No She Didn't!

[Potty Diva]

Let me begin at the beginning...

About 6 months ago MIL, who is 70, decides she is going to move to Texas to NANNY for a newborn baby (she is the daughter of a doctor MIL used to work for). She asks us to move into her house and after some debate Mark and I agree it would be a good thing. Bigger house, less rent, Mark's family is right there.

Anyway, so we start talking about moving and what things she is taking, etc. Turns out she doesn't want to take hardly any of her furniture...um...where will we put our furniture? So she says she'll be taking her living room furniture, and a bed. Ok, we have a two bedroom hosue to move. She says put it in storage. Well that defeats the whole purpose of moving in to save money, now doesn't it?

She wants me to come over every weekend and some week nights to help her get organized. The people she is going to nanny for are paying for professional movers who will move everything for her she doesn't have to lift a finger! So I tell her that WE have to start packing our things, so I need the weekends to do homework and to pack. She gets all pissy of course. Then on Saturday Mark tells her that he will go to the family reunion, but doesn't. Kailey and I are off with friends at soccer games, etc. So we don't go (BTW, I NEVER go, cause it is really painful to be around idiots).

My cell phone battery ahs been dead for awhile and this morning I get off my lazy butt and charge it. She left a voice message Saturday night saying "don't worry about moving in, I found someone else."

WTF? I have not given any indication that we weren't moving in. She said I was avoiding her, again, WTF? I have homework, I have things to do, I can't be up her butt 24/7. I am sick of this woman.

Then she tells Mark "she doesn't have a relationship with Kailey." Hello, we are over there every weekend! She means is that she doesn't get much alone time with her. But she DOES. She takes her for the day, shopping, McDonald's, etc. Not a lot because Kailey doesn't want to go. I'm not going to force her.


UGh! Anyway, to pissed to write.

Besides she has NO respect for our parenting and why would I let someone who doesn't respect us or our wishes take our child overnight?

[Potty Diva]

What it boils down to is that we started voicing our concerns and letting her know that we needed space for our belongings. She also didn't like the fact that we couldn't take time off work or school to move the EXACT day that she was moving out, so her house wouldn't be empty for a second (she lives next to people she has known all her life, and watch her house like a hawk as it is). It's called a power trip, that's what it is.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

It does sound like a power thing. And as someone who has parents as landlords, if its this bad now it is going to get worse. My parents have used the "well, we could always evict you" threat to control our having pets (Ok, lots of landlords do this, but the attitude was icky), how many houseguests we can have, whether or not we can have a live-in nanny, if we can take in friends who need a place to stay for longer than a couple of nights, what sort of housekeeping supplies we should use, how the house must be cleaned and on and on. If we could get out of this, we would but because they have made it clear how much we would have to replace because of "damage" (hm.. can we say normal wear and tear?) if we moved, we will virtually never have the cash to move out.

Long story short, take this as a sign that it isn't going to be worth the pain and DON"T DO IT unless you have absolutely no other choice.

[root*children]

ITA with E&A'smom - You should be SO glad you aren't moving in there! It sounds like it would end up being more headache than it's worth.

[MomSquared]

Wow - I completley agree this is a power struggle. It has to be on her terms, or not happening at all. I would say count your blessings you got that new battery and were able to receive that voice mail - it probably saved you and your family a lot of future heart ache.
Best of luck to you.

[artgoddess]

Isn't it nice that she will be moving away.

[laohaire]

Yeah, this is a sign.

Obviously it's all about her, and making sure she's not in the slightest bit inconvenienced. This is NOT a mutual transaction whereby both parties benefit.

Sounds like you saved yourself a ton of hassle.

[Potty Diva]

Originally Posted by artgoddess

Isn't it nice that she will be moving away.

Well, I got home and mark had gotten my message. I thought he would be upset and say, well you got what you wanted, but HE was even happy. He was really dreading moving there (his life there SUCKED- she was so abusive to him) and he just didn't want to tell me.

I know you have read the posts about Mark's mom over these 4 years or so, and know that she is beyond insane.

As I write this I am freaking so excited I can barely type! She is FINALLY going to be gone!!!! Not just a few hours away but OUT OF THE F***ing STATE!!!!!!!

We will be free!!! I keep thinking back on the whole year that we weren't speaking to her, how I was able to start eatign and preparing healthy foods and just being good to each other (she stresses us both to the MAX!)

Dang! I have to call my mom!

[lovingmommyhood]

Wow sounds VERY passive aggressive. I wouldn't beg.

[Potty Diva]

No begging here. We are so happy!

I'm not worried about dodging phone calls (where she inevitably coerces me to help her at her house), or defending my husband against some insane accusation she has created against him.

He was ina wreck that was not his fault and she tried to find ways to blame him.

Trust me, no begging here. it feels like Christmas!

[Irishmommy]

That poor newborn!

[Potty Diva]

Oddly enough she treats her friends like gold. It's her family that she treats like horse hooey.

Her brothers and sisters keep their distance, only tolerating her in small amounts. Her daughter moved out of the house at 18, and now is in her forties, lives 2 hours away and really keeps to herself.

When Mark was about 9 she chased him with a butcher knife, and at another time attempted to hit him in the head with a baseball bat. She of course denies all this, yet family members have confirmed it.

She belittles him constantly, and she wonders why she hasn't been allowed private time with Kailey?

I'm thinking that her childhood was horrible as well, therefore this is why she prefers her friends and treats them so much better. They don't know her history so trust and love her with no conditions.

