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*really* young mommas! - Page 16

post #301 of 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1littlebit View Post
do you ever feel like people dont respect your parenting decisions b/c you are or were a young mom? sometimes people esp. family will say things like... cloth diapering? thats so pointless or why would you wear your baby thats why they have this that or w/e. my current favorite .. relactation? is that even possible? why would you do that, what if he refuses the bottle? hes already 4 months he doesnt even get any benefits from breast milk... and... you better get him out of your bed now or you going to regret it! sry this is so long.. lol i have been needing to vent and needing to talk to people who are or have been in the same situation... i dont know many young mamas and the ones a i do know.. well.. if there was an opposite to attachment parenting... it would be these mommies. so its nice to know there are young mommas who share some of the same parenting beliefs that i do



This is my experience so far and I'm still pregnant
post #302 of 373
it can be rough. but hang in there!! and dont fall into the 'they are older and expirienced and must know better' b/c chances are.. they dont. and they esp dont know what is best for you and your baby.. you do. people are weird when it comes to parenting advice its sort of like they cant comprehand that their way may not be the only or best way. ;/ just smile and nod a lot
post #303 of 373
one thing i have been working on (among others) is ...are you ready...

JUST LET IT ROLL BABY!

I am constantly hearing from another mom (who is 39) "you have waay too much time on your hands" "i work full time and my husband does nothing" because I do crafts with my kids and bake with them and cook dinner every night. see she feeds them chef boyarde cold out of the can everynight, has never colored with her kids or made homemade valentines for a class of 22. after 3 years of listening to it i said "listen sista i work full time as well, your husband drops off and picks up at school, my kids are in three different places and i do the pick ups and drop off myself, everyday. you brag about how much you work out and that you jog every morning for an hour before you hit the gym. you go shopping by yourself on the weekend because you need the time to yourself, well, how about this, i do everything in my house too and i have more kids than you do. i just choose to spend my time differently than you. you take 2 hours to make your body look good, i spend it making my family healthy meals. our priorities are just different, i don't have more time than you i am just not a self absorbed as you."

translation: i'm a better mother than you are so shut the hell up PLEASE WOMAN!

i realised that although it felt good to get that off my chest the real reason she had been saying those things wasn't because she really thought i was wasting my time or had too much of it, it was because she knew she could be doing more with her children (they love being at my house) and it was her guilt and insecurity that drove her to degrade me. i'm sure there was an element of jealousy that pushed her to belittle me. she was defensive at her own thought that i was a better mom and i think that holds true in so many of "our" situations as young moms.

yes, i have more energy
yes, i do still look fantastic after three kids
yes, i homebirth
yes, i breastfeed
yes, my children do get bedtime stories
no, not because it's easier for me, because i try harder

stop making me feel i'm doing something wrong because you feel guilty you don't try hard enough.

our success doesn't have to be their failure but for some reason, it is.

take the good with the bad, it sounds like you're doing right by your baby, and when all is said and done, thats the only winning score.


post #304 of 373
i know what you mean... its hhard to not say something after awhile... but i do try and just smile and not.. better then telling my aunt or my grandmother that if they dont stop talking im going to explode
post #305 of 373
Hey, I hope I'm not too old to join here! I'm 21 and my son Toby is 5 months old. It's kind of been hard... none of my friends are even close to having babies so I kind of feel like the pariah in the group And my family doesn't really get the whole AP thing.

Toby was born 6 weeks early via emergency C section and they took him to a NICU in a different hospital right after he was born, so I didn't even get to see him for 3 days. I tried pumping so I could breastfeed him but nothing worked. It was so freaking depressing and horrible when I finally gave up, but I felt like no one in my family understood - they all formula fed. It still bugs me that I couldn't bf but I feel like I should be over it by now.

Anyway I love wearing Toby! I made a sling a few weeks ago and it has been so fun to wear him all the time. I am only good at wearing him on my front but it's so comfy and feels so natural... my parents think I am insane but hey, it works for me

Any of you young mommas in Utah? Want to hang out? We just moved to Salt Lake City last week and I'm a little bored, heh.
post #306 of 373
welcome krisis, of course you're not too old to join
Don't beat yourself up over not bfing, i am on my third baby but this is my first successful bfing relationship. We do what we can with the knowledge and resources we have at the time. Not that i don't wish i had the knowledge i have now back when i had my dd's
What kind of sling did you make? My fave is a stretch pouch sling i made, and i recently made a mei tie, i looove it for longer outings Congrats on your baby btw
post #307 of 373
My gramma made me a mai tai... I heart it!!
post #308 of 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by chely7425 View Post
My gramma made me a mai tai... I heart it!!
I want one! wait umm I'm not 21 yet DANG
post #309 of 373
Hello!!
Well i'm almost 25, but hey i have 3 babes. I was 18 with Linda, 20 with Yesh and 23 with Bet. So well i'm a young mamma, and i'm adding that DH is 18 years older than myself but he looks great! He looks in his early thirties though and i look young as well, they think i'm 18, and i have to say it bothers me, and it has been this way all my life. People thought i was just a very tall 10 year old when i was really 16, talk to me about frustration.:

Not to mention this:
"Older parents= better parents
Younger parents = irresponsible parents"

Ugh, thanks ex stepmom for that unknown fact, i'm amazed by your level of intelligence.
Sorry i'm just venting.

