SCARED of a natural birth...

[JoyNChrist]

...but I want one anyway.

Okay, let me start off by saying that I'm a wimp. I mean, I have a ridiculously low tolerance for pain. Example - last January I had to have exploratory surgery because of ovarian cysts. Simple, outpatient procedure. It took about 2 hours and I had one stitch. One. But if you had seen me for the next three weeks, you would have thought they'd cut out my kidneys or something. I was in so much pain. I could hardly walk and went through two different prescriptions of pain meds (I think my doc thinks I'm a dope-head, lol). And this was a really simple procedure. I won't even get into the time I lacerated my liver in a horse-riding accident. Trust me, somebody should have shot me and put me out of my misery.

And it's not just surgery that I can't handle - little things really get to me too. Like I had a mild UTI about a year ago, and it put me in bed for almost a week. I'm just not cut out for pain. I'd like to think it's not just 'cuz I'm whiny or whatever - maybe I'm just really sensitive (I joke with DH that I just have really good nerve endings, lol).

Now, having said all that, I really want a natural birth. I like all the benefits it provides for both Mom and baby, and I've been doing a lot of research. I believe that knowledge is power, so I'm hoping that by arming myself with lots of good information and support, I'll have a better chance of having a successful natural birth.

But natural births are still uncommon in my area, so my options are somewhat limited. There are no birthing centers around and a home birth isn't an option (DH is adamant about that), so I'll definitely be delivering in a hospital. It's a great, supportive facility, and they have many options available for laboring moms (like a birthing ball, labor chair, and shower - but sadly no birth pool). But I'm still afraid that I'll cave in and take the epidural at the first sign of pain - I'm not kidding, I'm really a wimp!

Any advice/suggestions are appreciated.

[mamato3cherubs]

First, Hire a DOULA!!!!! there are tons of resources online to help you find one close to you, even if you think there arnt any, I bet there are.

Read positive natural childbirth stories. I HIGHLY recomend- Ina May's Guide to Childbirth!!!!!!!!!

If you set your mind to do it, and believe you can, and trust the birthing process, you can do it!

[Shonahsmom]

One of many, many reasons that I was set on a drug-free, natural, vaginal birth was because I was terrified of the process of and the pain of recovering from a c-section. I was a post-partum doula for many years and I worked with some moms that were incredibly debilitated from the pain of healing from a c-section. I was also terrified of the idea of a long needle being plunged into my spine. I also knew that epidurals increased the likelihood of a c-section.There were so many reasons I wanted a natural birth, but those two things were great motivators.

Surgeries and injuries, which you referred to, are not natural biological processes. Birth is. In an unindered birth, your body manufactures a variety of different hormones to help your body cope with the pain. The pain also serves a purpose. It guides your body into different movements and different positions that will help you to birth your baby.

Fear can really heighten the sensation of pain. I did not do any special method, so I can't personally make a recommendation, but maybe something like hypnobirthing would be good for you.

I also highly recommend the book, "Birthing From Within."

Take care.

[Mavournin]

I second the hiring of a doula.

The pain of childbirth, while real and uncomfortable, is IMO a very different kind of pain than the pain of surgery or other injury. "Pain with a purpose" is a great way of thinking about. That and trusting your body. If you can be in a place where you feel comfortable with people your trust - a doula, your doctor, your partner - who are all fully supportive of your decisions and you are able to let go of your fear and let your body do what it does naturally - which is work with the pain than you will probably be surprised at what you are able to "handle". If you decide then that you still want an epidural, that's okay too, but I pretty much guarantee you'll be proud of what you've done already.

I also had ovarian surgery (removed most of my left ovary, and had several stitches) and it was probably the worst recovery I've ever had. So I totally understand. I was hopped up on Tylenol with Codeine for weeks on end.

[Mommy's Groove]

You're not a wimp! You've been told for years by the media and friends that labour is to be feared. I agree with others who are advising you to find a doula and learn about what contractions are - how long they last, how to manage them (they are manageable), how they increase and decrease in intensity over the course of labour...but most of all I want to encourage you to know that your body is made to do this. The women in your family have done this FOREVER and your body knows what to do. This is not a rational experience, it's an opportunity for you to let your body do its work and hold nothing back. Check out http://www.inamay.com/ for real expertise and birth stories which are powerful and helpful!

You can do this - let your body surprise you!

[rozzie'sma]

Ok first off all the pain you described is BAD pain, pain that signals something is wrong. Labor is different, it is intense, but a whole different feeling, pain with a purpose but honestly I don't really want to call it pain. It is a different sensation altogether, although I would not classify it as comfy either. Just remember to take it one contraction at a time. have you looked into hypnobirthing I hear wonderful stories about it. Oh and you get breaks between the contx, those are heavenly

[Sonnenwende]

I am different in that I wanted all the drugs they could load me up with, however that absolutely did not happen. I got to the hospital too late and they said no. If you really want a pain-med free birth, labor as long as possible at home. Hopefully, by the time you get there, it will be too late for the vast majority of hospitals to consider giving you pain relief.

[cappuccinosmom]

The pain of childbirth, while real and uncomfortable, is IMO a very different kind of pain than the pain of surgery or other injury. "Pain with a purpose" is a great way of thinking about.

