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*really* young mommas! - Page 15

post #281 of 373
Thread Starter 
Hey everyone! Just checking in to say "hey!" to y'all- especially the newbs.

So glad to see this thread still alive!
post #282 of 373
I can't remember if i've posted somewhere in this thread before (this SN is new I forgot my old password).
I had my first at 17, now i'm 29 with a 12 yo. The stigma never goes away, even now that i'm about to turn 30 i'm still a 29 yo with a 12 yo. I still get a lot of the same treatment I got when I was 21 with 2 kids.

It's worse that i'm a 29 yo with 4 kids. I was done at 25 when most of my friends were just having their first.
post #283 of 373
ilm2, i hear ya. i just turned 28 and have 4 kids. my oldest is about to be 10, youngest almost 4. people ask how old the kids are and you can just see them trying to figure it out "now, how old does that make her...?" i had 4 babies in 6 years, so i was done by 24. i have 2 other friends that had their babies early, but the rest of them just started having kids. so now, my crew is old enough to leave with sitters, etc, so i'm getting some semblance of a life back, and my friends are all pregnant or have new babies!
post #284 of 373
hi, i'm excited to have found this, i guess i might be old for it now, but i'm 25, my hubby is 27, we have an almost 10 year old 5.5 year old and a 2 year old. i hate to say it but we are done!

i think even harder than the shunning looks from people thinking my child was being brought to kindergarten on her first day by a babysitter was the reaction to homebirthing those babies. i was told i was wreckless, that it was my way of rebelling and all kinds of other terrible garbage from people who didn't understand, even if they were our parents. i wanted to be a midwife since i saw willow when i was like 6 and so it just never left, i'm doing a apprenticeship now, finished high school on time with my class, busted my butt and have an amazing life to show for it. we struggle - don't get me wrong but we are fighting the good fight and we will not stop, until we're in our 40's our kids are all grown and we can reeelax while our friends are pulling their hair out because they don't remember what it was like to be a teenager but are somehow trying to relate to them!

i am volunteer peer leader for young pregnant girls.
mommas are mommas pure and simple
post #285 of 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by gracequinn View Post
i am volunteer peer leader for young pregnant girls.
mommas are mommas pure and simple
That's awesome. I'd love to do something like this. I was in a program for teen moms at one point and it helped me so much - I've since moved.
post #286 of 373
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by gracequinn View Post
mommas are mommas pure and simple
post #287 of 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by damona View Post
ilm2, i hear ya. i just turned 28 and have 4 kids. my oldest is about to be 10, youngest almost 4. people ask how old the kids are and you can just see them trying to figure it out "now, how old does that make her...?" i had 4 babies in 6 years, so i was done by 24. i have 2 other friends that had their babies early, but the rest of them just started having kids. so now, my crew is old enough to leave with sitters, etc, so i'm getting some semblance of a life back, and my friends are all pregnant or have new babies!
Oh! The count backwards pause! I know it well. "Wow you don't look old enough to have a child that age" Then they ask dd's age, then mine, then they pause and sort of roll their eyes up while they count backwards in their head.

I've always wanted to say "oh i'll hold on while you count that down"

Although, the fact that dh and I married at 18 and all the kids have the same father somewhat redeems me in "their" eyes.
There is nothing I hate more than the "do they all have the same father?"

I always want to say "I don't know, maybe I should call Maury Povich and find out"

The kicker is that all 4 of my kids look just alike. Like little clones and everyone comments on it and often ask if they are twins, so it makes the babydaddy comments all the more rude.
post #288 of 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by gracequinn View Post
hi, i'm excited to have found this, i guess i might be old for it now, but i'm 25, my hubby is 27, we have an almost 10 year old 5.5 year old and a 2 year old. i hate to say it but we are done!