Well, my friends are all parents, we're all in the green and natural parenting as i get frustrated by those spanking, formula feeding, choice to circ parents, not to mention that they don't breasfeed. Well New Flash, that one of the main functions of the breasts

Don't all of you mammas hate the "You're ruinning your life" thing, not really by your family but by strangers.
post #310 of 373
I get the "you're ruining your life" speech from my mom!! Not in those exact words but the undertones are there... she thinks by having kids young and staying at home I am being a complete idiot. I don't really care but it gets old...
post #311 of 373
Wow, I didn't realize there was so many young Mama's on here!

I'm 21 & Have a 16 mo old little girl, Jessi.
We found out we were pregnant 4 days before my 19th birthday! (Planned, because I get asked alot.)
I LOVE being a young mom. I think it's the greatest thing, and the right thing for us. I hate it when I get the "Oh-my-gosh, that's crazy! You don't even know who you are when you're that young, how could you be married or have a kid? Well, that's how *I* was anyway..."

I actually love it when I get wierd looks for CD, BW, BF etc. I think it's funny when people go "How do you know about all this stuff?" Like because I'm so young, how is it that I have a clue?

It's too bad some of you don't live around here! I am lucky though, I have a close friend up here who is the same age as me, and is now expecting her first. She is also a natural parenting person.
post #312 of 373

not a young mama anymore...

Hello Young Mamas,

Just popping in to say congratulations on your babies!

I'm not a "young mama" anymore, but I was one in 1982! My son was born in '82 when I was 16 years old. Most people thought I was completely incapable of making intelligent decisions related to my pregnancy. When I chose to have an unmedicated birth, breastfeed, co-sleep, etc., my "weirdness" was blamed on my age. You know, I was only making such "fringe" decisions because I didn't know anything and would certainly be screaming for drugs and sending someone out to fetch formula...but it didn't happen.

My daughter was born in 2007 when I was 41 years old. Guess what? People still told me that I would "come to my senses" and ask for that epidural and not bother with nursing when it was so easy to use formula. Even when they knew what decisions I had made with my son. Most people still think my decisions are "weird," only now they can't blame it on youth!

Enjoy your babies and stick to your convictions, Mama's!

Lisa
post #313 of 373
Sorry, I am kind of lazy and don't want to read through all the pages of this to find out your answers

How do you guys deal with the criticism? I know my grandma means well, but... ahh! It's like, I am planning to CD sometime pretty soon here (just trying to figure it all out, CDing is CONFUSING!!) but I know as soon as my grandma finds out she'll throw a fit and i'll get to hear snide comments every time I see her. I love my grandma, she's like my mom, and I don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her off, but she makes me feel bad about some of my parenting decisions. I know they are MY decisions to make, but ... I don't know. Ahh!!

I am really sensitive and shy so it makes it doubly hard to handle the criticisms... what do you guys do?

And, mommies who have been through the teething, how do you handle the screaming? Toby has screamed nonstop all week and last night I totally lost it. If DH had not been around I probably would have seriously hurt the poor baby. What do you do when you just can't take it anymore?
post #314 of 373
Delurking.. DH and I TTC'd and got pregnant with our twins when I was 18, had them months after I turned 19. DD was born just after I turned 21 and I just had my surroson a month before I turned 25.

Krisis - I had to learn how to let the criticism roll off of my back. I got a lot of flack from family and strangers for having children so young. They all *ass*umed that our children were "mistakes" as they called it, or unplanned, of course. Of course it's NONE of their business that our babies were planned but at first I made it a point to tell them so they'd hush up about it.

You really gotta let it roll off of your back. I know it's easier said than done when it comes to family (esp well-meaning Grandma's!) though.

People have also *ass*umed that I BF'd/pumped because we were poor, that we CD'd because we were poor, etc. etc. But you know what? MANY people get that, no matter the age. But I think some of us get it a bit more with our age, because they think young people cannot afford what they could later on in life. Maybe true for some, but I know DH and I were not doing too bad at all financially when we planned our kiddos.
post #315 of 373
WRT the teething, have you tried giving him teething drops? They help a lot. They numb the baby's gums. If it gets really bad, which it sounded like it was, you can give him some Baby Tylenol. It does get pretty tough sometimes. The thing that really bothers me that I almost can't handle is when I'm really tired and Jamie just wants to crawl around and not sleep. Luckily, this only happens about once a month or so. You just have to hold out and try to stay patient and optimistic. I know that's probably not very helpful, but it's the only thing that I've found to work.

