Insecure pregnant lady rant - Page 2

[Ahappymel]

Originally Posted by blastomom

.......This is her DH....I promise I won't do that.....Honest....Put down the scissors......No, I wasn't reading over your shoulder....I just heard the.....AAAAAAAA......Help me!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, hubby just walked into the room and took over the keyboard after I immediatly ripped into him about "men". Now all he keeps saying is "I love you" and "I'm sorry for whatever it is that some other guy did" and "poor dumb b@stard, he's not going to know what hit him!"

OH MY GOSH! You gals are making me crack up this morning!
Well, I spilled my guts yesterday and told him that I was not comfortable with his taking a vacation when he is in debt and when we could use the money for other things (I've been working full-time all along and budgeting EVERY DOLLAR I spend in an Excel spreadsheet so that I can save money every month). His prioritization skills are not exactly filling me with trust. I also used one of the pp's lines about how even though he is not pregant, we are BOTH having a baby.
He responded with remorse and said that he wanted me to be emotionally secure and that yes, the money could be spent on something for the whole family (UH HELLO, or he could replace the money he borrowed from the savings account).
He said he was just so tempted by the idea of the hot springs...he says he feels so free and happy in the water and wanted some rejuvenation after teaching night classes for the last 6 weeks so he could catch up financially (again, he's STILL not caught up).
And I'm thinking...HELLO??? What about me? I'm pregnant, working full-time out of the home and quite busy being a mom too. Now I love that I can do all these things for the good of myself, my son and the family...but I think it's so selfish of him to pat himself on the back and feel he needs a vacation for doing the same :
Last night I went over to a girlfriend's house and my little boy/her triplets played while we ate dinner and had a good chat. I swear, friendship makes Life not only bearable but pretty darn wonderful!

[Treasuremapper]

So, I'm confused. Did he say he won't go, or did he already go and is now expressing remorse for coming up with such a horrible selfish plan in the first place?

[Jenelle]

:

I'm confused too. Did he go or not???

[Ahappymel]

As of last night, it was my understanding that he wasn't going because he hadn't packed and he was still home when I left for work this morning.
I was out of the office at a meeting this morning but just got back to a voice mail from him indicating that this isn't as much a vacation for him as an opportunity to do a work trade and rejuvenate (he reiterated that he feels he needs this rejuvenation from his extra work over the last few weeks). He also feels it's great timing for him because the next one is in May and he'll want to be home with the baby then of course.
He said he'll have his phone on and he hopes I call him...he's on the road.
So, he went.

[PortraitPixie]

Originally Posted by Ahappymel

As of last night, it was my understanding that he wasn't going because he hadn't packed and he was still home when I left for work this morning.
I was out of the office at a meeting this morning but just got back to a voice mail from him indicating that this isn't as much a vacation for him as an opportunity to do a work trade and rejuvenate (he reiterated that he feels he needs this rejuvenation from his extra work over the last few weeks). He also feels it's great timing for him because the next one is in May and he'll want to be home with the baby then of course.
He said he'll have his phone on and he hopes I call him...he's on the road.
So, he went.

That sucks...

[Ahappymel]

You know what makes me even more suspicious? He took a whole week off of work for his new job training. He came home after only 2 days of training saying that the first 2 days were the most crucial.
Now he "happens" to have the rest of the week and weekend free to go on this last minute "work trade"?
I believe he has planned to go on this trip all along and just told me at the last minute.

[Treasuremapper]

:

Trust your gut, mama. That sounds super suspicious to me, too. I would call his room, not his cell phone, at a minimum.

[Ahappymel]

There is no room...it is tent (outdoor) camping in the desert.

[Jenelle]

Oh, Lord, this is so NOT what you need right now. I sure hope this is not indicative of what he's going to be like after the baby comes.

[Treasuremapper]

It is up to you. Something feels super fishy about the way you describe this. The amazing coincidence of how the work trade happened, the odd claim that it is "rejuvenation" (as if that somehow makes it health related) and so forth.

It could just be a regular selfish act, where he knew it would bug you but planned to do it anyway.

But how can you find out if he was being truthful about the job training, for example without seeming like a suspicious wife, ie, preventing anyone from knowing you were checking up on him. hmmmm....

