

UNTILL

I was in active labor 33 hours,

labor stopped and had to be restarted with Pit

I pushed for 3 hours

and we ended up with a forcept delievery while they preped the c-unit.

and I ended up witha 4th degree tear

NOW

he is all about

MD -- doctors and all that jazz -------------

cuz in his eyes all the NATURAL stuff I fed him the first time failed us.

I can see his point -- he was soooooooooooooooo scared.

I need a doula -- just for the "moming" as my mom will have to be with ds this time...........and I think DH needs some support too -- as he is already scared about it all happening again, or worse.

[courtenay_e]

Were you stalled because you were tired? Dehydrated? Out of your "safe" place? Was the baby positioned optimally? I recently had a client who is a "cave" birther, but went to the hospital with her second because her HUSBAND felt safer there. She got there in active labor and then STOPPED laboring ('cept for maybe two or three ctx an hour) until we got her into a dark bathroom, in the shower, with lavendar essential oil blocking out the "hospital" smell, several hours later...after we'd tried everything else I knew to do. When we did THAT, she had her baby three hours later (so, from four to complete and birthed in four hours). Malpresentation can also cause stalled labor, as can the other things I mentioned...your doula SHOULD have checked all of those things out...frankly, your MIDWIFE should have known all of that, first. How were you pushing? Did the midwife and doula and your husband have you upright? Squatting? Standing? Laying on your back makes for a longer pushing phase, and both the doula and the midwife should have been all OVER that (the Bradley class should have prepared your husband for that, too). Point being that the crunchy stuff and your body and natural birth didn't fail you...people did. I know that YOU probably know this...

Yes, again, I'd suggest a different doula. And I'd have a serious heart to heart with her, and get suggestions from her for practitioners...docs AND midwives.

I had a REALLY bad CNM with my first child. Then, a REALLY REALLY bad homebirth midwife with my second...but during labor, I transferred my own care to a GREAT CNM in the hospital where I'd delivered the first time. I had wanted a homebirth because I wanted to avoid the hospital, when it was really just that I needed to interview the PRACTITIONER with more specific questions...and I also should have seen a couple of red flags and fired the homebirth midwife two weeks before I went into labor. But I didn't because I was so far into it. After you get her suggestions for practitioners, I'd INTERVEIW all of them before you have an appiontment. See what their answers are for the questions you have. See who pauses, who acts REALLY interested, who deflects questions. Pick the person with the right fit, not just the one who's a doc or who's a midwife...you know?

[Momma Aimee]

son was labled SGA -- I was told they would induce on Monday

Thur I had acupunture

Friday night at 8 pm water broke -- contractons started hard and fast about 30 miutes later

week 38.

from the start they were 5 or less minutes apart.

sweet DH looked at my labor and birth notebook i created and the stages of labor chart i copied from Dr Seats and decided i was in transition.

Labored at home all night, dh kept falling asleep

CNM insisted we go to hospital at 11 am next moring. (she started at 5 am trying to get us to meet her there)

at 8 or 9 am labor STOPPED. I was cool with a rest. CNM freaked out, wanted us to come to hosptial 45 minutes away THEN.

I stalled -- showered, ate. Doula arrived and we walked 3 miles.

got to hopital at noon and got hooked to PIT as soon as I walked in. and a million motors which hurt more than the Pit.

after an hour or two we had a tonado and had to labor in the hall -- with IV and monitors (motors were worse thant he Pit) for 2 hours

I was not dialteing -- at 6 pm, after 22 hours of labor i was at 2 cm

I was basically told by CNM I had to have an epi -- or she'd hand me off to a MD for a C-section.

she acted snoty and pissed the whole time -- she even said "I don't have small babies" and "I don't have forceded births" and made a comment about messing up her record.

Did the Epi and dilated so that by 10pm i was pushing

pushed in all postions i know of

baby was stuck -- i could not get him past pelvice bone.

CNM acted like i wasn't doing it right.

at that point -- 33+ hours in and up for 50 some hours -- i was soooooooooooooooooo tired, physically worn out, i could barely move.

at 12:30 am CNM called doc back up for a c-section, doc suggested he try forcepts while th c-unit was prepped.

son born at 1:02 am

me with a 4th degree tear.

I know i screwed up, a million times on a million things.

We think -- though never told this -- that baby was faceing the wrong was -- he was head down and engaged, but i think he was not turning like he should, i don't know.

This next one will be my last biolgoically -- i just want one good birth. that or i just want a elective C and not to F*&^ with trying again -- i felt i tried soooooooooooooo hard with Bradely, so many books i read, and a doula and a CNM........why work so hard to end up wher ei would have ended upw ith out all the work???

sorry just emotional tonight -- still feel like such a total F-UP with teh epi and the forcepts and so on .....................

A

[Momma Aimee]

I do really like our first doula -- as a person -- and i believe in her.

but

i felt so abandoned at the hsoptial.