With the criticism, I would just tell the person that you're doing what works for your family. Sometimes moms, especially moms who have gone through the whole thing already, get a bit defensive when they find out that a friend or relative is nursing, had a natural birth, etc., because they didn't do that and they might feel guilty for not doing so, so they start the criticism. One way you can really tell if someone is criticising you for this reason is if they say, "Well, I gave my kids formula/had an epidural/whatever and they turned out just fine." I might explain to your grandma, if I were you, the reasons why I'm using cloth diapers. Just try to be understanding with her and, after awhile, she'll probably get over this stuff.
post #316 of 373
i was 21 when i had DS1 i got looked at like i was nuts. i was a year older than my mum was when she had me. people thought i was nuts sto CD as i used terry squares n plastic pants as i didnt know anythiung else.
i tried to BF and got to 12 weeks when due to bad advice adn no support i switched to formula. i was told "your milks not good enough for him" and i believed them
i had DD1 when i was 23, DS2 when i was 24 and DD2 when i was 26. i still get looks and told im nuts but tis cos i have 4 kids and CD/BF/Co-sleep not cos im young. well im not sure i am classed as a "young mum" any more.

im 27 now and we are planning Number 5 for sometime 2009/2010

id say jsut ignore the comments, back in "their" day if you were not married by 25 you were doomed to life as a old spinster

congrats toall the new mummys

Kiz
post #317 of 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krisis View Post
Sorry, I am kind of lazy and don't want to read through all the pages of this to find out your answers

How do you guys deal with the criticism? I know my grandma means well, but... ahh! It's like, I am planning to CD sometime pretty soon here (just trying to figure it all out, CDing is CONFUSING!!) but I know as soon as my grandma finds out she'll throw a fit and i'll get to hear snide comments every time I see her. I love my grandma, she's like my mom, and I don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her off, but she makes me feel bad about some of my parenting decisions. I know they are MY decisions to make, but ... I don't know. Ahh!!

I am really sensitive and shy so it makes it doubly hard to handle the criticisms... what do you guys do?

And, mommies who have been through the teething, how do you handle the screaming? Toby has screamed nonstop all week and last night I totally lost it. If DH had not been around I probably would have seriously hurt the poor baby. What do you do when you just can't take it anymore?
I find the best way to handle criticism is simply to tell the person that it is YOUR child, and YOU and YOU alone (or you and your partner..sorry) will be making the decisions regarding his/her care, and his/her advice is not wanted or welcome. I know that sucks being firm with family, but trust me people will eventually learn to respect it if you stick to your guns. The key is to really educate yourself and give them facts, and use a firm, no-nonsense tone.
post #318 of 373
Hi everyone,

I hope Im not too old to post on here, I am 22 and my dd is 6 mo. I married DH when I was 19 and I cant tell you how many people asked me if I was pregnant and when I told them no, they acted like I was making the biggest mistake of my life! When I got pregnant at 21 with DD and my DH was still in school-everyone asked if we "planned" it. Yes we did "plan" her and they were even more shocked that she was concieved with Clomid after 1 1/2 years ttc! A lot of people think that we are irresponsible, but DH has a good job and we have a stable loving family. I love being a young mom because I can still remember what being a kid is like and I also feel like I am more open minded to different parenting styles. We get tons of crap from our families about AP like "get that baby out of your bed!" "put her down or she'll be spoiled" "you hold her too much" "when are you going to wean" "you are feeding her AGAIN" the list goes on!!!! Our crunchiness makes things even worse "do you think you are too good for McDonalds?" "quit hugging trees and throw that plastic bottle in the trash" "no one in that last 50 years uses cloth diapers" and on and on and on!!!

Another thing that really bugs me is old ladies!!! Not all of them of course but a lot of them. They will just walk right up to you and tell you how to make your baby sleep through the night or worse they will ask you if you have a "good baby" . One woman even walked up and asked if my 3 mo slept through the night. When I said she gets up a few times to nurse, she told me that was just silly, I needed to give her as much rice cereal as she would take then put her in her crib to CIO. This woman was a COMPLETE stranger!!!

Sorry for ranting, I just get really frustrated at times. I am glad to find a place where there are other young AP moms. I dont feel like such a weirdo anymore!!!
post #319 of 373
Oh old ladies are the worst. And I hate that "good baby" thing. When I'm out with my family my mom or grandma always jump in and say "no, he's not a good baby," and I'm like EXCUSE ME?

Grawr.
post #320 of 373
Thread Starter 
Popping in to say hey to everyone!

One of the things about society that bugs me the most is that baby=ruined life. WHAT???!!!! : It's worse when you're young. They act as if you have just died or something. I didn't start LIVING until my Lily was growing inside me thankyouverymuch.

I do struggle with something though. I feel like I always need to be strong and independent or else people will think I have failed just like they said I would. Dumb, I know
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