Again, my heart goes out to you. Especially when pregnant, and on the weekend you are keeping your son, this cannot be any fun.

[swtpesq]

I'm sorry mama!!!

Well, I wouldn't be suspicious as much as hurt and upset. :

I get that guys need some space to kind of freak out and do their guy thing before becoming a father (this is his first, right?), but I don't think he's being very kind or sensitive to you. Hopefully, you can discuss it in terms that will make him understand why it bothered you so much when he returns, and explain that his behavior smacks of selfishness and insensitivity, and that he needs to take you and the baby into more careful consideration when making decisions from now on.

And if that doesn't work, there's always the face-ripping option!!!

[Ahappymel]

Originally Posted by swtpesq

I get that guys need some space to kind of freak out and do their guy thing before becoming a father (this is his first, right?),

This is not his first...but his son is already 14 yrs old and he's been divorced (flying solo) for 11 years. So, I guess he is used to having the independence of just doing things like this when he feels like it and being the only one to have to suffer the financial part when he overbudgets.
This trip can even be considered health related because it is a raw food/sweatlodge and hot springs retreat...
But that's not the main issue for me is the money and his inability to prioritize.
Again, he feels he's "earned it" and that he deserves to make this investment in his health.
I don't know what else to say. I just want to go take a nap now.
I guess one good thing is that I'll be able to do something fun with my little boy this weekend..just the two of us.

[swtpesq]

Originally Posted by Ahappymel

This trip can even be considered health related because it is a raw food/sweatlodge and hot springs retreat...
But that's not the main issue for me is the money and his inability to prioritize.

Yeah, I think the problem is not that he wanted to go to this thing (under other circumstances, it would seem pretty cool, and a good way to reward himself for working hard), but the way that he handled it isn't very nice or fair or fiscally responsible...

[Ahappymel]

Originally Posted by swtpesq

Yeah, I think the problem is not that he wanted to go to this thing (under other circumstances, it would seem pretty cool, and a good way to reward himself for working hard), but the way that he handled it isn't very nice or fair or fiscally responsible...

Thank you, Christina and everyone.....it feels so good to be understood.

[*~Danielle~*]

I'm sorry. I would be upset about the money, but also that he will be around other naked woman possibly and the fact he thinks he deserves rewards, when he should be thinking of rewarding both of you. It stinks, momma.

I guess if it were me, I would give him a bill when he gets home of the money he owes savings from the earlier withdrawal and from this vacation. He can start paying back the money, immediately.

[Ahappymel]

He is paying for this vacation out of his own pocket...it's just that he hasn't repayed the debt yet and...

Oh Mamas, I'm afraid to tell you the other part.

He has promised to pay the final two installments to the midwife (at the very beginning of our relationship, I told him that I would prefer that in lieu of an engagement ring)...one due on 11/16 and the other on 12/16, each for $1200.I've already paid the first $800.
I'm starting to feel really stupid

[Treasuremapper]

I'm sorry that I'm suspicious about him knowing about it earlier or not really going to the health retreat. I think Mel knows her man way better than I do, so I would defer to her perceptions of this, of course.

[Ahappymel]

Originally Posted by inezyv

I'm sorry that I'm suspicious about him knowing about it earlier or not really going to the health retreat. I think Mel knows her man way better than I do, so I would defer to her perceptions of this, of course.

There is no need to be sorry...I am very suspicious right now too, I should add. That is me deferring to my own perceptions.

[swtmama2be]

Not from your ddc.....and i feel terrible that I snooped into your post. I just want you to know how sorry I am that your feelings were not taken at all into consideration. Whether he is up to something or not, the way he went about leaving after you thought he was staying was so disrespectful and not OK. Sometimes my DH will do something that he knows I will disapprove of but decides to do it anyway and take the consequences, like a little boy. It makes me so MAD! I have no good advice...I just want you to know I'm sorry you're going through this, and his behavior is unacceptable. You're a beautiful, fertile, glowing mama and you deserve to be treated like the goddess that you are!
Good Luck,
Monica

[Ahappymel]

Originally Posted by swtmama2be

Not from your ddc.....and i feel terrible that I snooped into your post.

Thank you, Monica!
You are not snooping! These are public forums and frankly...I read other DDC forums all the time