*really* young mommas! - Page 3

[Haydee]

I'm 21 now, raising a 9 year old and a 4 year old. Want to do the math on that one? I got pregnant at 16 with DS, had him when I was 17. I've been raising DD since she was 5, I was 17, and I now have custody of her even though I'm not with her father. You should see the jaws drop when I walk into places with her. Everyone assumes I'm her sister or something.

Just today I got a rude comment about my age from the school psychologist. I wrote about it in my thread in Single Parenting.. I'll copy/paste some of that in here for you. For more backround on our situation you can check my thread over there or just ask.

I got so upset with the school psychologist today. She knows we're considering a residential placement - but that's at a psychological group home - where they do passes home, family therapy, etc. The school psychologist today suggests foster care, because "Well... wouldn't it be so helpful to her to be in a two parent home, where she is the only child.. plus, your so young." AGGHHHH!! Since when do you discriminate against me because I'm a 21 year old single mother to two amazing children?!?! I told DD's therapist (who has been working with DD and me for a long time and knows DD and our family very well) and she said that I do an amazing job with DD, that foster parents are NOT specially trained in special needs children, and since when was I giving up custody of her?! Plus she has yet to show any of her behaviors at the school, because of the RAD, so they don't have any idea what I'm dealing with. They make me so mad.

[desertpenguin]

sweet, lovin this thread. i got pregnant at 17 and had ds at 18. i'm 20 now and dh is 21.

it's nice to see so many young crunchy mommas here, and even cooler to see how many of us are intrested in becoming midwives, etc!!!

whoever mentioned AAMI...oh man, that is soooo the school i want to attend. their beliefs are so in line with my beliefs and i like that they aren't MEAC accredited. everything i have heard about the education that they provide is that it is thorough and rigorous, which is good. and it's nice to be able to do it from home. i don't feel like the time is right (financially or emotionally) for me to start my formal midwifery education, so i'm really wanting to see about becoming a CBE first through ALACE (maybe) and afterwards also get accredited through Birth Works. i have to get my driver's license first though and make some sort of income because we can't afford any of it at all right now. so hopefully in a few months, maybe after we get our tax return.

[Lizzo]

I wouldn't worry much about MEAC accrediation. It's easier in some aspects I suppose, but I am really happy just apprenticing, the tradtional way. Of course, it isn't always easy to find a preceptor.
I am planning to get my CPM, but I need to start keeping better track of the births and prenatals I;ve done!

[Cherie2]

Do Grandmas Count?

Hi, I came across this thread and wanted to chime in. I had my first at 20 and am now a grandma at 39. My dd is a very young mom 17 but was 16 when her ds was born. I thought I would take a peek and see what the young mamas are talking about and realized I was one too (just not anymore). My dd young mama is having some trouble maybe some of you going thru it can help me help her. She seems to have some trouble really embracing her responsibility. She just seems to expect others to cover childcare and baby needs for her (ie diapers, clothes) it would be nice if she at least acknowledged or thanked people for this help. She really loves her ds but she just seems like she does not have "enough" for him. How much help do you all get. How do you handle splitting your "you" time/energy and "baby" time/energy?

[Cherie2]

bump

hey, where are you young mama's? bump

[pilesoflaundry]

I'm 24 and have 3 kids. My youngest was born 3 months after my 21st birthday so I've been there! I don't get much crap anymore but I did when ds was born, he is almost 8 now. I was 16 when he was born. I look older and my dh is in the military so it's sorta common to be a younger mom so I think people figure I'm a little bit older and had my son at like 19ish.

[DuckyTate]

Originally Posted by magstphil

i was wondering if there were any other *really* young mommas out there. i am 21 and on my 3rd. we started at 17 (18 when she was born). i'd love to get to know some younger moms or moms who have been through it to discuss in particular the stigma society places on us being so young.

I might possibly fit in here too.
I was 18 and preggers with my oldest 19 when he was born.
My oldest son is 12 now and because of that most people think I am in my 40's Why is it so hard to belive that a 32 year old woman has a 12 year old son, much less being the mother of four kids.:

[calidarling]

im not as young as some of you but boy do people make me feel like it. my son was born four weeks ago and next month i will be turning 22. although he was unplanned, i always wanted to be a younger mother. my husband and i do not feel that we are missing out on anything and have never fit in with our age group anyway. i only have one friend who is my age with a child, her dd is two now, however, my friend is not the same type of parent as i am, so we dont relate anymore.

