due on rape anniversary

[mshollyk]

this is such a weird and complex thing...

i was raped on Mother's Day 12 years ago, and now i'm due to give birth on Mother's Day this year.

it's usually a little difficult at this time of year, but i'd pretty much learned how to deal with it. however, the mother's day after my ds was born, it was hard again because i'd had an episiotomy without my consent, and it brought back all kinds of feelings of powerlessness and pain. no one ever told me that could happen, but apparently it's not unusual.

anyway, when i realized i was due to give birth at this time of the year, the people i told said that perhaps it will give me something to look forward to, and lessen the pain of the rape. i really don't know...i'm just wandering through this forest for the first time, and i don't know what to expect. i have arranged to have my baby at a birthing center so that i have more control over what happens, and am in a less clinical setting...

anyway, to further complicate matters, i'm expecting a girl. i've always had some anxiety about giving birth to a girl because of being raped.

so i don't know. i'm still trying to focus on all the stuff i need to do to get ready for the birth, but i can still feel that fog and raw feeling setting in.

i don't know where i'm going with this, but i guess i just needed to get it out.

[mamacrab]

(((((mshollyk)))))

no advice- just sending you wishes for a peaceful and healing birth experience

[heretoheal]

First of all, congradulations for writing and of course many blessings for you and your family!

I am currently discovering that having a child after being raped brings up raw feelings about society's views of what a woman is "for". Children are tremendously needy and sometimes I feel like I'm only as good as what comes in and out of my vagina.

Please don't get me wrong, intellectually I know this not to be true, I am a painter, a student and friend, but I was a virgin when I was raped for the first time and am only just beginning to heal my "vaginal tramua".

Television ads filled with bursting un-nursed breasts and exposed flat stomachs with never a stretch mark in sight remind me of barbie dolls I played with over 20 years ago. Human beings do not exisit in a vacume and we need one another to survive but our individual choices in today's communities grow smaller each time we get plastic surgery, bottle feed our kids, and get ready for the next pubilc appearance.

Yes, I do understand exceptions to all rules but my gentle advice to you, beautiful mom of the world, is just stick close to those who love and support your true inner feelings and time and dates will wash themselves away.

The Native Americans have a saying "Time is an ocean" not a linear form from the one we were brought up with.

You are in my prayers tonight.

[JessicaS]

mshollyk, I hope this birth brings some healing for you.

[merpk]

It's after the day ... wondering what happened ...

Sending light & hoping that whenever comes, she brings healing and fixing to your brokenness ...

[applejuice]

I hope the birth of your child enabled you to renew and rejuvenate your feelings of self worth.

Sending good thoughts and prayers your way....

[Bug]

Bug

[mshollyk]

nak

thanks all!!! the weeks leading up to mother's day were rough. i went to go see "The Pianist" on Holocaust Remembrance Day and that actually helped me get things into a better perspective.

i had a GREAT support person with me during Lana's birth, and being in the birthing center made all the difference--i was in control of everything (as much as you can be during birth). anyway, i'll be planning birthday parties at this time of year instead of focusing on mother's day from now on.

[heretoheal]

Congrats!

Congradulations on your positive birth experience! and I just wanted to tell you a another cool mother's day story. My friend's mare had her baby in the open field on a clear warm spring Vermont mother's day afternoon. Within an hour she was standing and learning how to nurse. Lots of love on your new beginning!,
Jen Bell

[Ruth]

Happy Mother's Day and Happy Birth Day to Lana

Lana!

Happy Mother's Day to you and your mommy!

Hugs for the rest of us who have been raped.

I finally told someone other than my husband that I was raped in college. It was my sister and it came up because our 14-year-old nephew is in juvenile home for molesting our 9-year-old niece, his half sister. My sister then told me that she was raped 4 different times!!!! Heretoheal, were you raped more than once?

My grandma was raped, my sister was raped, my aunt was raped, my SIL was raped, my dd's ice-skating instructor was raped, my paralegal was raped, one of my teenage mom clients was raped, my brother in law's niece was raped. I say let's talk about it and do something to avoid it happening ONCE, much less four times, to our daughters.

[member234098]

I hope this provides you with the opportunity to heal.

G-d Bless!