i think even harder than the shunning looks from people thinking my child was being brought to kindergarten on her first day by a babysitter was the reaction to homebirthing those babies. i was told i was wreckless, that it was my way of rebelling and all kinds of other terrible garbage from people who didn't understand, even if they were our parents. i wanted to be a midwife since i saw willow when i was like 6 and so it just never left, i'm doing a apprenticeship now, finished high school on time with my class, busted my butt and have an amazing life to show for it. we struggle - don't get me wrong but we are fighting the good fight and we will not stop, until we're in our 40's our kids are all grown and we can reeelax while our friends are pulling their hair out because they don't remember what it was like to be a teenager but are somehow trying to relate to them!

i am volunteer peer leader for young pregnant girls.
mommas are mommas pure and simple

I'm a homebirther too. Breastfeeding, Homeschooling, former teen mother. I don't fit in anywhere.

I would love to volunteer too. Unfortunatly our local teen pg program shut down due to lack of funding several years ago.
post #289 of 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilm2 View Post
Oh! The count backwards pause! I know it well. "Wow you don't look old enough to have a child that age" Then they ask dd's age, then mine, then they pause and sort of roll their eyes up while they count backwards in their head.

I've always wanted to say "oh i'll hold on while you count that down"

Although, the fact that dh and I married at 18 and all the kids have the same father somewhat redeems me in "their" eyes.
There is nothing I hate more than the "do they all have the same father?"

I always want to say "I don't know, maybe I should call Maury Povich and find out"

The kicker is that all 4 of my kids look just alike. Like little clones and everyone comments on it and often ask if they are twins, so it makes the babydaddy comments all the more rude.

i am so right there with you! i've been with my dh since i was 16. my kids are all his kids. people just seem to think that they have the right to ask if they all have the same daddy. irritates the heck outta me. it's like they are calling you a sl*t without actually saying the word. i mean, do people do this to older moms? i've never seen someone walk up to a late 30's mom and say, "oh, are all your kids by the same guy?" i'll bet that's a lot more rare.

my boys are all practically identical, too. mt 3rd ds has more reddish hair n the others are all dark blonde, but other than that... the 2 oldest are practically twins. and when i buzz their hair for the summer? oh man. even i have to double check which little blond crewcut i'm talking to at times!
post #290 of 373
I used to volunteer at the teen moms school here, I went there my senior year of high school but we're moving in a couple of weeks. I'm going to miss that. I was working on becoming a mentor with the girls.

I haven't had anyone ask if they have the same father but once when my oldest was a baby I had someone ask if I knew who the father was. I mean REALLY?! Who actually ASKS someone that?! She was cutting my hair so I wasn't about to turn around and smack her for being an idiot so I said "yeah my husband." That pretty much created a very awkward silence for the next 5ish minutes. She didn't get a tip. I believe I've said it before here but stupid people really shouldn't be allowed to talk.
post #291 of 373
[QUOTE=ilm2;11151298]I always want to say "I don't know, maybe I should call Maury Povich and find out"QUOTE]


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post #292 of 373
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by damona View Post
i am so right there with you! i've been with my dh since i was 16. my kids are all his kids. people just seem to think that they have the right to ask if they all have the same daddy. irritates the heck outta me. it's like they are calling you a sl*t without actually saying the word. i mean, do people do this to older moms? i've never seen someone walk up to a late 30's mom and say, "oh, are all your kids by the same guy?" i'll bet that's a lot more rare.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CheapPearls View Post
once when my oldest was a baby I had someone ask if I knew who the father was. I mean REALLY?! Who actually ASKS someone that?! She was cutting my hair so I wasn't about to turn around and smack her for being an idiot so I said "yeah my husband." That pretty much created a very awkward silence for the next 5ish minutes. She didn't get a tip. I believe I've said it before here but stupid people really shouldn't be allowed to talk.
OH MY GOSH I HEAR YA!!!! What I hate is being the grocery store and DH (who still looks about 15) is holding one of the kids and they ask the typical "is it yours?" and such but then they sometimes they make the most offensive statement "I hope you're parents are helping you." It sounds so odd but we have gotten it so often. Here's the thing- my dad ditched me in infancy and my mom is bipolar and a little slow. I have taken care of her almost my entire life. DH's parents are druggies. He has been fending for himself for quite some time. But they assume that our parents- being all old and wise- must be helping lil' ol' us. Ok we have been on our own for quite some time now. 22 and all 3 kids. Yup. We've been doing it AND taking care of my mom AND helping his parents with food. Give. Me. A. Break!

