Reconciling Montessori method with family bed, etc?

[mehndi mama]

I've been reading Montessori From the Start, and it's gotten me quite excited about helping my boys to learn and work. I've been gradually implementing ideas as I see the opportunity.....but the section on Personal Care that involves sleeping & eating have me recoiling.

So my question is - is the instruction to have the baby sleep in their own closed room, away from the parents, simply a cultural accommodation? And is the directive to have the baby weaned by 9 months also cultural? Because I'm reading a lot of "acclimating the child to their time, place, and culture".....and separate sleep for infants, and weaning before age 2 is NOT a part of my culture!

Are there other authors who take a more "AP" (for lack of a better term) approach to Montessori for infants & toddlers?

[RomanGoddess]

Originally Posted by mehndi mama

And is the directive to have the baby weaned by 9 months also cultural? Because I'm reading a lot of "acclimating the child to their time, place, and culture".....and separate sleep for infants, and weaning before age 2 is NOT a part of my culture!

Are there other authors who take a more "AP" (for lack of a better term) approach to Montessori for infants & toddlers?

My take on anything that has to do with infant care is that it is NOT within the purview of child educators unless those child educators also happen to be MEDICAL DOCTORS or other health professionals. I'm probably as Montessori as it gets in many ways, but when I read an educator's advice on when to stop breastfeeding, what position to lay my baby in bed or where my baby should sleep, whether to let my baby cry and for how long, when to start solid food, etc., I deem these to be MEDICAL QUESTIONS as much as anything else and consider educators to have no business dishing out advice on these matters in their so-called expert books unless they also happen to be pediatricians or other health professionals having expertise in the field of infants.

I don't trust all doctors on these questions, either, obviously, but if there is any debate at all on these issues, I study the various opinions that exist within the medical field and not elsewhere.

Think about it, where does Paula Polk Lillard get off telling you that you should wean your child at 9 months when the AAP says ONE YEAR??? This is essentially a health question and she has ZERO qualifications to give you this opinion.

[mehndi mama]

Oh, ALL of the bf advice in that book STUNK, to be honest. It was rife with the mythology of the 50's & 60's - limiting nursing times to avoid soreness, and all that jazz. And then in the Language section, they mention that the baby's brain grows a HUGE amount between the ages of 18 months & 3 years, and I'm thinking.....so you want to deprive the baby of optimal brain food in that time? PRIORITIES, people!

OK, so it *is* a culturally-influenced directive. I was hoping so!

[ochoco]

Yeah, I disregarded those sections of the Lillards' book. Outdated science. I was really surprised and disappointed to read that they basically advocated CIO (Weisbluth), which to me is so clearly not-Montessori.

I also agree about the medical vs. educational advice. Montanaro's book is lovely but also has some not-great advice about when and what to feed babies. I think that more work needs to be done with infant observation, as there are some great ideas but also some real clunkers.

Montessori was really something special; so many who came after seem to have settled into a particular method when in actuality they (we!) should be constantly observing, constantly learning and adapting.

[RomanGoddess]

Originally Posted by ochoco

Montessori was really something special; so many who came after seem to have settled into a particular method when in actuality they (we!) should be constantly observing, constantly learning and adapting.

Dr. Montessori was unique in that she really was a medical doctor AND an educator. Modern Montessori educators are generally educators only. They are not medical doctors. When you're dishing out advice on infants, there is a really fine line between what is a health/medical issue and what is a question of "educating" the baby.

Another book that is very similar to the Montessori books on infants is called Your Self Confident Baby by Magda Gerber. It is not Montessori per se but a lot of Montessorians recommend it for advice on infant care. It says a lot of the same stuff - i.e. co-sleeping is not great, wean at 9 months, put baby on back to play and on stomach to sleep, etc. Really off-the-mark for infants. That being said, I think that this book gives good tips for toddlers.