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by Cherie2

Hi, I came across this thread and wanted to chime in. I had my first at 20 and am now a grandma at 39. My dd is a very young mom 17 but was 16 when her ds was born. I thought I would take a peek and see what the young mamas are talking about and realized I was one too (just not anymore). My dd young mama is having some trouble maybe some of you going thru it can help me help her. She seems to have some trouble really embracing her responsibility. She just seems to expect others to cover childcare and baby needs for her (ie diapers, clothes) it would be nice if she at least acknowledged or thanked people for this help. She really loves her ds but she just seems like she does not have "enough" for him. How much help do you all get. How do you handle splitting your "you" time/energy and "baby" time/energy?

hi Cherie!
i have to admit i never really had this problem. DH and i sort of put our heads down and went to being parents. we refused help for a long time (still do to an extent) because we got so much crap we wanted to just make it on our own with no strings attatched. i always was mom. there was no "Maggie time" and then "Lily time". it was rough for the first couple of years but now that we're on our feet we give eachother breaks and sometimes my mom will take our LOs so we can have an adult momment.
but i have seen others have this problem. i really don't know much but maybe if you layed it down for her? she's mom and needs to do these things. you're there to help but not to do it all. i don't doubt she needs a moment to herself. maybe make a date each week were she can have a night with friends? but only if she is responsible for her LO during the week? like i said i'm not well versed on this but i hope it helped somewhat! *HUGS* to you and yours!

[Lizzo]

Hey Cherie,
I also never had this problem. I pulled up my pants, tightened the buckle and became a mama. Truthfully, I should have asked for more help. I had PPD and was so lonely in the beggining. Unfortunatly, although I am with DP, he ha shad trouble adjusting and I have done most, pretty much all of raising DS without him. Eventually I will leave him,but for now it makes more sense to stay with him.
I mean, don't get me wrong, my parents have helped financially and I am so gratefull of that. I work hard, hard hard...but I don't make money. I am a midwive's apprentice so it's free school basically.
But DS is my responsibility and I love being with him and caring for him. That doesn't mean everyone needs time for themselves, but there must be a balance.
Turthfully, I feel not helping a young mama(or papa) is far worse than helping. DP's family basically abandoned him- and they were young parents themselves. I see more wrong in that than the help my parents give me. And shoudl DS (although, truthfully, I hope it doesn't happen to him- it is so so hard, I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it is hard) go through htis, I will be with him every step of the way, but of course in such a way that his child is his.

[Snow Pea]

I'm new but I thought I'd put in my two cents too.

I had my dd1 a few months before I turned 19, m/c with my ds 4 days after my 20th bday, and had dd2 when I was 21. I knew I wanted to be a young mom and I feel really blessed that I have them.

My husbands family, mostly his mother and grandmother, have always tried to tell me that what I'm doing isn't the right way to do things. My favorites are "Well, I didn't breastfeed my kids and they turned out just fine." and "Is she still not potty trained? My kids were potty trained before they could walk." :

At least they tried though. My family pretty much ignored the fact that I was having kids at all.

Thank goodness for the support of my dh or I would have gone nuts with our crazy families. He was 21 when my first was born and we were married in 2001.

It's really nice to have a place like this and be able to connect with other youngins like me, lol.

[cfiddlinmama]

Hey Cherie, I'm sorry your dd is having trouble adjusting to motherhood. It is a big adjustment and it's not an easy road. I felt like I made the choice to have have sex so I had to take responsibility for my actions. I felt like I had to prove to my parents I could do it. They thought I should put my dd up for adoption and that would have killed me. Like Lizzo said, I should have asked for more help, but we really did just fine. My dh joined the Air Force and I was all alone in Montana raising little children. It was hard, but a really good experience. I would (if it was my child) just lay it out on the line. She had sex, she made a baby, and now she has to suck it up and deal with it. It's wonderful you are there for her, but she needs to realize it's HER child and she's the one responsible. There's no room for selfishness in motherhood. This is her life now. It's one of the most rewarding things in the whole world, but you have to work for it. Sorry to sound like a meany! I agree with the poster who said she should have time for herself, but she should do a good job during the week, then you'll watch the baby for the night or whatever. I hope it gets better for you both!

Lizzo, sorry you have issues with your DP. That's tough. I hope it works out for you all.

[UmmZahra]

Howdy, mamas. A week or so before I turned 16, I got married. I got pregnant at 17 and had dd at 18. My dh just turned 23 on the 25th of this month. I don't really consider myself a young Mom. I mean to me a young mom is like 15. lol In my family, this is normal. My mom was 16 when she had my older bro. My sister is 23 and due w/ her 3rd in June 06(first prego at 15 had at 16). My other sister was prego at 19 I think ?? She had married at 17. My cousins and aunts all had kids around 18ish.

Now, looking at my DH's side of the family. They seem weird. They have kids at 40 and on! Either way,...

I love being a Mom. In person, I haven't recieved any flack about my age, but over the phone I have. Some people think we are AP or natural just to be rebels.

