when to start "disciplining"?

[adesiew]

My DS (6.5 months) has just started to display some determined characteristics.

He has just started on solids (LOVES IT btw!) and loves to grab hold of the spoon so that he can gnaw on it. That's fine but that also means he doesn't let me have the spoon to put more food into his mouth. I've tried using another spoon to feed him as he holds on to one but since the other spoon is in his mouth, I try to move it away so that I can feed him another spoonful. This is when he starts being agitated and starts crying because I moved his spoon. When meal time is over and I try to take the spoon away from him, he gets upset and increasingly has been showing some anger. The funny thing is, he doesn't do this with his daddy or his grandparents. The boy sure knows who he can push around! DS is usually good natured and laughs and smiles easily until I try to take something that he is obviously enjoying away.

I am wondering when we should start setting down some boundaries and whether he will understand.

Sorry, if this issue has been brought up and discussed before.

[RockStarMom]

He's way too young to manipulate you or need boundaries. All he needs is to remain safe, and be distracted if he's doing something he shouldn't be.

If he cries when you move his spoon, I honestly just wouldn't move it. He'll either move it when he wants to eat, or you can just put some food in the corner of his mouth. If he doesn't eat much, it's not hurting anything. And why can't he keep the spoon when he's done eating? Maybe, after his meal, put some other toys on the highchair, and once he picks up one and loses interest in the spoon, you can take it away then.

Again, as long as he's safe, I would just let him do what he enjoys doing.

[adesiew]

i'm afraid he would push the spoon too far into his mouth, which he has done a few times. well, i know his gag reflex works!

but i hear you, i should just relax a little. but that still doesn't explain why he doesn't do the same with his daddy or his grandparents!

[SquishyKitty]

Start cutting up soft finger foods he can feed himself. It sounds like he wants to feed himself, plus he's probably teething so the spoon feels good on his gums.

At that age, and well into toddler years, you can really only redirect to set boundaries.

[RockStarMom]

Originally Posted by adesiew

i'm afraid he would push the spoon too far into his mouth, which he has done a few times. well, i know his gag reflex works!

but i hear you, i should just relax a little. but that still doesn't explain why he doesn't do the same with his daddy or his grandparents!

Gotcha. I'm going to second the suggestion of letting him feed himself. I actually did this with my daughter- we skipped baby food altogether. It sounds like that would make things easier for you both!

As for only doing it to you...maybe it's because he's used to you being the one who meets his every need?

[Mrs_Hos]

I"m of the opinion that 'discipline' starts before they are even born!
What I mean by discipline is TEACHING. While unborn, they are telling you what they need--sometimes if you are in a position they don't like, they kick...they are communicating their needs "get in a different position please"...
Likewise, I communicate/teach as well--toes in ribs hurt, so I may push them back down.
I am NOT interested in 'disciplining' my 4yr old with punishments...I discipline with talking...we talk about why this or that is not a good thing to do, danger, inappropriate, etc
With a 6mo old I would do the same 'discipline'...If he is doing something that may hurt himself, then I would tell him (kindly--not in an agitated tone) that that hurts and is not a good idea. They do understand us, even if they don't understand each and every word!
Its not a 'teaching boundaries' thing--it is a safety thing. If it were only him wanting to hold he spoon--and it doesn't hurt him, just makes feeding longer, then I would let him do it, and just help him move it out of the way when tryiing to get the food in there.
I think he is just trying to 'feed' himsefl with the spoon.

If is it really annoying to you (or bothersome if he is hurting himself) I'd back off of solids for a week...or maybe longer. I nursed exclusively for 11 mo (almsot 12)...then I just gave finger foods--no baby cereal or jars. It was vERY easy...not that I'm advocating ALL moms should nurse exclusively for that long, but it did make things very easy! (for me!)

Discipline is just teaching. We don't need to be mean or even stern. How would you 'teach' a coworker something?
Just my thoughts--take 'um or leave 'um!

[alegna]

My biggest discipline advice? Don't spend your time trying to be the boss. Most things really don't matter.

In this case, it's really not best to spoon feed babies anyway. They can't regulate their own intake that way. As a pp mentioned, give him soft foods he can feed himself. If he can't feed himself safely, then he's not ready for solids.

-Angela

[lilyka]

i start with discipline they day they are born. weather it is teaching them to latch on properly or lay still for diaper changes. its sweet and gentle but still the way it has to be.

In your specific case he likes food right? eventually the desire to eat wil out weigh his desire to play with the spoon. if he won't give the spoon back I would end the meal. I understand (and agree) with your reasons for not wanting him to play with the spoon. It probably isn't the safest toy. So i would take it away. sure he wil fuss a little but will also get over it quickly if youstay positive and change the scene. pop him out of his high chair (again food is there is he cooperates - its not like he is going to go hungry without it at this point) and move on to something else like nursing or changing or just playing. give him something he can shove in his mouth.

[adesiew]

Thanks girls for the advice. I feel like I am on the right track then. I have done a variety of things: let meals take its own time; if he cries, i take him out of the high chair and when he indicates that he wants some more food, i put him back in and continue the meal (but it's three strikes and the meal time is over); i've also shown him how to scoop with the spoon and he's cute (and very messy) when he attempts to try it on his own.