[flyingspaghettimama]

You know, the Michael Olaf company's catalog has some nicer, gentler approaches to Montessori and AP. They don't mention AP in particular, but it's definitely more compatible.

For example, about breastfeeding:http://www.michaelolaf.net/1JChome.html

Breast feeding is an example of a strong attachment. The relationship between the mother and child during the times when the infant is nursing is extremely important, as it becomes a standard for future relationships. Think of the message of love the mother gives to the child when she gives her undivided attention, eye-contact, smiles, singing. The message is very different if the child is fed while the adult is reading, watching TV, or talking to someone else. This period will pass soon enough that we should support the parent in the bonding that occurs during feeding.

They go on to say that BFing should not be offered for situations requiring simple comforting measures, only food. I think that's pretty debatable. But at least they don't suggest CIO or early weaning. In fact, in the catalog, there are photos of a cosleeping dad and son!

[flyingspaghettimama]

Originally Posted by cmlp

Another book that is very similar to the Montessori books on infants is called Your Self Confident Baby by Magda Gerber. It is not Montessori per se but a lot of Montessorians recommend it for advice on infant care. It says a lot of the same stuff - i.e. co-sleeping is not great, wean at 9 months, put baby on back to play and on stomach to sleep, etc. Really off-the-mark for infants. That being said, I think that this book gives good tips for toddlers.

It's hard. I like half the things Gerber suggests, but then the other half is so completely nutty and obviously influenced by Western Society vs. following the child's communication. It's like - announce you are about to pick up a child before doing so, and never pick up a child from behind (so you don't startle them); but then have them CIO at night. Very confusing.

[RomanGoddess]

Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama

It's hard. I like half the things Gerber suggests, but then the other half is so completely nutty and obviously influenced by Western Society vs. following the child's communication. It's like - announce you are about to pick up a child before doing so, and never pick up a child from behind (so you don't startle them); but then have them CIO at night. Very confusing.

I agree. And some it it is also medically just plain wrong. She advises always to lie a baby on his back for play, for example, but this actually slows gross motor skill development AND can give the baby an ugly flat head in the long run.

She is against baby carriers because she says that they make the baby passive. But in my experience, my baby is much more of an active observer when I used the baby carrier and much more passive when we use the stroller.

And she goes on about how respect is the number one principle of RIE and yet I just don't see how leaving a baby to cry in his bed for 2 hours as if he was not even there shows a lot of respect for the child.
But she is also against long-term use of strollers, which I agree with.

[Sierra]

Maria Montessori was a person of her times, and her medical training would have been shaped by the scientific understanding (and assumptions) of those times.

I don't think she intended her "method" to be stagnant. She was a person who highly valued learning, and learning as *adults* adapting to make better accomodations to environment and our own behavior we observe our children. Her own methods changed quite a bit during her life, and I suspect they would have kept on changing if her life went on to today's times.

I think one of the big reasons for the child's bed (and remember in Montessori's times, infants were often sleeping in cradles, cribs, and bassinets that they could not get in and out of on their own) was for the child to be able to independently manage getting in and out of bed. If you can adapt your family bed to acheive the same purpose, I think that is ideal. Perhaps you could place your mattress on the floor, or get a stepstool for the child to get in and out of bed. Our bed was fairly low to the ground to start with, so we didn't worry too much and just demonstrated for ds how to get out by sliding feet first on his belly...and later to get in by climbing. He is a young toddler and is very adept at it.

When ds is ready to move into his own bed, we'll be placing a cot for him near our bed to start, and this will be like Montessori's child-size bed recommended in infancy.

My observations have led me to believe that the child will find independence in sleep as time goes on, naturally but more slowly than Montessori thought. Modern science has given us information about brain development that shows that children's brains have a different pattern of sleep than adults, and that there are probably more stages that lead to the development of independent sleep than Montessori observed during her times.

I would make similar arguments about the breastfeeding information.

[RomanGoddess]

Originally Posted by Sierra

Maria Montessori was a person of her times, and her medical training would have been shaped by the scientific understanding (and assumptions) of those times.