She is always saying how her friends treat her better than her own family and how this woman she is going to work for is just like her own daughter. Another thing I see is, she is very materialistic. If people give her things and she knows they have money she is just so loving toward them. Her daughter is a nurse and her daughter's husband is a CEO. They make great money, have nice things, etc (the daughter is a wonderful, down to earth person) and his mom thinks the world of her (unless she doesn't rally around dear old mom) and this doctor is paying for everything for her moving to Texas.

I do feel sorry for his mom, I really do.

Oh and I am sure she will be back soon. She has a bad leg, has recently had two varicose veins removed, she STILL can barely walk, gets tired easily, and thinks she can care for a newborn?

What about when this child starts getting mobile? She'll have to be fast. So yeah, she won't last.

[Ann-Marita]

What a blessing! Just think how much worse it would have been if you HAD moved in to her house, and then she figured out that she can't physically keep up with childcare and wanted to move back home (and kick you guys out or have you LIVE WITH HER)!

I am so glad for you that she backed out of the house deal!

If I could roll back time eleven years, I would NOT have accepted the house my mother offered me. It would have saved a world of heartache.

[trmpetplaya]

You dodged a bullet! My FIL was our landlord for a year and a half and he was the worst landlord EVER. He left the house in shambles with dog fur and clutter everywhere (he got remarried the week we moved up here - MIL was a wonderful woman who passed away from breast cancer 7 months earlier ) and then two weeks after we moved in (one week after I miscarried) he told us that the place was a wreck and that we couldn't stay there rent free for a year (as he promised us when we spent our entire saving to move 1,000 miles to be closer to him), but that we had to pay 1200 a month AND keep up the place and get it ready to sell (it was on almost 3 acres : ).

We now have absolutly no relationship with that man whatsoever anymore (wonder why?) and step-MIL is a holy terror. If I had known that renting from family was so dreadful, we would NEVER in a million years have done it... step-MIL is a control freak too... we're 99% sure that she's the reason we didn't get to stay there for free (but we were going to clean it up and get it ready to sell for the rent...) and she spread lies about us all over the community too :

Dance in the streets to celebrate this narrow escape, especially given your MIL's recent control attempts.

love and peace.

[Potty Diva]

I can't believe this. A week has gone by without a word from her and it has been so nice. The color has actually returned to my husband's face. Even our neighbor commented on it.

My MIL knows Mark's schedule. He works Friday evenings, Saturday from 4-close, and Sunday from 10-close.

So, instead of calling him when he is actually home, she calls after 5 pm. I wasn't home when she called, Kailey and I left about a quarter to 5 for a birthday party. We got home about an hour ago. There was a message from her. I don't know what it said because as soon as I heard her say, "Mark" I hit delete. Hearing her message would have only got me upset again. So of course I am wondering what she said and if I should tell Mark she called. We don't owe her any money, have nothing at our house that is hers, so I don't know why she should be calling. I called her last week and told her she is not welcomed to call her again so I am sure she called after Mark was at work simply to say to me, "don't tell me when I can and cannot call." Essentially saying I don't respect you and I'm going to get the last word. Well, I'm going to give it to her. What I am fearful of is what she has up her sleeve. She can't ever leave well enough alone and if she is angry will plan some sort of painful thing. I am almost terrified. Ok, I am working myself up here...

What if she has someone break into our cars, or tries to take Kailey?

I worry because she has actually come to our house during a time she was angry at us and taken Mark's truck. THe truck was in both of their names, he paid religiously on it and she got ticked that he wasn't stuck far enough up her butt and came for the truck. Ever since then I have been scared of another one of her incidents.

I need some advice mamas, please.

[Ann-Marita]

I would definitely tell your husband that she called. In fact, I'd let him field any further calls from her.

[Potty Diva]

The trouble is, she isn't calling(this is the first from last week) when he is home, she leaves messages.

So it isn't about him, it's about her trying to bully me. She is trying to get a rise out of me and I won't let her know she got one. Normally I would call her back and tell her again not to call, but I'm not going to this time. I feel more empowered.

It would only upset him to know that she had called. He can't stand her anymore than I can. In fact he (his words) has said, Ï hate her for what she has done to me." He is overjoyed to be free of her and the more I think about the more certain I am that I won't tell him. I won't let her upset his life. He has to much going on as it is with student teaching, work on the weekends and trying to help me with raising Kailey and household chores. Forget it. I care about my husband's mental wellbeing far to much.

[Potty Diva]

Also, why would you keep calling someone's house when you know your calls are not welcomed?

[WNB]

Seems like you had a decent strategy: delete the message.

IF you fight back, she'll keep coming after you, so just walk away, metaphorically speaking. You've got the strong position: she's gone, you owe her nothing. Doesn't seem like there's any need to do anything other than just ignore her. You might ask the family she's nannying for to contact you if there is an emergency and she's ill or injured or something.

[Potty Diva]

wnb~ thanks. I told Mark that she called and that after I heard her say his name I deleted the message. That way if she sees him and asks why he didn't call back it won't be becasue I didn't tell him that she called, but, I still didn't have to listen to her hatred on the machine. I didn't ask if he was going to call her back, but when I said she had called, he asked, "what did SHE want?" Then I told him I deleted it. He said he didn't have any intentions of calling her, especially now that she was out of our lives.

I'm still worried about today. She is leaving November 6th for Florida and I imagine he won't leave without trying to mess us up somehow. I know I am being paranoid, I just don't want to deal with her. I shouldn't have to. Why can't she just leave us (ME) alone.

I'll probably be coming back to this thread in my moments of weakness when I feel like letting her have it, but so far I just want her to go away.