How to communicate with the directress

[icecream]

OK, I've got a problem here.

I'm a big Montessori believer and would like 4yo DS to have the wonderful Montessori education so I switch him to a new established Children's House (AMI). He's been theres for over a month. Half day 3 hrs program. Before that he went to full day at a traditional daycare and were happy there. It turns out that he doesn't like the Montessori preschool. He repeatedly tells me in the mornings that he doesn't want to go to the new school and wants to go back to the previous daycare. We didn't go into fight though but it's really bugs me hearing him nagging almost every day as going there costs us big $$ and takes a long ride.

When I asked him for the reason, he said that he doesn't like the guide teacher (directress)over there, but he does like the assistant teacher. He couldn't give me detailed description about what really happend just said that he didn't like when the directress was angry. "Did she yell at you or other kids?" "No", "What's she like whey angry?" "She said "no!" Also, it seems that he's also not very much interested in the activities over there. There're no oneway mirror in the classroom so I can't have any observation on the class.

I didn't expect that the school would give him so much stress. He's a introvert kid. It seems to me that only outgoing, extrovert kids don't fit in Montessori environment at least it's what I read from other threads? From my own limited experience of dealing with the directress I know that she's very nice lady but from my guts I also feel she's kind of a serious person who wants things to be done perfectly. That's also another mom's observation after their first interview meeting. So I'm guessing if the directress focuses too much on how correctly DS/other kids works or behaves that actually gives them too much pressure in the class? I know this isn't about Montessori philosphy that I believe in but only related to the specific school/directress. The thing is, how should I communicate with the dicrctress on this issue? I can't just tell her that DS doesn't like her?

And is there also a kind of transition time for kids who attend traditional preschool/day care to adapt to Montessori environment? Anyone's kids ever having such experience?

Thanks for any inputs!

[lauren]

I'm going to move this into the Montessori subforum to get more exposure, o.k.?

[icecream]

Yes,please. Thanks, Lauren!

I must have been lost my mind while posting...:

[lauren]

That's o.k., there's a lot going on here!!

[Lillianna]

It's no doubt that all the children are very sensitive to the Directress' tone of voice and general attitude. It creates the atmosphere for the entire class.
I think I would ask to get together for a meeting and then you could discuss how your son is feeling uncomfortable with her "tone of voice" (I would use whatever specific wording he is using so she can understand the situation clearly) and also that you feel he may be having some trouble adjusting and that he is resistant to going to school. Any time a parent and child is having any issues like this, I think it should be communicated to the Directress. For all she knows, everything is going along fine.
There is definitely a transition/adjustment to be made especially if the two programs have widely different expectations as far as putting work away and using a soft voice. Also, the freedom of choice is initially difficult for children who (at 4 or 5) are used to having their entire day dictated. I have noticed that most of them adapt pretty quickly.

So I'm guessing if the directress focuses too much on how correctly DS/other kids works or behaves that actually gives them too much pressure in the class

This can be very true.

[mamabeca]

I'll chime in and say that TOV (tone) is of UPMOST importance with littles. They 'get' that someone is fed up, tired, frustrated, angry, happy, awed, etc. even more than older kids and WAY more than adults. If she isn't aware that her TOV is scaring or making his experience unhappy, tell her. You can

1) write a short note or letter explaining your ds' continued hesitance at attending the class, letting her know how sensitive he is to her tone of voice, and that you feel HE feels intimidated (or whatever word works for YOU) by some of her direction.

2) call her after school hours (usually about 20 min. after class gets out, they are tidying the class etc. and can talk then. On a day your son is home anyway would work.

or 3) make an appointment and meet with her in person.

Then you can just let it out. She's being paid to help your babe learn, adjust, socialize, be curious in a big world. Hopefully she can do this. Otherwise, is she the only option, or is there another classroom he could switch to? Seems a big thing, but he'll know if there's another teacher he'd like more.

Lastly, you need to judge whether what she is doing is in any way hurtful or getting him off track (ie learning). If you think it is, I'd either stop going, switch classes, or have a seriously long talk w/her. Don't let this interfere with your son's enjoyment of learning! kwim?

edited to add: just so you know, my dd didn't love going to preschool either (half day for her) because it wasn't playful enough. Too much like "work". I don't think many preschool classes are left that allow kids to just 'trash it' and go home, most help children to learn how to clean up their play space. But Montessori stuff is just more cerebral, which wasn't her style. Still isn't, and she's still in Montessori. She has other 'issues' that they deal with MUCH better than any alternative in our area. Good luck!