I would make similar arguments about the breastfeeding information.

Montessori herself NEVER RECOMMENDED any of those things that are in Paula Polk Lillard's book. This is my other problem with the book - the recommendations are complete extrapolations from the Montessori method. Where does Dr. Montessori recommend to stop breastfeeding at 9 months? Where does Dr. Montessori recommend against co-sleeping? She does not.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Originally Posted by cmlp

Montessori herself NEVER RECOMMENDED any of those things that are in Paula Polk Lillard's book. This is my other problem with the book - the recommendations are complete extrapolations from the Montessori method. Where does Dr. Montessori recommend to stop breastfeeding at 9 months? Where does Dr. Montessori recommend against co-sleeping? She does not.

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by cmlp

Montessori herself NEVER RECOMMENDED any of those things that are in Paula Polk Lillard's book. This is my other problem with the book - the recommendations are complete extrapolations from the Montessori method. Where does Dr. Montessori recommend to stop breastfeeding at 9 months? Where does Dr. Montessori recommend against co-sleeping? She does not.

Good point. Thanks for clearing that up.

[Lillianna]

Originally Posted by cmlp

Where does Dr. Montessori recommend to stop breastfeeding at 9 months? Where does Dr. Montessori recommend against co-sleeping? She does not.

From what I have seen, Montessori framed all of her advice in "positive terms" ie instead of saying "stop breastfeeding at 9 months" she says "start feeding real food" when the child has reached a certain developmental stage. I haven't seen any specific age recommendations. Do the Lillard's actually say "stop breastfeeding at 9 mths" and "don't cosleep" in this book? (I don't have a copy right now) or are they saying the process should begin around 9 mths and offer the child a room of his own?
M is a strong advocate for breastfeeding. In a Chapter on "Attention" she states "It is essential that the external stimulus which first presents itself should be verily the breast and the milk of the spirit, and then only shall we behold that surprising phenomenon of a little face concentrated in an intensity of attention." She is discussing the fact that children go through phases of "impulse corressponding with biological needs for development". There are many citations for the important bond of breastfeeding. Further, in "The Advanced Montessori Method, pg. 128 she states, "Let us consider the growing infant which has cut its teeth, developed its gastric juice, and so gradually requires a more complicated diet". As far as I can tell, she does indicate that there is a time for weaning. I just assumed that the Lillard's, in writing this book, had privy to more of M's specific recommendations.

...instead of "don't co-sleep" she says "the child should have a small bed with covers he can manage on his own and get into and out of on his own initiative". She discusses putting an infant down on a low mat so that he can view all those around him and the activity of the day, be unrestrained, and fall asleep and wake up on his own. She also discusses different forms of babywearing and points out that it would be a good area for research.

[RomanGoddess]

Further, in "The Advanced Montessori Method, pg. 128 she states, "Let us consider the growing infant which has cut its teeth, developed its gastric juice, and so gradually requires a more complicated diet". As far as I can tell, she does indicate that there is a time for weaning. I just assumed that the Lillard's, in writing this book, had privy to more of M's specific recommendations.

Paula Polk Lillard talks about weaning from the breast in terms of replacing breastmilk entirely by the time the baby is 9 months with another kind of milk (i.e. formula or cow's milk). Dr. Montessori speaks of weaning exclusively in terms of introduction of solids. These are two completely different concepts of "weaning". Noone is suggesting that an infant should not eventually be introduced to solids in his first year of life.

I thought I would add that the book recommends trying to get your baby on a schedule within the first 3.5 months of his life (page 126). No doctor recommends this. Not Ferber. Not Weissbluth. None of the standard mainstream doctors known for advocating letting a baby cry it out would ever recommend forcing a baby onto a schedule before the age of 4 months. She cites Mark Weissbluth and yet even he does not recommend any attempt to imposing a schedule until a baby is 4 months old.