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X's new girlfriend (need advice/personal experience stories) - Page 2

Poll Results: (After reading my story below...) do you think I should

  • 29% (12)
    Stand firm (insist on meeting new g/f before DS does)
  • 70% (29)
    Back down
41 Total Votes  
post #21 of 23
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Illyana View Post
I personally applaud you for wanting to know the new girlfriend....I wish you all the luck in the world. I would want to know who my child was being left with. I mean, I wouldn't even drop my child off at day care without meeting the day care workers or at school without meeting their teacher(s).
Thankyou. It's nice to hear this kind of thing from "the other side"; and I also hope that things go smoothly when you meet your stepchild/ren.

Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot View Post
I have to agree that who he introduces your child to is really none of your business...
I understand the rest of your post (unfortunately, my son doesn't really talk much yet); and that you've been in my shoes before; but, how on EARTH can you say/think that it's 'none of my business'?!?!?!? This guy (X) lies so much he can't even keep it straight; and caters to people even if he knows (and has agree'd before) that it endangers my child! I know you don't know the full story, but my ex isn't capable of making good choices (see he part where he took me to court for visitation even though I wasn't stopping him from seeing the child). Truth is; I'm mad at your statement. My son IS my business (esp. at 3 years old) and I think more people should stop lying down on choices for their children!! (not implying that you do; just mean in general).

Originally Posted by kwren23 View Post
if your child is going to be spending lots of time with ANYONE i think you are completely within your rights to demand to meet them first. especially if theres a chance this person will be left alone with your child. you wouldnt let someone babysit for your kid without meeting them first, would you?

Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
...Easter- has she got kids? Send eggs for them....
I don't even know if she does or not. I had to find out for myself that they were dating because when he brought her to my house, he wouldn't let her out of the car (by telling her lies about me) and then told me it was none of my business when I asked (very casually...and my S/O was there at the time too) "who's that". I even had to find out her name from someone else because when I asked him; he again said "it's none of your business". These things also create reasons for me to be suspicious of her and her past; and makes me want to back down even LESS!!! UGH! I just wish he'd get a friggin' clue!
post #22 of 23

I have the utmost sympathy for your position. I've been there myself. My ex had a relationship before our marriage ended, and I had absolutely no idea who he was dating. I knew a tad about her (they went on a business trip together when they hooked up and I talked to her a couple of times before then, having no idea about her lack of morality ), and generally have gotton little information about her. And she's got two nearly-teen-age boys, which scares me to death, but I can't do ANYTHING about it. And I've found that in life, when you can't do something to make your worries go away, it's just not worth worrying about.

Also...from the other side, when I started dating someone seriously, my ex had an inkling because of some things my dds had said. Yes, my s/o met the girls before ex even knew about him...in part because we met first as friends, and in part because ex lives so far away (1400 miles). But ex waited until I was ready to tell him about my new relationship...and that made a huge difference. No, I don't trust him at all. He's been a horrid jerk to me. Why should I want to share info with him AT ALL? But I do respect him, and I struggled with this (there's a thread in single parenting about it, should I tell ex about a new relationship?) In the end, I felt comfortable sharing some info with him, and some things I just said, "sorry, that's none of your business." or "you're entitled to your opinion, but it's my life and my parenting choices."

So I'm just trying to give you some perspectives. I've had to rely on the serenity prayer in my divorce...Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I hope some of this helps you have peace.
post #23 of 23
Thread Starter 


Hey everyone; new readers and original replyers. I want to thank you for taking the time to respond to my original post.

I was going to write a second part to this, but I've decided not to in the end; not because I don't value your input and alternate views; but rather because I'd have to tell you the whole long drawn-out story for it to really make sense. I don't know if it's because I'm sick, or just don't feel like talking about X anymore; but it would just take a very long time to write about and make sense.

I don't know how to close a thread, so, I'm just going to unsubscribe to this thread and stop coming/posting here. If you really have something you want to tell me, just PM me. Thankyou all for your time; I appreciate it!
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