I know she had to stay out of the CNM's way.

but

I guess i chose a doula and a CNM looks for a lot of "moming" and didn't get it for either. (CNM was a drill seargent and doula just like she was looking for me to take the lead)

I wanted more cheerleading, more touch, a lot more touch, more pushing dh (Scott remember Aimee wanted you to keep her laughing, tell us some stories)......as it was doula kinda just took orders from CNM and whatever.

I know teh CNM was the BIG issue. Didn't even go see her PP.

but I wonder if a differnt doual next time will help me -- or am i expecting too much, will any other doula be the same???

Also this doula really thinks i should try a HB and I knw DH won't go for it (maybe i am scared myself after the last birth too) and I wonder if i hire her for a hospital birth with an MD and things go south again -- well i felt given up on last time all around -- and do not want to feel that way again.

Aimee

[courtenay_e]

Hmmm. Sounds like maybe the baby was trying to turn. Yes, the CNM was a problem. You DID NOT FAIL. You did the best you could with what you had. You were in a hospital culture. Even if the CNM didn't want you to come in, if she KNEW that your water was broken, she HAD to, per hospital protocol, tell you to come in. That stress (the stress of being taken out of your "safe birthing" space)is very possibly what caused your labor to stall. Yes, the epidural may be what caused your pushing issues, for many reasons...but it really sounds like you were pushed to take it. Please remember that you didn't fail. You really surrounded yourself with people who were supposed to support you and help you through your labor, difficult or not, and you didn't get the support you needed (emotional OR physical).

I'd suggest this time around that you read the spinning babies website and follow that protocol all the time during this next pregnancy. Use a birthing ball rather than the couch or the kitchen chair. Use good posture. Get chiropractic care. Give your baby all the tools it needs to be in proper position.

Eat really, REALLY well. Get LOTS of vitamin C and plenty of protein and greens. Make that amniotic membrane nice and strong, so that it's less likely to break until you're pushing...this will make it a little more likely that the baby will be in a better position when it engages (for instance, if your son was "floating" when your water broke, it's possible he just settled in in a goofy position that made it harder for his head to apply proper pressure to your cervix, and made it harder for him to pass through the birth canal).

Get exercise every day. This will make it much easier for you to handle the rigours of a long labor.

You may have been doing the last two things anyway, being a bradley mom, but it doesn't hurt to mention anyway.

Oh, yoga. Practice starting now, and all the way through your pregnancy. There are some really great DVDs out there. Before pregnancy, I suggest Brian Kest's DVD with three sessions on it. It's a great workout and gets you sooooo in tune with your breath. You can do those until you start to get a bump. Let me see...It's called "Power Yoga 1(energize), 2(Tone), 3(Sweat).

When you're a little more constricted as to what you can do b/c of your bump, Shiva Rea has a great yoga video out that shows modifications for all the usual poses, and I was able to take those modifications (she shows them for all three trimesters) to the rest of my practice if I felt like her video was too mellow one day. Yoga is great for getting in tune with relaxing and with your breath, and your "edge", and what your muscles are doing...

Good luck! Take care.

[courtenay_e]

Oh, and NO, the doula DID NOT have to stay out of the CNM's way. She didn't need to be a jerk, necessarily (although I've had to be VERY firm a few times with docs/nurses/CNMs), but her JOB was to stay IN her way, in a manner of speaking, to be SURE that your birth plan was followed.

[Momma Aimee]

we had so many issues i can't count them. :LOL

Our placenta was only 1/2 the size it is suppose to be. and had ragged edges. WHich is why Theo was smaller (but born at 5 pounds 9 oz, i was happy). so we got labled SGA and got stared at a lot. a lot. we had a number of ultrasounds in the last month; and we were under threat of induction on Monday when i went into labor naturally on Froday. I used Actupuncture (appt on Thur) to do it. (aslo evening of prmirose oil). Had another ac appt set for Monday before US appt. at US appt they were going to "detemin if there was sig enough growth to allow the pg to continue or to induce" -- we all knew CNM or not she's induce as 1. her supverising doc would require it and 2 she was very medical anyway.

I labored 8 pm to 9 am at home with only dh who kept falling asleep. contraction were 5 or less minutes apar the whole time. water broke at 8 pm, first contraction not till 8:30.

at 9 am labor stoped, doula arrived. CNM already screaming to come to the hosptial.

They started Pit as soon as I walked in to the hospital. I was at a 2

Then we got to labor int he ahll for an hour with the torndo.

then at 6 pm -- 6 hours of pit -- iw as at a 4.

and pada yadda yadda

I was getting 100+ grams of protine a day -- CNM was never happy with my food logs. I jsut was not gaining weight, i measured 6 to 7 weeks behind the day i delievered.

I am going to e-amil a few doulas, prob is not many actually "working" in our area; i think i found 4 last time who were actually taking mom's (one teaches, one workes at apregancy center for teens and so on)....and I will at least meet with someone else before going with the same one again-- i just don't think she'll work, i don't see DH dealing well. I want to get the hyono birthing CDS Theo and I can do them at nap time if nothing else.

Aimee