I've only had to do "three strikes, you're out" once. we avoid saying "no" unless we mean it and practice redirection and distraction. and it is his gums that are bothering him. his top two central incisors are coming through and it sure doesn't help with the bottom two chomping on the sore gums. last night, he was even bleeding a little. poor thing!

I do like the idea of finger food. Do you have any suggestion for soft finger foods? Something like soft cubed potatoes that he can play with and turns to mush in his mouth?

[The Lucky One]

I've only had to do "three strikes, you're out" once.

With a 6 month old?

Huh?

You just lost me right there.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by The Lucky One

With a 6 month old?

Huh?

You just lost me right there.

:

It's not like he understands how to count to 3. That's just mean.

-Angela

[chann96]

At age 6.5 months eating isn't about eating. Eating is about playing. I don't mean it just as that's what the kids like. I mean that developmentally that is what food is about at that age. Children learn about eating by playing with their food and their utensils. They learn first about food with their eyes, then their fingers and noses and finally with their mouth. I think you need to step back from trying to get him to eat and understand what is a reasonable expectation of a child at this age. If your son wants to play with the spoon let him. What's the problem? Assuming you are still breastfeeding you should nurse him first before trying to feed him so he shouldn't really be hungry anyway. Also, his gums hurt - how interested in food are you when your teeth or gums hurt? He's communicating to you that he needs some way of trying to sooth his gums. I don't think your expectations of his behavior are at all appropriate for his age.

I would suggest reading the Gentle Discipline book put out by LLL and going over to the GD forum here. You can get some really great ideas about how work with your child. Discipline isn't about control, but about respecting your child, understanding their needs (and developmentally correct play is a need), and working to find an avenue forward that is acceptable to both of you.

[lilyka]

i am guessing here but three times is just to keep her from loosing her paitence with the up down game. by the third time it is pretty easy to tell if they are actually more intrested in eating or playing. after the third time it is just time to move on to a new game.

as for god soft finger foods.. . .
frozen peas and carrots
potatoe chunks (sweet potatoes are a better choice)
bananas
even softer apples cut into chunks or steam a firmer apple until it is soft.

[Brigianna]

I agree that discipline starts at birth. With the spoon-grabbing, I would (gently, not like a punishment) take the spoon away and give him something else he can play with.

[Mrs_Hos]

Also--if teeth are a problem (pain) during eatting (which I agree is just 'practice' at this stage) then I would try Hylands Teething Tablets...those saved my life I think! hahaha
Also--remember baby's number 1 source of food is breast milk (or formula)--not the solids--for the FIRST YEAR. These meals you are giving are just for FUN so let him have fun and don't worry about all this 'teaching/discipline' .......there is time for that....

[adesiew]

Oh, so sorry to have misled some of you to think that I was trying to discipline my DS!! Please don't get me wrong at all. I do realise there really isn't such a thing as "DISCIPLINE" at this age. And I have no intentions of controlling every aspect of my DS. However, my DS is pretty smart for a kid his age (don't we all think so of our DC?! ) At about 3 months or even earlier actually, we noticed that he behaved differently with different people. For example, with DH he quietly plays by DH's side; with his granddad, he complains if granddad wasn't carrying him and walking around the house but he doesn't do this with grandma, etc. Which leads me back to my wonderings that I may have to lay down some boundary foundations.

I think, with me, he expects me to know what he wants or needs (as RockStarMom posted earlier) which may explain why he is annoyed that I want to take the spoon away from him. I have tried substituting it with a teether that he loves but in the high chair, he prefers the spoon. I'm going to try soft finger food. Boy, I know he is going to love them!! He loves sticking his fingers in the bowl and into his mouth already, which I am more than happy for him to do!

It is as how Lilyka guessed. By the third time that he shows he isn't interested, I stop meal time and move on to some other activity. When I take him away from the context, he understands and stops whinging about the spoon.

[RockStarMom]

Originally Posted by adesiew

I do like the idea of finger food. Do you have any suggestion for soft finger foods? Something like soft cubed potatoes that he can play with and turns to mush in his mouth?

Avocados, raspberries, bananas, black beans, and tofu have been favorites here.

Good luck!

[alegna]

Originally Posted by adesiew

Which leads me back to my wonderings that I may have to lay down some boundary foundations.

This kind of thinking concerns me. I think your expectations are unrealistic.

-Angela

[SquishyKitty]

He is a baby, not a toddler. He doesn't understand discipline. He doesn't understand boundaries. You are seriously going to have some power struggles if you don't just back off now.

As for soft foods, steam some veggies like carrots, cauliflower, ect and just give him small pieces.

Bananas, avocados, and if he's teething, give him a cold sweet pickle. Sounds wierd, but DS loved them and it felt great on his gums.

[StephandOwen]

If his teeth/gums are bothering him then try a "momsicle". Put some pumped breastmilk into an ice cube tray (don't fill the square completely). Then stick a pacifier in the milk (nipple end in the milk). Once it's frozen he can lick/suck/chew on it with no worries of choking or sticking the stick too far down his throat. My ds loved them (the only use for the pacifier, as he hated sucking on them) and they are good for baby