Hey!! I also want to do midwifery. I graduated when I was 15 from highschool, but I haven't done much since then. I'm working on becoming a doula and hopefully by next fall, I'll start attending school full-time. Right now, I am doing random distance learning courses from the community college.

Also, to the poster about her daughter... maybe you could try telling her how everything she does is going to impact her daughter? I dn't know. It just seems like parents don't realise WHO they are in their child's eyes. Parenting is an honour and we all need to work harder to step up to the plate.

[greenwest]

Hows it going young mamas, I wish I had my baby when I was younger.

[desertpenguin]

Cherie2...has your daughter gone to any kind of counseling? i have a feeling she is probably depressed. also...hmm...how to word this....sometimes mothers don't give the chance for their children to parent and when they feel like their children aren't parenting their grandchildren correctly, they just take over. i'm not saying that this is the case with you, but i just wanted to put that out there for something for you to consider. i know for me, becoming a parent was very devastating and i didn't feel like i had any support, even though i probably could've asked for it and got some help. i didn't have any experience around infants so i didn't really know what i was doing, except for what i had read from books and surmised what was the right and the wrong thing to do. so maybe, if when your grandbaby is crying, have your daughter hold her baby and say 'maybe if you rock her' instead of doing it yourself...kwim? suggest what to do rather than doing it yourself. i hope i'm not coming off rude. sorry my thoughts are so jumbled.

[bjorker]

Originally Posted by calidarling

im not as young as some of you but boy do people make me feel like it. my son was born four weeks ago and next month i will be turning 22. although he was unplanned, i always wanted to be a younger mother. my husband and i do not feel that we are missing out on anything and have never fit in with our age group anyway.

I totally relate with this. I feel like I generally get along better with people that are a little bit older than me, and don't have a whole lot of interest in what other people my age seem to like to do. That's a generalisation, and I don't mean it rudely, just that clubbing, bar-hopping, or even the college life just isn't my thing. Hell, DP is 38, and we have no issues with the age difference whatsoever. If anything, he's the one that needs to grow up.

I do like to get out of the house a lot, but my idea of fun is going to coffee shops or the bookstore or thrift store. Ya know? I always figured I'd be a pretty young mama too. dd was unplanned as well, but I think I like it that way. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, really. I feel a little stuck sometimes, but that has more to do with having a "do-er" personality while being a SAHM.

[Lizzo]

Originally Posted by UmmZahra

Howdy, mamas. A week or so before I turned 16, I got married. I got pregnant at 17 and had dd at 18. My dh just turned 23 on the 25th of this month. I don't really consider myself a young Mom. I mean to me a young mom is like 15. lol In my family, this is normal. My mom was 16 when she had my older bro. My sister is 23 and due w/ her 3rd in June 06(first prego at 15 had at 16). My other sister was prego at 19 I think ?? She had married at 17. My cousins and aunts all had kids around 18ish.

Now, looking at my DH's side of the family. They seem weird. They have kids at 40 and on! Either way,...

I love being a Mom. In person, I haven't recieved any flack about my age, but over the phone I have. Some people think we are AP or natural just to be rebels.

Hey!! I also want to do midwifery. I graduated when I was 15 from highschool, but I haven't done much since then. I'm working on becoming a doula and hopefully by next fall, I'll start attending school full-time. Right now, I am doing random distance learning courses from the community college.

Also, to the poster about her daughter... maybe you could try telling her how everything she does is going to impact her daughter? I dn't know. It just seems like parents don't realise WHO they are in their child's eyes. Parenting is an honour and we all need to work harder to step up to the plate.

Hey mama! There is a mama on here who doesn't psot, but she is a muslima midwife and started an organization for muslima midwives. She is very cool and inspirationala nd I really reccomend getting in touchw ith her!
Good luck on your path.

[phathui5]

QOTD: What was it that brought you to Mothering mag/MDC?

I'll go. I bought my first copy of Mothering magazine when ds1 was about seven months old. I stopped at Barnes and Noble on the way back from the farmer's market and there it was. I've been reading it ever since. Inside, there was an ad about their online message board, so I went to the library and read and read. I lurked for a couple months and then joined MDC. Now we have internet at the house (it's been a long time since I was using it for free at the library) and I still find as much useful stuff on MDC as I did then.

[desertpenguin]

QOTD: What was it that brought you to Mothering mag/MDC?


i had found some of the Dr. Sears books when ds was about 3 mo and wholeheartedly agreed with AP, it's just what felt right. i was online and had been looking at the AP forum at babycenter and i believe someone mentioned this website, so i came here. after coming here, it was like i found my home! i was so relieved to know that i wasn't the only person that believed in AP and not vaccinating, and so on. i love MDC.

[momz3]

Can I join?

I've just turned 22 on the 1st of October and have 3 babies (last being stillborn) so I guess I belong here as well!