What really gets to me is this type of ageism is ok in our society.
post #293 of 373
Honestly, I don't feel young. lol Not lately anyhow. I'm 23 by the way. lol I got pregnant with DS when I was 18 and had him when I was 19. Best decision we made. We have been TTC #2 for awhile now with no luck so far.

For the person who asked ages of our SO's: DH is 27. Four years older than I am.

I always looked very very young. When I was pregnant someone actually thought I was about 15 years old. lol But thankfully being as we are surrounded by the military community and were then as well, it isn't such a big deal. A lot of military wives get pregnant young so it isn't anything to gawk at like it seems to be in the civi world.
post #294 of 373
i live an an extremely liberal town, there are single parent families, 2 mommies, 2 daddies, interracial adoption is huge BUT GOD FORBID YOU BE YOUNG!!
I know I'm a better mom than a lot of them-as weird as that is to say, I see them interact with their children and I see what they FEED them!!!

My favorite is when they tell me I just have too much time on my hands for doing crafts projects with the kids instead of letting them watching TV and I gently remind them I work full time and have more children then they do (including a toddler) and i'm apprenticing...my priorities are just different it's not the extra time i'm wading through

See I can pass judgment too, how ya like them apples!!

i'm really not a B word, I just get wicked pissed at that garbage!
post #295 of 373
I've been looking for a thread like this. I hope I fit here!
I turned 20 on October 1st, 2007. My LMP was October 26th so within a month and a half of turning 20, I was pregnant. It was unexpected but not unwelcome.
DP is 22, almost 23. We're very excited about our baby (due last of July/first of August) As a matter of fact, we've decided that we'd like to have three children in the next 6-7 years.
The other people I know that are youngish moms have completely different parenting styles than I agree with. None of them breastfeed, they all use disposable diapers exclusively, they don't discipline at ALL until they are at the end of their ropes and then just spank.
I'm feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed right now but I think it's mostly third trimester hormones. Plus the fact that we're busily moving into a new house!

I'm really glad to find other young, crunchy moms though. I wasn't sure any even existed!
post #296 of 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilm2 View Post
I can't remember if i've posted somewhere in this thread before (this SN is new I forgot my old password).
I had my first at 17, now i'm 29 with a 12 yo. The stigma never goes away, even now that i'm about to turn 30 i'm still a 29 yo with a 12 yo. I still get a lot of the same treatment I got when I was 21 with 2 kids.

It's worse that i'm a 29 yo with 4 kids. I was done at 25 when most of my friends were just having their first.
Wow I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one who gets this! I was pregnant with my first when I was just barely 18. I had my first ds five days before my 19th birthday.

