Backtalk

[LunaMom]

I'm curious to know what others here do when their children "talk back" in a fresh way to them. My daughter has suddenly developed quite a temper, and she has been speaking to me and dh in ways that I do not find acceptable. She has also been stomping across rooms and slamming doors when she is angry. We have done plenty of teaching about feelings and ways we can express them without hurting others, but the behavior continues, and it seems to be turning into a daily thing. VERY hard to keep my cool. I feel like we need a stricter plan of action.

I was thinking of sending her immediately to her room (or leaving the park or wherever if we are out) once she begins speaking to us this way, to give her the message that such behavior is unacceptable. I haven't really started yet, though. What has worked for you, if anything?

[kazmir]

I have been dealing with some undesirable behaviors too. How old is your dd? Mine is now 3 and is going thru a name calling stage (see the "pooh pooh head" thread). I have tried ignoring it (didn't work), not reacting negatively-kind of lightening the meaning (worked okay), time outs for 2 minutes (worked a little bit), talking alot about how it makes me feel to be called names and how it makes me feel about her (worked good). We still have issues after working on them for about a month and I'm sure there will be more , but at least talking seems to be the best bet and working on expressing anger, frustration verbally will become habit.

Let me know what works out for you!

Robin

[Viola]

My daughter will be 4 in a couple of weeks, and she often has this rude way of talking--kind of demanding and angry. Then if I don't respond the way she wants, sometimes she will mirror some of my own behavior, the times where I speak in a demanding, imperious tone. Like she might tell me to go up and find get her bear for her, and I'll say no, and she'll say, "Go and get my bear, right now!" She hasn't been doing that as much lately, just more of the crying and whining and constant "Why? Why? But I want it? Yes!" when I tell her no. Mostly what I do right now is try to keep my temper, which is hard because I find myself just wanting to yell at her, and I tell her I won't respond to her if she speaks rudely. Like she might say, "I'm hungry, what can I eat," and if I tell her I will fix her something in a little while, she'll say, "Food NOW!" Heck, sometimes she just comes up the stairs and says, "FOOD!" I just have to keep talking to her about the rude tone and how I don't want to do things for her when I feel she is being mean to me and so on. It seems like things are getting better. Today she was all "No, thank you" except for the times she was saying, "But I WANT it!"

[Funkeemonkey]

*sigh* same here...

One of my boys is just like this. I find if I lock myself in the bathroom and give myself time out when it becomes too much for me, it works. LOL.

I have found that many things work for a short time. I give him a warning that next time he talks in that tone he is in his room. Then I take him there. Sometimes repeating what he said and helping with the correct words works. I find that a lot of the "backchat" is anger based so if everything is getting too angry I go and give my son a huge hug and cuddle him back into niceness.

I agree with the "hearing myself" talk. I found that the phrases popping out of my sons mouth were often those I used when angry with him such as "right now!" and "just do it". Now I try to either keep my mouth shut or phrase things in a more patient and positive way.

Also praise, praise, praise, when you hear sweet things coming out of them. It may sound almost impossible at times but as soon as you here that one nice thing jump on it and say that is a lovely way to talk and you will get that snack (or whatever) right away because of the way it was asked.

[tlc4tots]

Amywillo, we have a similar approach. I don't respond unless it's a polite request without a whiney voice. Children need to learn respect for others from us.

[guest^]

WE tried many ,many things, and what finally cured all of us was paying into a jar(which I drew an angry face on ) a quarter each time one of us spoke with a mean tone or disrespect to another family member. Maybe this sounds a little too Rosemond(of which I mostly despise) but by applying it to all of us, it has brought the awareness to the tip of our tongues and it solved the constant mean tones we were hearing on a daily basis. I think tsalking back is ok as long as it is done respectfully.

mamapoppins

[tlc4tots]

Hmm, the angry face jar of quarters sounds like a good idea. I would sometimes be putting in quarters too, so the whole family would benefit.

[RainCityMama]

Wow! I needed this thread just to know that what I'm experiencing isn't unique to my son!

Great ideas everyone!

[IfMamaAintHappy]

Hey, you're living my life!!!!

Good to know I'm not alone.

All my AP ways had gone so well, this high needs baby had gently weaned at 31 months and was making sure I am AP-ing her sister.. then THE MOUTH!!!!! OMHeavens!!!

"oh YEAH???!!!"
"I want to watch NOW NOW NOW!!!!"

But Im just happy! (after being disobedient)...

I have many more vignettes from our life, but I wanted to let you know I belong on this thread with the backtakling trials and suggestions! This is my first post to this forum. DD turned 3 in December, right after she become a big sister.

[RainCityMama]

WOW ging-ging!

My babies are 11/23/99 and 10/24/02 Ours are JUST about the same age and the same distance in age

[IfMamaAintHappy]

RCM: then you really do know waht Im talking about LOL! Here is a link to mine: http://community.webshots.com/user/jenihuffs

[MamaBug]

backtalk

she will grow out of it

[tlc4tots]

Mamabug you are so right. So far every tough phase we have gone through has been just that "a phase" and then I get my delightful child back.

[MamaBug]

thanks tlc!

Thankfully both my ds are very even tempered and never had this problem, but with others we have just learned to ride it out!

[shanleysmama]

Ooh, nice to know I'm not alone, as I sit here listening to DD (4 next month) slam yet another door. And I'm tired of her sticking her tongue out at me and giving me raspberries when she doesn't get her way.

I will repeat "this too shall pass" 100 times in celebration of Mother's Day, LOL.

Melanie