Exactly. Many of us need to adjust the way we view birthing pain. It helped me so much to tell myself over and over again during labor "This is *normal*. I can do this! There's a baby at the end of it all! These contractions are doing something useful. It's not the same as a broken leg...." I played that tape in my head through the whole labor and it was so helpful in getting through it.

[rmzbm]

I understand. I struggle with this too...but posting & reading here really - REALLY - helps!

[laohaire]

Anecdotal evidence in my experience shows no correlation between a woman's assessment of her "tolerance" or "threshold" for pain and her ability to have a drug-free labor and delivery.

[phoebemommy]

You know what else -- it might help to think of labor pain as the kind of pain you might feel running a marathon or hiking up a difficult trail or something like that. Or like an extreme sport, or being on Survivor or something. That's how it struck me. It hurts, maybe a whole lot, but it's a pain with a positive purpose. Myself, I'm a total weenie when it comes to things like needles. Having blood drawn is like the worst thing I can think of, but labor was something I could do with very little trepidation.

Also, I had a homebirth, and I discovered that some positions (lying and sitting) were unbearably painful, and that others (standing, and various positions in the water) were manageable. I think it had to do with my baby's position. If you're going to the hospital, make sure you're "allowed" to move around, and learn about hospital procedures (fetal monitoring, for example) that might tie you down.

A book I really like is Michel Odent's Birth and Breastfeeding. Or really, anything written by Michel Odent (you can find a lot of stuff online if you google, and he has his own website). He talks a lot about the physiology of birth, and how our intellectual brains interfere with our animal brains and that's why birth can be so hard for us. If you can let your animal brain take over and let go of your intellect (which is saying, pain is bad, I'm scared, etc.), you can get through it so much more easily and quickly. There's a thread on here called "laborland" that I think describes this very well. You really go inside yourself and the world is shut out.

Good luck! Hanging out in this forum and reading the Mothering website is a great way to get yourself ready for labor. I read so many things here when I was pregnant that really helped me clear the negative energy and imagery out of my head.

[angela&avery]

i was scared the first time i was pregnant as well. I wanted a natural birth and was so scared of the pain because I had heard how painful it can be. I think the best thing you can do is to set yourself up for success. Hire a doula, use a midwife if you can ( I had hospital deliveries with midwives). Write up a birthplan so that everyone knows your intentions and can encourage you towards a natural labor and delivery. Research and practice different ways of relaxation. Know your options. Think about using the birthing ball, a shower, certain positions, music, hypnobirthing....massage.... anything you can think of for comfort. Bring a comfort object, a favorite blanket or throw, picture, something to concentrate on. Labor as long as you can at home where you are most comfortable. Delegate a woman or two that are close to you to be there for you if you feel comfortable and for your husband.

You will be fine. It will be ok. I think the eventuality and permanence of being pregnant and having to give birth is scary. The idea that its going to happen and you cant stop it is scary.

I did it. I succeeded in having a natural birth without medication or other medicinal help. I labored in teh shower on my birthing ball, by the bed on the ball, in the tub, on my hands and knees... my midwife fed me honey for energy. I whined, I wimpered, I begged.

Then I had my baby.

I was SO empowered. I felt like I could do anything after that. It was absolutely amazing. My initial goal was to have a baby that was not on anything. I wanted to give my baby the best start, and in my mind that was to have him without any drugs being put into his system during birth (because I had taken him). The rest of it, how it made me feel, was a bonus.

I think you need to try to put the fear aside and just realize how amazing and awesome this experience is, that you CAN do it. It may be long and hard, but you are woman and hey, we ARE the stronger gender....why else would we be the baby carriers...

My second pregnancy I looked so forward to my birth because this time I was going to do it and be strong. Of course, this time it came fast and strong and threw me for a loop, and even though it was shorter, it was harder in a lot of ways, but I did it.

I think you can do anything if you put your mind to it.

[roadfamily6now]

I totally know where you are coming from. I was in your shoes once.

Back in 2000, I was due with my 3rd baby. I had one c-section after 10 hours of labor (easy labor) and then another baby VBAC, but I labored for 4 hours in vehicles (my own and then an ambulance before I got my epi

So this time I really wanted to try a natural, drug free birth. I got it but I did wimp out and ask for an epi.
Here is what happened.
I woke up at 6 am with contractions, managable very similar to my other 2 labors. I timed them for 1 hour (just to make sure) and then woke up everyone. We got dressed, got kids up and dressed, called the sitter, drove the kids to the sitter and then to the hospital.
I have been in labor about 1 hour and 45 minutes. Or course laboring in a car and walking being checked in at the hospital is NOT FUN and it was painful to not be in the positions I wanted to be in.
No doubt about it, labor pains hurt but they are managable if I am in positions that allow me to have control and take pressure off my butt and back. (I stand and squat)
Anyway, all this time in the car etc.......I was getting weak in my determination to stay med free. I did request an epi and so they called the epi doc. He took too long. I was complete and ready to push within 20 minutes of arriving at the hospital! Baby was born 2 hours and 22 minutes after my first contraction.

