I’m struggling with this issue and am hoping to get some additional insights – I’ll open it right up by saying I realize that there are posters who believe that any one of these choices are the only reasonable one in the circumstances and won’t understand the conflict. That’s ok with me – no offense will be taken.
So, with that disclaimer, here’s the situation – I am 19 weeks pregnant with my second baby. First pregnancy ended in emergency c-section for failed induction with severe pre-eclampsia at 34 weeks 6 days. I won’t describe in any detail as I find it very upsetting, but suffice it to say I was very very sick, treated disrespectfully as a woman and a mother by hospital staff from start to finish - it was a nightmare mitigated only by the fact that we have a beautiful healthy 2.5 year old. I still feel sick when we pass the hospital where she was born.
Fast forward to today – this pregnancy was wanted, but unplanned. I had no idea how distressing this would be and frankly would not have had another baby if I realized it. I am seeing the same midwives as in my first pregnancy (they were basically cut out of my care due to hospital policy once the pre-e manifested itself). I’ve cried at every midwife appointment so far (not characteristic of me) and just cannot bring myself to discuss the birth rationally.
My choices (and I know I’m very lucky to have them) are as follows:
1. HBAC: this is the only option that doesn’t make cry at the thought, but it’s complicated. The “community standard” here is not to do HBAC – my midwives have said we can discuss, but this is going to be well outside their standard practice. With my history of pre-e and c-section (it was a low-tranverse and OB said no prob to a VBAC at the time), I know that the slightest issue will have us at the hospital.
2. VBAC: going to hospital means IV, constant monitoring in bed, to say nothing of the fact that I burst into tears at the thought of walking through those doors (I honestly cannot even imagine being able to do it). Plus, if there are complications (which given my likely mental state and the fact that they are already a bit nervous about me seems probable), it will be whatever nurse/OB is on call that very shift and there a couple of them who I simply could not speak to after what happened the last time. I may be able to go home within a few hours after the birth, but if there are any complications at all, they’ll keep me and transfer my care to the nurses on the maternity ward (again, can’t cope with the idea).
3. ERCS: seems like a non-option at first (why subject myself and my baby to major surgery for no reason?), but it’s something I’ve been thinking of more and more; I would know who the OB was and could at least have some “control” over the situation. Plus, I could have my tubes tied at the same time and be sure that this will never ever happen again. But it means being in hospital at least 3 days (unless I signed myself out AMA) and subjecting myself and my baby to surgery and the accompanying medical risks of a hospital stay.
I need to make a decision and be done with it – my anxiety levels are through the roof and it’s affecting my sleep and appetite. I’m hoping to get some insight here because the other ‘counselling’ options available just don’t work for me: they’re mainly hospital-based social workers/psychologists (uh, gee, think they might have an inherent bias) and frankly, I don’t have the time to fully explore and resolve the issues underlying this. I am just doing what I can to hold it together until the baby is born and right now, I don't think I'll even manage that.
If you managed to get this far, bless you! Thanks!
Michelle maman to Isabelle Claire 03/2/2004 and wife to Dan
So, with that disclaimer, here’s the situation – I am 19 weeks pregnant with my second baby. First pregnancy ended in emergency c-section for failed induction with severe pre-eclampsia at 34 weeks 6 days. I won’t describe in any detail as I find it very upsetting, but suffice it to say I was very very sick, treated disrespectfully as a woman and a mother by hospital staff from start to finish - it was a nightmare mitigated only by the fact that we have a beautiful healthy 2.5 year old. I still feel sick when we pass the hospital where she was born.
Fast forward to today – this pregnancy was wanted, but unplanned. I had no idea how distressing this would be and frankly would not have had another baby if I realized it. I am seeing the same midwives as in my first pregnancy (they were basically cut out of my care due to hospital policy once the pre-e manifested itself). I’ve cried at every midwife appointment so far (not characteristic of me) and just cannot bring myself to discuss the birth rationally.
My choices (and I know I’m very lucky to have them) are as follows:
1. HBAC: this is the only option that doesn’t make cry at the thought, but it’s complicated. The “community standard” here is not to do HBAC – my midwives have said we can discuss, but this is going to be well outside their standard practice. With my history of pre-e and c-section (it was a low-tranverse and OB said no prob to a VBAC at the time), I know that the slightest issue will have us at the hospital.
2. VBAC: going to hospital means IV, constant monitoring in bed, to say nothing of the fact that I burst into tears at the thought of walking through those doors (I honestly cannot even imagine being able to do it). Plus, if there are complications (which given my likely mental state and the fact that they are already a bit nervous about me seems probable), it will be whatever nurse/OB is on call that very shift and there a couple of them who I simply could not speak to after what happened the last time. I may be able to go home within a few hours after the birth, but if there are any complications at all, they’ll keep me and transfer my care to the nurses on the maternity ward (again, can’t cope with the idea).
3. ERCS: seems like a non-option at first (why subject myself and my baby to major surgery for no reason?), but it’s something I’ve been thinking of more and more; I would know who the OB was and could at least have some “control” over the situation. Plus, I could have my tubes tied at the same time and be sure that this will never ever happen again. But it means being in hospital at least 3 days (unless I signed myself out AMA) and subjecting myself and my baby to surgery and the accompanying medical risks of a hospital stay.
I need to make a decision and be done with it – my anxiety levels are through the roof and it’s affecting my sleep and appetite. I’m hoping to get some insight here because the other ‘counselling’ options available just don’t work for me: they’re mainly hospital-based social workers/psychologists (uh, gee, think they might have an inherent bias) and frankly, I don’t have the time to fully explore and resolve the issues underlying this. I am just doing what I can to hold it together until the baby is born and right now, I don't think I'll even manage that.
If you managed to get this far, bless you! Thanks!
Michelle maman to Isabelle Claire 03/2/2004 and wife to Dan