Now I am 31, have four children and my oldest is 12. I get the "you have a 12 year old" question all the time since I look pretty young still. I also always feel very out of place when I am in a room full of other parents of kids my ds's age. We went to a science fair and I was the youngest parent in the room and it was very obvious. It makes me feel weird. Women my age are often just starting having children and their oldest children are the ages of my youngest. It is just weird.
post #297 of 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by *mama moose* View Post
not sure if I count or not, but I figured if not you guys can just kick me out
I got pregnant with DD at 19 and just had her in August (age 20). People were fairly judgemental when I was pregnant, but now that shes here I don't get as many comments or looks (besides the ones i get for NIP and babywearing....and overall just being crunchy LOL)
The only thing that bugs me is that most moms I meet that are my age are not into AP parenting. Most are not even breastfeeding, and think I'm weird. So I'm sorta stuck with no friends, I'm too young to hang out with any AP mamas I meet (who are usually in their late 20s or 30s and live in nicer parts of town/other towns....I live in a somewhat poor area of town),or I have nothing in common with moms I meet who live near me and are my age....sigh.
anyways, hi fellow young mamas!
and again, if I'm over that age cusp of VERY young, feel free to let me know!
wow.I felt like I was reading my own story ...haha I too got pregnant at 19, I found out a week before our wedding about dd! My wedding ring did NOT fit for very long at all. I think that made it worse, people assumed I wasn't married, assumed I wasn't well adjusted. I'm not saying unwed mothers are unfit, but they were using the lack of wedding ring as ammunition. I found myself saying all the time, stores, movie theatres etc, 'gosh Jason, you are such a good husband' or 'I can't believe my wedding ring doesn't fit!'

I remember when I was younger, when I would walk around places with my brother (12 years younger) everyone assumed he was mine. And because they 'knew he was mine' they made things harder on me. It's such crap.

I think being a young mom is awsome. You are going to always be 'cool' and know whats going on. And be more intuned with your children. As long as you are living the life you want, forget everyone else! You were meant to be a young mommy, that's what the world wanted for you! So this is what you got! YAY YOUNG MOMMIES
post #298 of 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by mere2hayden View Post

I always looked very very young. When I was pregnant someone actually thought I was about 15 years old.
yeah. i get as young as "12."

i was 21 when my son was born (24 now), but i still get the same sh*t and mostly from my family. like more than 50% of all pregnancies aren't unplanned.

yeah, my husband is 10 years older than me. their grandaddies were that much older than their mamaws. and they probably had 10 kids together starting at age 15 or so around here (appalachia). healthily and hopefully happily, i might add.

heehee. rant.

i work in L&D and it happens all the time here. the absolute worst is when a young mother loses a child. the "well, it's probably for the best"s really get to me. they are still mothers.

on an end note, though. older pg women get it almost as much. like if there's 18 years between their last baby and this one.

ageism sucks.
post #299 of 373
I don't think I am a truly young mama (got pregnant on my 22nd birthday, he is a month and a half now!) but everyone around here seems to think I am still 10 or something... I live in an area where most people don't even think about marriage and kids till they are in their late twenties!!!
post #300 of 373
i'm so glad to have found this thread! ill e 21 in a week and dp will be 24 in july. our ds is 4 mos. it is so hard to find young moms who share our parenting philosophy!

when i was pregnant i wanted to do everything as natural as possible and ended up w/ a c section since "dr. knew best" and i was just being stubborn. i struggled with getting breastfeeding started while being off my meds for adhd and was told so many times that its hard enough being a young single mom w/o breastfeeding so i stopped then me and dp who is living with us and endlessly involved (yet unmarried so still apparenltly single?) realized that listening to people and their "its hard enough without (insert normal attachment parenting behavior) " was actually making our lives so much harder lol. so now against the endless advice of pretty much everyone with a uterus that i come into contact with we are a babywearing, co sleeping, partially cloth diapering, relactating, organic living family. lol

do you ever feel like people dont respect your parenting decisions b/c you are or were a young mom? sometimes people esp. family will say things like... cloth diapering? thats so pointless or why would you wear your baby thats why they have this that or w/e. my current favorite .. relactation? is that even possible? why would you do that, what if he refuses the bottle? hes already 4 months he doesnt even get any benefits from breast milk... and... you better get him out of your bed now or you going to regret it! sry this is so long.. lol i have been needing to vent and needing to talk to people who are or have been in the same situation... i dont know many young mamas and the ones a i do know.. well.. if there was an opposite to attachment parenting... it would be these mommies. so its nice to know there are young mommas who share some of the same parenting beliefs that i do
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