OMG! I did it! I had a baby with no pain meds. I felt so empowered! I have since had 2 more labors med free.
I use different techniques to manage the pain. I would HIGHLY suggest using a tub if you can to labor in. It is so relaxing and really makes the contractions feel more like menstrual cramps.

You can do it!!

[lizabird]

Read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. This was my bible during pregnancy, I read it twice and made my husband read it as well. Very very inspirational and very very positive. Great read too!

[Meli65]

You can do it!

I'm a big baby when it comes to pain, tend to faint when I get overheated or hurt, am a bit of a hothouse flower ....

but I've now enjoyed two amazing medication-free births and they really are so empowering and fantastic, it is a wonderful way to find out how strong and fabulous you really are!

Yes, hire a doula -- negotiating with hospital staff can be exhausting. Go into it with the idea that you are going to birth naturally, not that you are going to "try." Make sure your health care provider is on board and truly supports natural births. Take a good childbirth course (not the hospital course) -- I took Bradley and liked it. Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy, your birth, and your baby!

[boobjuice]

Hello, congratulations and the best of luck!

I agree hiring a doula will be incredibly helpful! the Marie Mongan hypnobirthing book is an awesome resource to dispel myths of pain and birth. i had a pretty easy, 'pain free' birth. and once you do it you will probably surprise yourself. i had a uti once and it was definately worse than giving birth, which probably sounds ridiculous, but it's true.

check out my birth video and see for yourself, it's not that bad.

just pick your download speed:

http://wahmdigitalscrapbooks.com/birth1

[mwherbs]

I too have a very low pain tolerance- so low infact that my mother scheduled a vacation trip far away when I was due with my first she just could not bare the though of being with me in labor... but I was fine labor is a different sort of pain and I could manage it- and did so 4 times--- the best thing to do is surround yourself with positive ideas and people- ones who think it is very possible to do it-- without the meds. one idea may be to hire an experienced doula- someone who will be supportive of you and your husband-- it can really help set the note and guide you both- and the problem is that there are places where nurses rarely see natural birth anymore so they don't really have the tools to help and what i have seen is nurses in the hospital get uncomfortable with a normal labor and they get worried that they should be - relieving this mom's pain- because I practice in the home we do not have a way to offer drugs and know that the best way to help a woman is to support that she is able to do it--- remember that even during labor you have more time not in pain or contracting than you have in contracting -- the rest between contractions is so much longer than a contraction- really focus on each contraction and when it is done that one is gone forever - then rest, recoop, take easy breaths, do not spend your time worrying about the next contraction that is what makes labor harder-- anticipation , just be in the moment and do what it takes to get through one contraction at a time--

[aisraeltax]

i havent read the replies. im sure that you have a lot of good advice here. but i will tell you from someone who has had c/s's and a natural birth, that my natural birth was much less painful than my c/s. both c/s's were very painful. the hospital was painful, etc. the natural birth, OTOH, after the birth itself,was awesome. I felt absolutely NO pain fater the natural c/b.

a friend of mine usually says you either have pain during the natural c/b for a small amount of time or alot of pain with the c/s.

with having children, that is really your option.

or having an epidural...which was really painful for me the 2 times i had them with my c/s's.

i hope you chose the natural c/b route..i think you will be much happier if you do.

good luck!

rach

[vermont mom]

Another thought - maybe if you were able to come up with (rent) a tub, the hospital would allow you to use it there! Hopefully, if you had a doula, she would be familiar with laboring and birthing in the water. If not, you and dh could still read all about it yourselves.

We rented a tub for our two homebirths, and the midwives charged us $150 each time. That included having it from 2 weeks before due date, until no longer needed for the birth, and the single-use plastic liner. They told us they were going to start charging cost for the liner, though, which was $15. We had the Aquadoula, it's very good.

For some reason, for me, I could not take the types of positions which intensify contractions. I am pretty matter-of-fact about labor pains, but I just wimped out about that. For me, this was the birthing chair my midwife let me borrow. It is cut out in the middle, similar to sitting on the toilet. So she gave me the option - she said, you can really hurry this along if you feel up for it, or you can go more slowly. In any event, the baby is coming. I think I spent 5 minutes tops on that chair! And both of these births were still considered quick: 6.5 hours, and approx. 5.5 hours ( I am confused about when to start measuring on that second homebirth).

A note of encouragement in case things still do not go as you plan along the natural childbirth lines: I had had one baby in the hospital, before, and got induced, morphine for sleep and to dull the pitocin contractions, epidural, no c/s! The epidural was a little scary but did not hurt me and seemed to help me relax and dilate; my baby was born 2.5 hours later. She did fine the whole time (she was monitored w/ ultrasound), and had 9.5 or something on the APGAR score. I wish I had known the risk I was running submitting to all that intervention, though! And this was a team of nurse-midwives that worked at the hospital.

[RockStarMom]

#1 you need a doula.
#2 you need to educate yourself as much as possible. The more you know and understand what you're going through, the better you are able to cope with the pain. I personally would highly recommend Bradley classes. Also, read, read, read as many books as you can, and watching videos of natural births is one thing that really helped me too.
Good luck!